Tag: life

Turbulence and Travel.

The sound of plastic luggage squeaking in overhead lockers.

Quandong and Beach combed jewellery clattering around my bag,

Making the sound of lapping as though it is water upon the shore.

Casting my mind back.

The lurch of the aeroplane as it rolls from side to side through the sky.

A momentary thought of Please keep us safe sent to the universe.

We pass through a storm, lightning illuminating the sky.

But there is no fear.

I try to sleep, but muscles ache from sitting and I cannot block the noise of chatter.

My throat sore from lack of sleep and recycled air.

But I am calm.

I am thinking of my loved ones.

The smiles upon faces glad that I have returned safely home.

I am remembering the recent new memories I now carry with me.

The new plans I have yet to make, for next time.

The hope that I will return to this place sooner rather than later.

To travel once again to far off places to visit my friends and make new ones.

To find more of the beauty in this world and embrace it with all of my being.

To know that I have been blessed beyond measure.

One of the fortunate ones.

Things I have learned in Australia.

I could not write about all of the things that I have learned or loved during this trip.  I knew that I would see things, the like of which I have never encountered before.  I knew that I would love most of what I would find here and that I intended to have a great time with my friends.

I did have to make certain adjustments to the way that I am used to living. You see as an adult with no children, I had no real understanding of the day to day running of a household with a family in it.  My hat goes off to my friends, whilst I was previously in my own comfortable bubble of blissful ignorance I have seen some of what is involved in getting things done in a household with children so I salute those who are doing this every day. For the first week here I felt absolutely wiped out, by so many things, exhaustion being only one of them and the cold that followed.  I found the noise difficult to get used to and have become a much lighter sleeper during this trip.

I am used to motherly instincts kicking in, since I am Mama to a wonderful dog, so if he stirs in the night, then I am awake.  But with children about I was on tenterhooks. After weeks here now I am not so skittish. I am also enjoying the numerous hugs which are planted upon me throughout the day, or leaning in to see what I am doing, or just to tell me something and the little gifts that I have been presented with during my stay.  It has been wonderful being part of this family for the past few weeks and I will miss each and every one of them when I return home.  I am also extremely grateful for them for making me so welcome, not only in their home but also their hearts.  I have known their Mum since we were children at school, but for a large chunk of their lives, I was not in touch with them, having only caught up again recently. It seems like we are all making up for the lost time.

My friend said to me only the other morning, that she wanted to show me so much whilst I am here, she doesn’t want me to go home and not have done something that is wonderful and we could have done, since she doesn’t know when we will get to do it again. So we are not staying in and relaxing around the home, we do that when we have collected the kids from school and are all indoors for the evening.  We are out in the car, gallivanting, visiting wonderful beaches and just sitting there on the sand, talking about the things that we can remember, when we were younger. The people we grew up around and experiences we shared.  It reminded me that this is exactly what friends do, they should do. It is totally normal.  I never thought that I might be totally normal.

We are enjoying the time we are spending together, the voyages of discovery, the sightseeing. Neither of us are particularly happy shopping, we ventured into a shopping mall here last week I think that although the building was pretty in places, but it is the most uncomfortable we have felt since I arrived and we could not wait to get back outside and do something else.

Don’t get me wrong, we have on occasion perused some of the shops, like galleries, artisan shops and the like, but generally speaking,  we are making memories and thinking of ways and things that are different from the norm.

I am writing this month, but not in the ways that I thought I would.  Bizarrely I have not written one poem since leaving the UK. I thought that I would write plenty of them, in the spare time of the evening.

No, instead I have been writing Trip Advisor reviews, which thankfully people are reading them at a steady rate. It is also a format where I am able to include my own photographs and of course helps any other people who may be thinking of visiting the area as well.

