Intricate dreaming.

It’s happening again, the broken sleep, the intricate dreaming.

Woven stories with such a huge amount of detail that it feels I am not sleeping at all, but reliving a moment in the past, except that it can also feel like the future.

Things that I should know, are laid out before me.  As clear as day.

Unrecognisable places where my life is unfolding.

People who seem to know me, where I am a part of their unknown life.

Like the ghost of Christmas past has visited and gone, is this the present and the future all rolled into one?

There is such clarity, a picture in time, just there. No explanation of it.

No voice to tell me why.

Or a statement of fact or truth, like a lightning bolt, waking me from slumber, forcing me to sit up and take note. Literally.

Sometimes, I am able to return to sleep, much later on in the night. Then I go back to dreaming the same dream, the same people the story growing as the night continues. I awake and can relive these dreams over and over, remembering the minutest detail once I am up for the day.  Sometimes I feel that I don’t want to be there at all, not with a part to play or even as a bystander. Sometimes the subject matter concerns me so greatly that sleep is gone for the rest of the night and I am perturbed or upset.

Occasionally I just awake with a different feeling, as though something has changed its course and I am unable to do anything  about it. I merely have to accept the new direction and go with the flow.

And in my waking hours things have also changed. There are skills that were previously hidden from view suddenly out in the open. Improvement in my mathematics, mental arithmetic and that is a first for me. Also painting and drawing that actually looks like its meant to. Recognisable artwork, just because I have tried a new technique I’ve seen or a different medium.

Things like I have experienced some sort of awakening to the real me. The feeling that nothing is impossible and I just have to try and it will all pan out. Perhaps the universe is finally working in my favour. Teaching me how to be better or stronger, preparing me for some unknown.

Image from Morguefile.com

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Home from Home.

 

Esther’s Weekly Challenge Favourite Family Holidays…

Just one week in a new place, one of the last holidays I remember us having all together as a family.

That home from home we didn’t want to leave.

Where we arrived and Mum began to bake,

The farmhouse kitchen just begging to be used. A basement store its dark cavern, full of unknown but interesting jars of produce waiting to be discovered.

A big pine table we could all sit around for breakfast overlooking the apple tree, laden with fruit as the tractors went about their business.

The big wooden bed with the patchwork quilt that you had to climb up onto and window seats to while away the time with a book.

The room I shared with my sister, looking out at the cows who came to the back wall to the cottage curious as to what we were doing laying on the floor looking out over the fields.

Memories of a Summer Holiday and the new friends we made.

A farm with barns and hay and animals, freedom to run wild and free in nature.

A true country farm cottage in the place with a very strange name.

This is a true story, we stayed in a holiday cottage at a place named Normanby-by-Spital, in Lincolnshire when my sister was very young, my brother and I were teenagers and although he was bored by the idea, we soon made new friends and explored the countryside. It turned out to be one of our most favourite holidays together.

 

Upon reflection.

Upon reflection, all in this life game.

I think of you so often and will never be the same.

Reflecting on the tears of joy and those of sorrow

And hoping for a sign and yet a much longer tomorrow.

Love was what you brought to us, it’s there for all to see,

That this is what you gave to all now I have clarity.

The friendships now rekindled, that once were dead and gone,

From every path of life they walked and joined us in the throng.

Flowers and written tributes, for a faithful friend

and later on we hope in time that our hearts will mend.

The feathers all around us, sent from you to say,

That you are never gone from us, for you will always stay.

Emotions up and down the tears we often cry,

Reminding us that we love you as we fought to say Goodbye.

But my dearest brother don’t worry as this is not the end.

Your message carries on here, filled with love you send.

Change is often painful as we reset the pace.

Friends will be around us, locked in our embrace.

Twenty Three

It has been a really tough time lately and although I’ve been writing occasionally little of it has made it to the blog. But on a happier note, it was our 23rd Anniversary yesterday. This is for my darling who has been there for me all of this time. Thank you!

Twenty Three.

It seems that we are twenty three,

I’m wondering how, this could be.

When we met at twenty one,

Our journey together, just begun.

Who could have said or could have foreseen,

That you would treat me as your queen.

For those of them who were in the know,

Who would have thought the love you’d show.

I’ll be frank no need to be rude,

My life is filled with gratitude,

Good times we’ve had there’s many more,

Not knowing what life holds in store.

So if our time is long or short,

Our love has grown, pleased to report.

The futures bright, is our outlook.

Another page to our long book.

What we’ve encountered to here thus far

Would send most off to the nearest bar.

But we get through and carry on,

Because together we are strong.

When we are pulled back from the brink,

Take a moment to stop and think.

Here we remain side by side,

The only place my for heart to reside.

No other person could ever replace,

My beloveds’ eyes and handsome face.

However many more years we see,

That you remain right here with me.

May beauty be there to behold,

In our hearts til, we grow old.

