One Year On

I can’t quite believe we’re one year on,

From the day you were suddenly gone.

Your soft fur gone from under my hand.

As I fought to understand.

Circumstances left me sad and shaken,

When from us you were instantly taken.

It happened so quick you gone in a flash

Heart and mind a nightmare crash.

They say that grief will take a year,

We wish we still had you near.

A robin reminder there each day,

Tells me that you haven’t gone away.

Are clear in my thoughts and in my mind,

Didn’t dare hope again that we could find

A beautiful boy, another one.

We’d take on as our furry son.

Not small a baby, but quite grown

Who should never be alone.

He needs us, we need him too.

Therapy for both me and you.

So as I think of the time now passed,

How thoughts of love will always last.

And how you’re both right by my side,

When all I want to do is hide.

A cuddle when I need it most 

So drink to you my dogs a toast.

You made life different from before,

Here’s to the ones that I adore.

Who change our lives from what we knew,

We’re blessed to have been one of the few.

Taught us things they have to show.

Help us flourish and help us grow.

As that year’s gone by time’s marched on.

Looked up to find that you had gone.

Will look out for dancing butterflies,

Again as I feel my spirits rise.

There for a moment, gone too soon

Lightheaded happiness makes me swoon.

Come visit again and sing your song.

Still can’t believe that you are gone.

Across the fields of grass you run.

Wind in your fur and face to the sun.

Charging ahead right up the track,

Wait for me, not coming back.

Years filled with irreplaceable time,

But glad for a while that you were mine.

Not forgetting you were his too,

So sit and enjoy your beautiful view.

As we try so hard not to be sad,

I’ll hold his hand and cuddle your Dad.

While you are in your favourite place on the hill,

In both our hearts and minds here still.

There looking out far across the sea,

Now my son you’re running free. 

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A little bit of Sparkle

26/4/17 There is something quite magical about standing on the top of a hillside at 2am brushing your teeth in the moonlight. The crisp night air and a sky of the darkest blue filled with stars. There was not a sound but for the crackling of the fire when my partner rushed into tell me that it was snowing! It is the very first time that I’ve experienced this up on the hill and although it had been so cold that we couldn’t feel our fingers and toes all day it was still unexpected at almost the end of April. But there we were surrounded by a beautiful crunchy layer of white snow, totally pure and sparkling peaceful and quiet. We took the dog out for his nighttime walk. He was thrilled. His Mama and Daddy wandering around and rushing up and down the garden whilst he ran and rolled and ate the snow he was in heaven eating it and prancing about. One happy pup we went back indoors to warm ourselves up and hoped that the power would not fail us in the night, we would need the electric blanket. Unfortunately all the cameras were dead by then so we only got a couple of pictures by torchlight.

I checked the weather report again last night and saw there’s a possibility of Thundersnow. Our boy would love it.

Northbound Journeying

Our journey up here was interesting to say the least. Our darling boy came on the longest trip he had ever been on in the car. He hated almost every minute of it and was very distressed crying and whining. He did not understand that it would be alright when we arrived. He wanted cuddles and reassurance it with his Mama in the front and him in the back it wasn’t possible. At nighttime he didn’t like the traffic noise of the lights of the vehicles behind us. It was a long Journey anyway it made all the longer by stress and tiredness. 

As we reached the border we were met with a beautiful red and orange sky, following the contours of the hills and mountains with silhouettes of the trees and occasional building or cottage.

Higher than our current landscape set way above our heads the colours did not reach all the way to the road ahead of us. 

It’s ethereal light creating another world somewhere above ours where all was at peace. Our own route now being cast into the darkness as we travelled onwards, but yet we were bathed in this warm orange glow. It warmed the soul sending shivers down my spine. “Look at that Sky!” he said to me. I am, I answered my voice almost hoarse with emotion tied up in a truly beautiful experience. Taking us away from the situation we have been in and leading us hopefully towards the next step. The orange sky like a molten sea coming down through the hills that night pooling into lakes with pine trees all around as we reached the border and our welcome to Scotland. The smile spreading across my face, heading home at last. 