We haven’t been too far from here Queensland has so much to offer that it really hasn’t been necessary to travel very far at all. I think the furthest distance we have been has only been about 50Kms from the house.  But we have still seen so much or maybe it just seems like it since I hadn’t left the house for such a long time before coming away. We are out on most days by 11am and return to collect the children from school by 3pm, so I guess that limits how far we can go, but I am so grateful for the use of the car to drive us about, it makes such a huge difference when you are not reliant upon public transport. It also meant that we have been able to pick up any provisions which are necessary too. We have had some lovely meals.

I have tried, Australian, Chinese, Thai, Japanese food at home and out whilst here. I will not return to the UK as a slim summer version of myself since I haven’t managed to lose any weight.  My friend likes cake and has a sweet tooth. I think I do too but am trying to curb my urge to eat sweet things, so have been eating a lot of fresh fruit and also dairy free deserts, which are plentiful in this part of the world.  We don’t usually have dessert at home, but I have also noticed that the food portion sizes here are much larger than I eat at home.

I will take with me some wonderful memories of this place.

For instance the smell of Eucalyptus in the rain and the trees that you catch a waft of as you head through the mountains. The vision of the enormous blue and black and white butterflies which fly over the garden and have managed to escape my camera lens for the duration of this trip, yes a whole month! I delight in their presence yet feel the frustration of just missing out, so many times a day.

The sound of the wonderful birds who visit each day some of whom sing recognisable songs which I have recorded so that I might listen again and again when I am home. The sound of the rain on the roof of the house and the 5am train that thunders by lighting up the bedroom where I sleep. The verandah which is filled with gecko’s each night who sound as though they are blowing kisses, whilst running around chasing all the bugs and the one that hides in my room and comes out at night. And the sound of cicadas chirping in the evening and the lizards who run for cover as we pass them on the way back from school.

The day that I was covered in Parrots all vying for my attention and had the biggest smile on my face.

I was thinking as we drove back earlier the other day, of the blanket of trees covering the road. The lush green surroundings which were so unexpected when I arrived, the earth around here, a vivid reddish brown and rocks in beautiful coloured layers all along the roadside as we drive through the hills.  The gang of Kangaroos, we drove past just standing in a field on one rainy day that we went out in the car.  Being up a mountain, with an amazing view which I could not see for the rainclouds which were rolling in and not minding one little bit. The fact that it kept happening, on several occasions we went out to enjoy the view from a height.  The happiness and elation of standing on the beach with my friend, taking in a fabulous view of the surf meeting the sky, the salt being swept towards us and landing on our skin, sun warming me to the bone. The fact that my hands and my feet do not hurt when I wake up in the morning, they ache from the walking on sand and up hills by the end of the day, but it is a satisfying ache that I have done things, achieved something, gone out and seen a part of the world that I had previously only dreamed that I would.

The beauty of a Buddhist Temple on a cloudy day, with it’s Garden of Enlightenment and the plants and peace and calm that surrounds a place that until recently, I probably would not have even thought to visit.

I dare not hope that I could have come here to this amazing place, for such a length of time.  I am counting my blessings each day, waking to sunlight and birdsong, surrounded by trees I don’t know the names of and wanting to know more, about the place, the things that I am seeing, wanting to explore. Wanting to write about it all, in detail, so that if at some time in the future my memory fails me, I will be able to read about these wonderful things, experiences and the life that I will have had.

It feels a little surreal, at times as though I am on the outside looking in to what has been happening. After all I am the person who did not have much ambition in my younger years, although I wanted to travel I didn’t really get the opportunity to do so when others went off to see the world, I was left behind, just getting along with paying the rent and things. But now, things are different, that very same person is getting to see places which not everyone does. I am conscious of the fact that this is not just a dream place of mine. Others dream of these places and here I am getting to live someone else’s dreams too. Documenting this trip, with photographs and diary has been easy, when we are out, barely any time goes by before either camera or iphone is poised to record what I am seeing.  But there are many things and moments, which I have seen and which I will cherish, when driving the car for instance when I have been unable to stop and take a photo.  Instead, storing it to memory and hoping that it will remain there for years to come.