Suddenly we are twenty three,

I wish you Happy Anniversary!

And as I hope for many more,

We start another, our twenty four.

My Brother.

When your world’s outpouring grief,

There’s no relief.

While the grief has just begun,

I feel so numb.

Where I think of what is left,

I feel bereft.

Nerves are buzzing, feel the pain

My memories remain.

Where does all this come from,

Because your gone.

Never again to return,

My eyes burn.

There with me right from the start,

Piece of my heart.

As I’m reeling from the loss,

Can’t count the cost.

As my life enforced this change,

It feels so strange.

There’s no distance near or far,

Small shining star.

Never again to hear your voice,

I have no choice.

Feeling raw and very blue,

Because of you.

Shattered dreams are torn apart,

New course of life to chart.

Which direction to navigate,

Things so highly I will rate.

Back in a moment filled with your joy,

Our beloved and cherished boy.

No longer here to hold my hand,

Can’t begin to understand.

Why you had to go away,

And couldn’t stay.

My loss is heavens gain,

It’s such a shame.

Despite it all it’s safe to say,

You did it your way.

You lived life fast, enjoyed the ride,

Now the pace has stopped I want to hide.

But life will go on and yet besides,

Can’t find release where pain resides.

Silent prayer to the one your soul to keep,

Whilst I sit and weep.

My brother and my very first friend,

It’s not the end.

Angel Wings

070818 Angel Wings.

As we sat in the park,

Nature all around us, shoes off, feet on the ground.

I noticed it.

The angel waving from the other side.

Playing with the children.

It’s wings flapping up and down.

Vying for my attention.

Trying to send it’s message.

Look closely and you will see.

So much is sent to try us.

You can get through this.

You are loved.

We sat on the grass,

In shock for what had happened.

Events of the day and before.

Emotions raw and anger creeping in.

And Breathe…

Letting it out.

I tried to remain calm.

The voice of reason in crisis.

We talked, all of us three.

Unintentional but despite the distance,

You’d always join in somehow.

A perfectly placed signal just when it was needed.

Reassurance, holding my hand.

I noticed a single white feather.

Then another and another.

And all around us a circle of them had fallen.

In case we hadn’t noticed.

Surrounding us with love.

Your love will last forever.

No one will take it away.

Conclusion – My Australia Trip

Written 31/3/18

So as I return home after a month in the Beautiful Queensland Coast with my dear friends, I am struck by how down to earth I felt about this wonderful place. I immediately felt homely in this unknown place. As I left I knew that I would miss the family so much and that saying my Goodbyes would be difficult. But we are all happy in the knowledge that this will not be my last trip to Australia.  It is just the beginning of my travels to this part of the world.  I guess that hasn’t quite sunken in yet as I sit on the first leg of the flight home. I have rung my partner and heard that they are alright (as alright can be) at home and as my friends family will all be asleep now having journeyed back to Eudlo, where they all stay, part of me is wishing that I was also tucked up in a nice warm bed, but that is for tomorrow.

As I figure out in my fuzzy head a way to get my family over to Australia in one piece, if only it is his dream too, I could perhaps satisfy my wanderlust with regular trips if some of my contacts might put some work my way.  Time to make a few more phone calls I think.

Today, my last day in Australia, we visited Coolum Beach, a lovely area which was absolutely littered with blue jellyfish, which apparently have a vicious sting to their rather lengthy tail.

Since I was attacked by a green ant only yesterday, I was not inclined to repeat the exercise with one of these beasties today, so we dodged rather a lot of them along the beach, but the waves were high, we wrote messages on the sand, whilst the boys played and ran up and down.  The sun was shining and I looked at the iridescence of the water as the tides crossed my path. It was beautiful and for a moment, I lingered there not wanting to leave.

Swept away in the moment I was transfixed by the waves which reached the shore. Only being brought back to the present when the boys called out to us.

We went on to Coloundra, which is a favourite since my friends Mum currently lives there and it is where they began their time here, just after emigrating. There was a fish restaurant which served wet fish too, it was on a main road, not particularly inspiring as places go, but my meal was enjoyable nevertheless Calamari and Swordfish steaks served with chips and a side salad.

I was quite pleased to see a Pelican fly over the car as we arrived along the beach front and he rested upon the wall of a block of flats. I managed to get a photograph of him before we left. Another thing that I will remember of Coloundra.

 

 

 

 

There is snow back home, just a few small flurries here and there so I am told, but I hope that he brings a warm coat to the airport, despite the layers I have packed, I know that after the warmth of the Sunshine Coast I am really going to feel the cold at least for the first few days. I may even have to resort to Thermals, but lets hope not.

So what will I be taking with me from this trip?

Positivity, that there is so much that is better and that is actually available to me in this life, not having to wait until the next one to experience it all.