Hideout

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Ahh the memories, of where we used to hide as Children.

At my Grandparents house, they had a dining table.  It had drop leaf sides and a cupboard in the centre with a shelf in the middle and a drawer at each end. When we played hide and seek with my cousins, this was usually where I chose, under the shelf inside.  Well, I was quite small!  I have the dining table in storage, the memories all came flooding back when I saw it.

In our first house, my favourite was in the larder, with my best friend sitting under the bottom shelf on the floor, making bread squares, by squashing the bread very hard into cubes.  It began when her father went fishing and we had a conversation about what fishing bait he used.

After that, when Dad emptied the big cupboard in my box room of all of his stuff and I was allowed to use the space to keep my toys and books. I used to sit in there and read stories to the Dollies and the Teddies.  The door would be open and I would take a pillow and sit on the floor of the cupboard with my back against the wall.

When we moved house aged 10, I had to find new hideouts.

A favourite was the bathroom roof, My bedroom window opened out above it and I would sit out on the ledge of the roof straddling it and be able to look down the street across all the other gardens, trees and flowers.  It was quiet there and no-one bothered me.  I always got into trouble for being out there since it was deemed dangerous, but I actually felt very safe up there.

Down the road from where we lived there was a brook with a bridge. I used to go there with my friend who lived over the road, we would fish for sticklebacks and read books and camp out under the bridge.

via Daily Prompt: Hideout Image: Morguefile

A Night Out, Gone wrong…

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This WordPress prompt suddenly reminded me of a situation I found myself in many years ago. It is part of the reason I rarely go out these days and feel generally safer in more relaxed environments.  Although the experience was contained, it was not one that I wished to repeat, however I was unfortunate when it happened to me again several years later. Now they are called Date Rape Drugs and there is alot more information readily available. Back then when your drink was spiked, there was little clue to the unsuspecting as to what with, or how to recover from it. I was just lucky that I did.

It was supposed to be a great night out, we had stayed at a friends Mum’s for the weekend. I had been looking forward to it for ages.

All dressed up we were met by her Uncle who was escorting us for the evening, nothing to worry about, we were in safe hands.

We queued for ages and finally walked into the club, the music was pumping and we were looking forward to a great night out in Birmingham.

As we bought our drinks, two guys came up to us and began talking. I had bought my friend a drink and myself a bottle of beer. I must have taken my eyes off my own drink as I passed hers across. I don’t know how else he could have slipped it into the bottle, but I did not get more than half way down it. Within minutes I felt strange, suddenly woozy and detached from the situation, as though I was on the outside looking in and my legs went.  My friend took my arm and guided me away from them into a corner, telling them to leave me alone. It was not to be the night or weekend I had hoped for.  I began to slur, my words were in my head, but I just couldn’t form them.  I did not know what was happening to me, was I having a stroke or something. I could not even tell her what had happened and it was scary, so scary.  My eyes pleaded with her not to leave me alone.  I could not stand, or walk properly.  She stayed watching over me, her Uncle keeping an eye on me whilst she danced a short distance away, they took it in turns throughout the evening.  We could not leave, we just had to wait it out for the drug to pass, so that my legs would work and for my heart rate to stabilise and she kept bringing me water, I was so thirsty.

A few hours later, I was able to stand.  I had no further recollection of the night, how we got home or any comprehension of the state that I was in.  They sneaked me into her mother’s house. I slept for hours, I was ill. I did not know how I would get home safely. I cannot recall how I did. I remember the next day, her mother assuming that I was the worse for wear. My friend explained what had happened and only when the Uncle verified what had happened did she believe us.

It was the last time that I stayed there and I did not venture to Birmingham again for a night out. I was lucky, my friends were around me to keep me safe.

via Daily Prompt: Slur

My Blogging Birthday.