I may not have children with whom I can share these experiences by way of storytelling. I do however have you the wonderful people who continue to read my blog. And that is why I write it.  Maybe for some who are cautious, or hesitating in some small way it will serve as inspiration to take the trip, do the thing, be the person that you have always wanted to be.

I knew that this year would be important, I had sensed the changes in myself and they seem to have been a long time coming. There have been changes for the better, there have also been things which will teach me as time goes on, if not in the here and now, then in the future I am sure.

I will be able to look back upon this year, when I reach the end of it, with fondness for the things that have happened.  Above all, whatever life chooses to throw at me, I have decided as this year began that this not going to be another bad year, this is going to be one of the best! I have wanted to take control of my destiny, we are even now, only ¼ of the way through it and there is so much that can happen during the rest of it.

I am inspired, feeling creative still, I want to do so much and for the first time in a very long while, this break has given me the energy to do some of it. Feeling that this is the start of good things to come, like the corner has been turned and I am looking ahead up a long straight road, with no obstructions, no dangers waiting to pounce. Although that may be foolhardy since no one knows what is around the corner.  Excitement is kicking in about the things that we will get to do when I return home to my love, the time that we will spend together. The memories and photographs that I can share with him and also the new ones that we will also make along the way with our little family.

So in conclusion.

As I wrack my brains to try and find the answer, I wonder is this actually a voyage of discovery for a land that I had not yet seen, or is it in fact another great part of my own journey, which I have begun to enjoy at last. Some of the things that I will take with me from this trip are the simplest things, which money cannot buy and which I will cherish. The laughter as we went around a mountain road, listening to a song that we grew up with wrecked as another cover version and the various comments we made. Giggling together as we shared a joke or a look, just as we did when we were children of course we are all grown up now, but it is times like these when we forget it all and revert to the kids that we were, just enjoying the moment together as old friends. I don’t think that there is anything better and I know that I am truly blessed to have had this experience, my gratitude is immense. Although I am sad on my last night here to be leaving these wonderful folks for the time being, I know that one day I will return again for more adventures together.

And finally on my last full day here I managed to get it, albeit a distance shot of one of the beautiful black and white butterflies, just as I was bitten by a green ant. Something else I have learned, Green Ants are not my friends and neither are Marsh Flies! They like to nibble.

Beach Finds

As two girls who used to spend a lot of time at the beach when we were younger, we have spent a fair bit of time at the beach whilst I am here on this trip. It seemed the logical place for us to go here on the Sunshine Coast.

If there is a beach which we can get to and from whilst the kiddies are at school then we have made it our mission to go and see it, walk along it and go beach combing. As a consequence I have lots of sun sea and sky shots that I’ve taken whilst transfixed by the waves sights and sound of nature at its wildest doing its thing.

I have collected shells and stones which I have visions of all kinds of possibilities relating to artwork, we have found lots of beautiful things which I would love to take home with me, put on a wall and cherish.

Sure some of them have been smashed in the storms which have battled the coastline whilst I have visited here. To me these are somehow even more beautiful since although they are fragments of their former shapes and size they were resilient enough to force their way through raging waters up on to the beaches we walked along and be found by us.

The Shell, Coral and Sea Glass, shaped by their journey. These are the pieces that I would make into artwork for it signifies to me what they have gone through and the fact that their beauty still remains.

The Warmth of The Sun

It is something that should not be underestimated. the Warmth of the Sun.

Before I came away on this trip, I was feeling tired. For tired read totally exhausted. My body felt as though it was giving up on me, failing me at almost every opportunity and although I believed that there was a light at the end of a tunnel, I just couldn’t feel it. But I had to keep believing in the fact that it was actually there.