Do I believe in reincarnation…

Hmm, although I have long thought that we get one life and should live it. It’s one of those things that I hope that we do get some kind second chance if the odds have been against us in this life thus far. Not necessarily if we live a pure and chaste existence, but if we do good unto others, try to help people along the way and such like.

I have met up with someone who gave me some wonderful advice regarding writing. She has been an inspiration for looking for the good in things, even when I have felt really low. To meet her in person after all this time, could have gone well, or not and neither of us were sure. We arranged to meet in the last week of my trip. Over a coffee and cake. It was an absolute joy to spend an hour or so with her, chatting about all kinds of things and finding out that we got along just fine.  It seems that we have indeed become friends and we will be keeping in touch.

As we drove back from the beach and I squashed all of my luggage into my cases in the hope that I didn’t have to take anything out.  My beach combed shells carefully placed in the luggage so that they will not get broken. The beautiful “Blue Shell” given me by my friend, who said I should have it.  We sat outside on her verandah in the sunshine and made jewellery from the Quandong stones which we had collected from the garden.  Or rather, I drilled the holes, my friend strung them and made them into two rather lovely necklaces, which are enormous, almost architectural in their style. But I also learned that sacred jewellery is made from them by the Aborigines.’ The kids decided since there were so many of them left over, that they would also make some one for their mum and one for a friend and each other.  We had picked up and cleaned up much more of them than we first thought from the garden and yet they still litter the floor at the back of the house, there are probably thousands of them and there will be many more when fruit season comes around. It is a shame that I did not get to see the blue fruit, but they have long gone, only the debris remains.  But we have seen the jewellery made by the monks at the nearby Buddhist Temple, Chenrezig up on the hill nearby.  The only difference being that they have added a bead and tassle to their ones. Ours are simpler, but hang beautifully as a double necklace, made by my own dear friend. There is one for me and one for my mother. Along with a bracelet one of the boys and I made from all of the beach shells and coral that had natural holes in.

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Handmade Quandong & Beach Jewellery

I tasted custard apple for the first time today, it has an interesting taste, I think I am more taken with the Mangoes and also the quite amazing Fruit Salad Fruit, a strange looking fruit which as it ripens and sheds its outer skin, you are left with something which resembles a skinned banana, but you can taste so many other fruit.

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Fruit Salad Fruit – Monstera Deliciosa

We each described it differently after a taste, one thought pineapple, another melon, and another banana.

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Jack Fruit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I tried Jack Fruit, which is another native one, it looks a bit like a hedgehog on the outside and has a pungent smell to it when it is ripe, but makes an awful mess and leaves a glue like substance, its sap which is difficult to remove, on everything that it touches. It was my friends’ first taste of the fruit too, she had read that you could prepare it and use it like a vegan version pulled pork, which is very popular.  It had a sweet taste in its raw form, which was quite pleasant, definitely fruity.  But once cooked takes on a whole new persona.  It lost its appeal somewhat and then only took on the taste of the spices and sauce which it was cooked in.  So isn’t something I’d be likely to try again.

I thought that I would do some things differently whilst I was away, but didn’t.  Firstly I thought that I would write lots of poetry, but didn’t write any at all.

I also thought that I would meditate but although there were times when I sought peace and calm I did not, not even once! Well, not intentionally although the calm swept over me every time my toes hit the sand.

I thought that I might struggle to drive a manual car again on roads which I do not know, with the different layout and rules, but I took to it once again like a duck to water. One drive out in the car, ten minutes in and it all came flooding back to me, the first drive in an unknown place. The South of France all those years ago, it was as natural as breathing. I soon learned some of the routes to enable us to get back home. We did have the mobile sat nav, but when the signal was non existent or the batteries low, we somehow still made it back.

The fact that I was open to trying new things, experiences and directions, meant that this was the holiday that I needed it to be, filled with wonderful places, beautiful sights, friendly and welcoming people.  It was a very pleasant surprise to be wished a safe journey, by the people I met around the town before I left. They had observed my arrival, as a tired unwell traveller and observed the change in me finding my feet and would all stop to talk and find out what I thought of their little town.

The nearest town Mooloolah is more like one of our villages, spread out over a greater area, but with similar facilities to a British country village. A few essential stores and a fuel station, but there is a good network of regular trains going past at the bottom of the garden.  I have never seen such lengthy freight trains, but maybe next time when I return to this part of the world, I will take a journey on the train with my friend.

As I said Goodbye to the house, the area, my friends and their transport which has carried me safely on this journey, I watched the greenery whizzing by as a passenger in the car, thinking of many of the things that have captured my heart about this place and the many things I have yet to see and feeling quite emotional about leaving.

I will return one day, to my friends again and this place which has captured not just the imagination, but reignited my spirit of adventure and also a little piece of my heart. There is so much to see and I have barely scratched the surface, I simply have to see more.

The Daily Post – Explore