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I read an article the other day on Linked in which inspired me to write one of my own on the subject of blogging. Later last night I read another linked here from a blog I follow A Thousand Bits of Paper  who tells of her draft folder and subject matter and how she dives in and out of there. I think that we all do it. Save some for later post it when it seems right, or not at all. I have on several occasions written thought I had finished a draft and then not felt quite right about publishing. Waiting for the right time to do so and having to edit it so much because the timing is out. But since I have the opportunity to elaborate here on my own blog about my own writing I feel inclined to.

As I head towards a whole year as a blogger, it feels kind of strange to be writing this. Firstly that something I had thought at first might not take off or might be short lived would become quite a big part of my life. When I thought that a little bit of writing here and there would turn into something that would consume so many of my waking hours and that my thoughts, however random they might be would be down on paper and/or the blog and I would be letting it all out in the open.

At first my partner was apprehensive about it. Having life as we know it out there for all to see and that is why you do not see his name here when I write. It’s easier that way. I wanted to keep him separate and protect him in some small way.  

Blogging has changed my life, I hope for the better. I have an outlet for thoughts and creativity which means I no longer carry them around bursting at the seams, an emotional wreck full of baggage clogging up my life, which is how I felt previously.

True, I haven’t done a great deal of go getting or living in the past year and have often felt constrained but not in the same ways as before. So it has helped me grow as a person, my writing has improved I think and I have connected with some wonderful people and writers along the way. I have found them to be both informative and supportive and thankfully right when I needed it, totally non-judgmental. I had been so fragile previously I don’t know if they sensed this in my writing, or just that I have been so extremely lucky. Either way, I am truly grateful for them and the experience of writing. I will continue with this blog it wasn’t a five minute wonder for me. More like the start of something wonderful and your comments have spurred me on. I have written a book and got it out there on Amazon at least. It’s a little acorn at the moment, but I felt that I would continue with my poems and there might be enough for a second one, who knows maybe even a third on the same vein. I am testing my writing language. I may decide to write that raunchy book too, since they also seem to be all the rage and at least it will get that little lot out of my head and I think that there might also be a novel hiding in there somewhere.

I still have a fight going on with my partner from time to time about my writing.  After all, He has demands upon my time more so while I have not had a job. I need to work but since I haven’t been able to this has kept me sane and given me the outlet to keep working towards something however small it might be. I also need space for my own thoughts, to release them without judgement. We don’t always agree and I don’t want to argue. We don’t often unless it’s something important or I feel really strongly about, but we talk about everything. I mean everything and sometimes I just crave some peace and quiet and it feels like overload. If I can’t get out on my own then I go and write. It helps to have some of your own space to do this uninterrupted. I make sure that I write most days even if it is just a diary entry just before I sleep. The pages on my phone have become my silent notebook if I need to write in the early hours or the morning and not all of it gets published here.

I used to carry notebooks around when I was working. I still have many of them and will go back to that since the batteries on the phone are always running low and it still needs to work as a phone I have been thinking of getting an electronic notebook though it might save me time when I’m going to work again. I like to get things put on the laptop and backed up since losing my hard drive a couple of years ago. I found it devastating. I don’t like to lose things.

I have recommended and encouraged others to venture into the world of blogging, to begin their own journey and see where it takes them for me  so far it has been such a wonderfully rewarding experience.

Today I received a notification that I had received 1337 likes to my blog.  A strange number to celebrate, but hey I’m glad that people out there in the big wide world are still liking what I write. I also now have 160 followers, so to all of you. I Thank You, I am grateful for you all making it worthwhile.

 

What Did He Say?

Ah, this clip takes me back to my childhood, the first time I heard it there were peals of laughter which filled the house and we all raced to the television to look at it. Mum had the song The Israelites on an album by Desmond Dekker and it was unusual to hear it on the TV at that time.

We often have misheard things, we go out walking and with cotton wool in my ears as I have had to have the past few months, during our walks I often find myself asking of my partner, “What did he say?” as someone walks past.  It is a bit of a dead loss though since my partner is partially deaf in one ear and you can bet it will always be that side that the person has passed us by on, he does the same to me, which is usually met with shrugging from me since I have no idea.

We make a fine pair don’t we?

 

via Daily Prompt: Heard