Depression had taken quite a grip of me for a while, despite my attempts to “not give it any house room” and as simple as it sounds now, it has become clear in the past few weeks that what I needed a holiday. A real, relaxing, holiday with the sun on my skin and heat which warmed my bones from the outside in. Away from all of the things that had caused all the stress. A break from it all. Despite the trip to Barcelona last year, this has been my first downtime holiday in eight years. Since we got the house, that has been our go to place away from it all. Which was my off switch from work when I needed to get away. But due to the lack of work seems to have become another on the list of unfinished things which we have been unable to resolve. I love being there, it truly feels like home when we are there but it needs a lot of money we just don’t have spending on it to get it up to scratch and I know that it is weighing heavily on our minds that the climate causes us issues which even if we got the place tip top, we would still suffer in the winter there, thus requiring a warmer climate for at least part of the year.

This holiday has been wonderful. I have spent quality time with my friends and their family, which has been great. I have seen so much and felt the excitement of new experiences running through my veins. A renewed zest for life. I felt as though I have reset my system to deal with things that the future may hold and I feel much calmer now. I have also had some awful nightmares in the past month, but I have awoken from them knowing that they were just that, bad dreams and being able to let go of the details. The angst that has followed me around for so long, the looking over my shoulder spending waking moments and sleeping ones thinking about the antics and ravings of a disturbed neighbour had worn me down so much that I no longer felt safe in my home, or the life that was happening around me. As though every last bit of control that I had over my life and destiny had been removed. It is not the way that a life should be lived, little more than existing from one day to the next. It is not the life for me.

I don’t have it all worked out yet, clearly it is one step at a time. But I do feel better equipped mentally to deal with what is coming my way in the future. I have been trying to figure out my purpose as some of you have read for a while now, I still don’t have the answer, but I feel that I am now much more open to opportunity should it come my way and I may even be able to see it, if it presents itself instead of missing it by a mile.

I have missed my family a lot in the past month. I am reliant upon them for love and support and I am looking forward to seeing them again. I am looking forward to the intimacy of holding them close to me seeing their smiles in front of me, not just as a memory held dear.

I know that I need to find something for work which physically I am able to do. My physical capability has diminished so much in the past year that I do not know what I will be able to do, but there has to be something. I had hoped that a huge amount of sleep would mean that my energy levels would go up but honestly I can’t say that has happened. I am still incredibly tired. So maybe the Dr was right maybe CFS or Chronic Fatigue IS what has been happening to my body. I found out that I am not able to sleep at all if I miss my painkillers. I tried, but all of the pain that was there previously returned with a vengeance. So it hasn’t miraculously gone. I do not take lots of them but going without is foolhardy.

It was a huge relief to be told that the results of my MRI were clear and good, so there was no neurological reason for the seizures that I had last year, or the shaking which has at times taken me over. But what I have noticed as clear as day is that the warmth of the sun and being in this climate has stopped the tremendous pain that I have felt for months in my hands and feet. Although I still have it from time to time it is a lesser scale and less frequently. It took some getting used to the heat here and I don’t know how I would cope when it gets hotter but, this introduction to a warmer climate seems to have done me the power of good. It has also made me realise that if i can feel the benefit of this in just one month, then think of the effects that a move to a warmer climate would have on us as a family in the long term. Conversation with my friends here extolling the benefits of the warmth make me realise what I already knew from previous jaunts to the sun, that not only does it suit me, but I like it. Which is bizarre since it has rained a lot here in the last month. But it is generally warmer and you can’t feel that consuming damp that gets deep into your bones.

I don’t know that my partner would cope with the Australian heat particularly well, or that he would make a trip out here and it certainly wouldn’t be fair on our dog to make a long haul, but it has reaffirmed that we should attempt to get to warmer climes and Southern France or Italy still looks incredibly inviting and much more likely as a place where we could happily settle.

Could I make a living being a writer? I know that hat I keep asking this question but it’s because I don’t know the answer. I honestly don’t know, but I am not giving up on that idea. I have to find something. I have realised that I do need to find my career niche, but I may have to settle first with a job, just something that covers the bills. It depends on the location we find I guess, I only hope that health improves to enable that to happen.

I’m Alive!

I am relieved to have some sleep on the second part of this journey.

We passed by Bengalaru and Goa and Colombo and have been crossing the sea. As we travel I am thinking of these places, wondering what some of them are like. I never studied geography at school, I foolishly thought that I would never get to see the world. Dreams and ambitions were not to be encouraged and neither were flights of fancy. Curious as to what I would see and experience at ground level. I make a mental note to look such places up later and find out more about the wonders of the world in which we live. We have Drawn level with places named Nikitin Seamount and Investigator Ridge which are on our right whereas to the left of us are Phuket and Singapore A short while ago we crossed the equator and suddenly the blue hue that has been with us for many hours changed.

I ventured along the plane to see what the outside looked like. A wonderful skyscape there before me, like icebergs silently moving by amidst the blue waters below. But here we are above the clouds. It plays tricks upon the mind, as though you have seen something entirely different. I take photographs not only to savour the memories and moments but to paint such things later on.

I knew that I would be making memories on this trip. I am visiting beloved friends who I dared not hope to see so soon, after all they emigrated to the other side of the world. Normal people don’t get to go and visit.

I wanted to show my Mum and my Dad these pictures. I took video as well. It reminds me of a very early memory I have as a child, when my father showed us slides on a projector of his flight to Italy in an aeroplane, there were a lot of photographs of clouds. At the time I did not understand the magic of being above the clouds. But as I have grown up, it is something that I have grown to love. I have no fear of flying just anticipation and joy at the new things I get to see along the way.

As I did on the other flight at what looked like sunrise to me. I am utterly confused and have just witnessed the most beautiful sunset and have been basking in its glory. As I glanced out the window It looked just like God’s feet are sticking out from the heavens reminding us that he is higher still than we can even imagine. It is about 7.30pm wherever we are currently travelling past. Touched by it’s beauty I am overcome with emotion as this part of the world our sky is plunged into darkness. I feel totally alive. I hope that I never forget the feeling of being up here travelling at 37000 feet and cruising at almost 600 miles per hour. The sun as it breaks through some hours from now and the clouds again look like a swirling seascape of surf underneath us. Looking as though we are barely moving but being transported on cloud nine, my new experience has definitely begun. What a wonderful way to experience a rebirth, to recognise that the future is going to be different and better and fun and I will embrace whatever energy I have to experience whatever I am able to.

This is such a gift for which I will be forever grateful and indebted to he who loves me and decided that I should go now whilst I am still young enough to enjoy it.

In the words of Nina Simone which ring around my head “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me and I’m feeling good.”

We have reached the halfway point on this leg of the journey as we head onward past Jakarta and towards Australia and all the treasure that it holds.

Full Moon over Baghdad

There is something quite surreal to be looking out of the window of an aeroplane at 4.30am local time cruising at 41000 feet past Baghdad and seeing a beautiful full moon out of the window. Lights of an unknown landscape are scattered below me.

At times, it looks like we have somehow come to a halt in the sky, so it’s difficult to believe that we are actually travelling at almost 600 miles per hour.

I didn’t think for a minute when we booked the flight about the countries it would pass over on the way around the world. Bizarrely it didn’t even cross my mind, but as I look at the flight path and it takes me past so many areas that have appeared in the news over the past few years and months, it does get me thinking. But I am not worried, just thinking…

En route we have passed Germany, Belgrade, Budapest, Istanbul.

The awesomeness of this trip of a lifetime suddenly kicks in and I am feeling such gratitude for the opportunity that has been given to me.

I remembered that I thoroughly enjoy flying. The take off, being in the air, the views from the window. Where we I travel once I am on the plane all of the stress that I have felt in preparing for the trip, after the meltdown of finding the airline had cut the luggage allowance, once I had arrived at the airport is gone and but a memory.

As I continue to write we are flying on past Basrah. I don’t know what I expected to see through the clouds it looks just like any other area at night.

The world feels such a small place when you view things on the map and you remember people you have met and the places that they come from. I find myself thinking “ So I know someone from Tehran”, as though they live just up the road and I could pop in to see them.

Many years ago I had a boyfriend whose family were from Kuwait. Although I have never visited these places before, there is something that links me to them as I travel on this journey.

The hostess has just handed me a hot tortilla wrap. It was unexpectedly delicious. It is 2am at home and I wouldn’t normally eat a chickpea curry wrap at that time of the morning, or even anything similar to it but extenuating circumstances apply. Like that occasional naughty kebab on the way home after night outs in my youth.

So although I might body is starting to tire, I didn’t sleep much last night either due to last minute packing and excitement. But I dozed earlier and have awoken with renewed energy and enthusiasm at what else I will see on the next leg of the journey.

Between the snatched sleep I have been listening to Jazz and relaxing chill out tunes. Since my eyes are tired and dry I didn’t want to try and keep track of a fast moving screen with a movie if I was to have any hope of sleep.

I took a little walk around this level of the airbus earlier, since nice my hips were threatening cramp and realised that there were lots of empty seats, people camped out with legs sticking out of blankets everywhere and the poor tired baby who cried for the first two hours has finally gone to sleep. Alas I spoke too soon and the little one has started up again. It always makes me want to give them a cuddle and see if I can help. Sometimes I miss that connection from a past life as a babysitter and honorary auntie.

We have Dammam and Bahrain left on our way to Abu Dhabi and will arrive in about an hour from now. So far it’s been a lovely flight as it is just getting light and the scenery changes again we are blessed with the sunrise from the tail camera on the plane and a new day in this time zone at least. Welcome to March.

Such Excitement

Such excitement I can hardly breathe.

If you wish hard enough and do believe.

Then all the bad luck we’ll rearrange.

And things at last are going to change.

That it really will come right in the end.

Thanks to my dearest on whom I depend.

He’ll embrace my heart to follow my dreams,

To make things happen and set the scenes.

Of adventures to happen in this life,

After all the trouble and strife.

The trip of a lifetime, a far off place.

He’s there in my heart and back I’ll race.

To tell him of the places I’ve been,

And all of the wonders I have seen.

To share with my love my stories and cheer

Of all the new things that I hold dear.

Things that he pushed me to achieve

At times my aching heart will heave.

To not have him there right my my side

My hand to hold my journey to guide.

But even though he’s there at the start.

We’ll never feel we’re really apart.

To head off alone can fill me with dread,

But I’ll always hear his voice in my head.

To leave him here I do feel mean,

But he’s sending me off to fulfil a dream.

So when time is done and this Earth I leave.

My life lived and travelled I do believe.

Time to Heal

I can’t pinpoint exactly when it was that I thought again about Reiki and Chakras and focusing on getting better in whatever way I could but it’s pretty recently.

After a while of being unwell you start to look at any options which might be open to you, I guess that you become more open to the options too and try to simplify your routine accordingly. But it seems to have coincided with the shift in my life that I was also welcoming and appears to have begun.

Things are on the up. I feel it and have a really positive and upbeat mentality for the first time in a while. Brushing aside my somewhat cynical thoughts of what might be and throwing caution to the wind, well not exactly as I don’t want to bring out the self destruct button. But in a controlled way I am considering new things and making more plans.

I am going to have a holiday, which always brightens me up although the thought of leaving my loved ones back here also kind of fills me with trepidation. I am not a seasoned traveller. I always wanted to travel when I was younger, you know travel safely to far flung places and see the world but never got off the ground. My inbuilt craving to be loved saw me spending my time instead with unsuitable and and often manipulative boyfriends after an early relationship ended. I also needed to support myself so didn’t escape it all as it wasn’t financially possible. It is only since I am lucky enough to have a partner who wants me to travel the world and embrace new things who sends me off on little journeys from time to time that I have been able to do so.

There is something wonderful about him that makes him say. Haven’t you always wanted to go to that place? You should, we’ll do it. Wanting me to see some of the wonderful places he has been to for myself, camera and notebook at the ready. He knows that I will be enriched by the experience. He always knows just the right time that my body, or soul is needing something and I come back with renewed vigour, excitement and strength and loving him for sending me away. I miss him like crazy when we are apart and worry about him, but yes he is able to cope without me and I get a heroes welcome from him and the dog when I return.

But lately I got to thinking about the benefit of Reiki and the fact that I have had only one session and it made such a massive difference to me. It was about 3 years ago. At the time I also learned to channel that same energy after the session. I read some things and tried to learn more about it and when I was unwell I found that if I meditated and placed my hands upon the chakra points of the body the energy helped to alleviate pain. At the time I was going through a very frustrating situation in my workplace and couldn’t speak up about the problems there as my voice wasn’t being heard by my superiors. I had terrible sore throats for a couple of months. It turned out that my throat chakra was blocked. I have had a problem with lumps in my throat ever since then which have never really gone away. I did get checked out by the hospital but they could not do anything about it. However I often felt that the pain that I had there could be alleviated by the warming energy when I meditated and placed my hand just in front of my throat for about 60 seconds. I did eventually get the opportunity to speak up, but by then a lot of damage had been done both mentally and physically by the toxic environment I had been in.

Recently I thought about that healing energy again and how I craved to become well. I also thought about the crystals that I have in the house and how they can also assist me. A few of my friends have found the benefits of crystal healing and although I haven’t thought that I have used crystals in the past. They have been in my life for longer than I thought. Those odd stones purchased from time to time or found on my travels. A pretty thing that has caught my eye or appeals to the touch, that the hand is drawn to and rests upon. I don’t know all their names. Somehow I have been drawn to the ones that have been laying around in the house and I also did one of those questionnaires recently to see if my chakras were blocked as I just wasn’t getting better. I wanted to know what I could do to improve things.

Where there’s a will there’s a way as the saying goes.

It turned out that my heart chakra was blocked. I needed to open myself up to more love. But also to look beyond myself for it. To not be limited by ego, to love unconditionally and see the beauty in all things again. It is regulated by the Thymus gland whose purpose is to regulate the immune system. I have had a problem with my immune system for the past few years and have recently been working on strengthening it. The Thymus gland also governs hormone production and bodily functions. I’ve had IBS for many years but I’ve also noticed that I often have physical pain in between my shoulders which travels through to my chest at the front. It cramps and the only way I have found is to soak in a hot bath until it releases. I’ve had six months of pain in my breasts which I recently was told at the hospital was caused by cysts. My doctors have suggested that a lot of pain is often caused by psychological ailments which I’m not happy to accept. It makes me feel as though they think I’m nuts every time they say it. Then I find out that there is yet another physical reason for the pain and they backtrack again.

I read more of the article the Heart Chakra purpose is noted

• Love for oneself and others

• Relating, relationships

• Compassion, empathy

• Forgiveness, acceptance

• Transformation, change

• Ability to grieve and reach peace

• Compassionate discernment

• Centre of awareness, integration of insights

“When the Heart chakra is blocked you may also feel emotional and withdrawn” it was then I realised that this has been an issue for longer than I thought.

So what do I do now?

To release the blockage it mentioned use of certain essential oils, such as Rose, Geranium, Jasmine, Ylang Ylang and Bergamot. Most of which I had used recently when making gifts at Christmas time. Some of which are contained in a gift from a friend given to me for my Birthday last month.

It suggests wearing rose quartz, the crystal to bring more love into your life. Hmm I thought, I have a necklace sitting around I should clean it up and wear it. It has adorned an ornament for many years in my lounge and I haven’t worn it. Tarnished by misuse it has sat around the lady who sits crossed legged in my lounge, purchased long before I ever thought about yoga and the effects of it upon the body along with some Chinese I-ching coins bought for Luck some 20 years ago. She looked after them all for me. I have taken the necklace and cleaned it occasionally but recently unravelled it, washed it and placed it outside to cleanse it on the last full moon along with the other crystals I could find in the house. I was told to use the crystals I was drawn to in some way, to hold them or wear them. So instead of replacing the delicate chain around her neck, I put it on mine and it has stayed there.

My mum who makes beautiful crystal jewellery often will change some of the beads in a bracelet for me based upon what she feels I need at the time when she makes a repair. Meanwhile

the tarnish has gone from wearing this necklace and showering with it on, it is silver. I have noticed it’s beauty although it looks slightly out of place with the gold that adorns my neck daily I have left it there. The other night my partner noticed it and said “what a beautiful necklace is it New?”

I laughed as I told him I needed to open my heart to more love recently so I thought I would wear it. He gave me one of those funny looks that I get when he knows more than he lets on and goes with the flow.

But I can’t deny that I have felt much better in the couple of weeks since wearing this Stone around my neck. More loved and loving generally. I have become more accepting of my body and the fact that although it doesn’t work in the way that used to, it still carries me around and I need to look after it. Kind of nurturing towards it. Considering it’s needs and where I can change things for the better. More loved and loving towards me.

Things are changing for the better and we are both thinking more positively. Instead of dwelling on our misfortunes I have been giving thanks again for all that is good and focusing on each and every thing that goes our way and positive outcomes. I used to spend a lot of time thinking in this way when things were better in the past, but somehow it kind of disappeared under the fog of the past few years and I couldn’t seem to shake it off. I am returning to conscious thought and how it affects us.

I think I have been able to let go of the grief that has consumed a huge part of me for a couple of years. It turns out that I have been living in grief for such a long time. Grief for me, trauma, for situations and for loved ones and I think that I have finally been able to release myself from it. I will no longer allow it to hold me back.

These small steps all add up to a long walk, but I feel that at last I am heading in the right direction now.

Daily Prompts – Simplify

A Million Thoughts

A million thoughts crashing through my head,

As I lay here in my bed.

Like the charge of the light brigade.

Only no one coming to my aid.

Running so fast my brain can’t catch them,

Not one flitting through and back again.

What am I thinking, is any of it conscious?

Staying put would be advantageous.

Sudden thoughts of this and that.

Wondering just where I’m at.

Thoughts are completely unstructured

Not a moments sleep that I’ve mustered

So quickly they disappear,

Will I remember is my fear.

Replaced by one after another,

As I hide under the cover.

They arrive thick and fast.

Will any of them try to last.

Taking away all hope of sleep.

Can’t even imagine counting sheep.

Are they plans, hopes or dreams.

Is not all as it seems.

A child’s voice in my head,

I don’t recall what he said.

The laughter momentarily filled the air,

But I know that no one’s there.

What to do with this onslaught,

When I am so deep in thought.

And when the storm of this has passed,

I’ll finally rest and sleep at last.

Daily Prompts – Puzzled

The Upward Climb

Daily Prompts – Strategy

So this week we have had a super moon where awesome things are supposed to come our way, big changes which we hoped and pray for. I did a lot of thinking this full moon as I often do. I take time out on my own, just an hour or two with my thoughts and write things down. It helps to get things clear on my head, I definitely feel more positive when I can see her beauty and light shining down. These days I can rarely sleep over the few days before and after the full moon has visited. It isn’t excitement although each one does fill me with renewed hope that I will achieve my goals, however small and insignificant they may be to others.

After another almost sleepless night I felt compelled to sketch, well write actually, the things that I want to let go of. The things that do not serve me and that I want to see much less of. This is my first version, the one that contains hope for the future. There is another, which I will burn ceremoniously to rid myself of all the things that I want to be gone from my life, that have dragged me down for too long. It’s embers being sent off into the atmosphere along with the bad stuff. Cleansing my future and making way for an abundance of good things to take its place.

It is becoming my ritual to set myself free and set my intentions.