Time to Heal

I can’t pinpoint exactly when it was that I thought again about Reiki and Chakras and focusing on getting better in whatever way I could but it’s pretty recently.

After a while of being unwell you start to look at any options which might be open to you, I guess that you become more open to the options too and try to simplify your routine accordingly. But it seems to have coincided with the shift in my life that I was also welcoming and appears to have begun.

Things are on the up. I feel it and have a really positive and upbeat mentality for the first time in a while. Brushing aside my somewhat cynical thoughts of what might be and throwing caution to the wind, well not exactly as I don’t want to bring out the self destruct button. But in a controlled way I am considering new things and making more plans.

I am going to have a holiday, which always brightens me up although the thought of leaving my loved ones back here also kind of fills me with trepidation. I am not a seasoned traveller. I always wanted to travel when I was younger, you know travel safely to far flung places and see the world but never got off the ground. My inbuilt craving to be loved saw me spending my time instead with unsuitable and and often manipulative boyfriends after an early relationship ended. I also needed to support myself so didn’t escape it all as it wasn’t financially possible. It is only since I am lucky enough to have a partner who wants me to travel the world and embrace new things who sends me off on little journeys from time to time that I have been able to do so.

There is something wonderful about him that makes him say. Haven’t you always wanted to go to that place? You should, we’ll do it. Wanting me to see some of the wonderful places he has been to for myself, camera and notebook at the ready. He knows that I will be enriched by the experience. He always knows just the right time that my body, or soul is needing something and I come back with renewed vigour, excitement and strength and loving him for sending me away. I miss him like crazy when we are apart and worry about him, but yes he is able to cope without me and I get a heroes welcome from him and the dog when I return.

But lately I got to thinking about the benefit of Reiki and the fact that I have had only one session and it made such a massive difference to me. It was about 3 years ago. At the time I also learned to channel that same energy after the session. I read some things and tried to learn more about it and when I was unwell I found that if I meditated and placed my hands upon the chakra points of the body the energy helped to alleviate pain. At the time I was going through a very frustrating situation in my workplace and couldn’t speak up about the problems there as my voice wasn’t being heard by my superiors. I had terrible sore throats for a couple of months. It turned out that my throat chakra was blocked. I have had a problem with lumps in my throat ever since then which have never really gone away. I did get checked out by the hospital but they could not do anything about it. However I often felt that the pain that I had there could be alleviated by the warming energy when I meditated and placed my hand just in front of my throat for about 60 seconds. I did eventually get the opportunity to speak up, but by then a lot of damage had been done both mentally and physically by the toxic environment I had been in.

Recently I thought about that healing energy again and how I craved to become well. I also thought about the crystals that I have in the house and how they can also assist me. A few of my friends have found the benefits of crystal healing and although I haven’t thought that I have used crystals in the past. They have been in my life for longer than I thought. Those odd stones purchased from time to time or found on my travels. A pretty thing that has caught my eye or appeals to the touch, that the hand is drawn to and rests upon. I don’t know all their names. Somehow I have been drawn to the ones that have been laying around in the house and I also did one of those questionnaires recently to see if my chakras were blocked as I just wasn’t getting better. I wanted to know what I could do to improve things.

Where there’s a will there’s a way as the saying goes.

It turned out that my heart chakra was blocked. I needed to open myself up to more love. But also to look beyond myself for it. To not be limited by ego, to love unconditionally and see the beauty in all things again. It is regulated by the Thymus gland whose purpose is to regulate the immune system. I have had a problem with my immune system for the past few years and have recently been working on strengthening it. The Thymus gland also governs hormone production and bodily functions. I’ve had IBS for many years but I’ve also noticed that I often have physical pain in between my shoulders which travels through to my chest at the front. It cramps and the only way I have found is to soak in a hot bath until it releases. I’ve had six months of pain in my breasts which I recently was told at the hospital was caused by cysts. My doctors have suggested that a lot of pain is often caused by psychological ailments which I’m not happy to accept. It makes me feel as though they think I’m nuts every time they say it. Then I find out that there is yet another physical reason for the pain and they backtrack again.

I read more of the article the Heart Chakra purpose is noted

• Love for oneself and others

• Relating, relationships

• Compassion, empathy

• Forgiveness, acceptance

• Transformation, change

• Ability to grieve and reach peace

• Compassionate discernment

• Centre of awareness, integration of insights

“When the Heart chakra is blocked you may also feel emotional and withdrawn” it was then I realised that this has been an issue for longer than I thought.

So what do I do now?

To release the blockage it mentioned use of certain essential oils, such as Rose, Geranium, Jasmine, Ylang Ylang and Bergamot. Most of which I had used recently when making gifts at Christmas time. Some of which are contained in a gift from a friend given to me for my Birthday last month.

It suggests wearing rose quartz, the crystal to bring more love into your life. Hmm I thought, I have a necklace sitting around I should clean it up and wear it. It has adorned an ornament for many years in my lounge and I haven’t worn it. Tarnished by misuse it has sat around the lady who sits crossed legged in my lounge, purchased long before I ever thought about yoga and the effects of it upon the body along with some Chinese I-ching coins bought for Luck some 20 years ago. She looked after them all for me. I have taken the necklace and cleaned it occasionally but recently unravelled it, washed it and placed it outside to cleanse it on the last full moon along with the other crystals I could find in the house. I was told to use the crystals I was drawn to in some way, to hold them or wear them. So instead of replacing the delicate chain around her neck, I put it on mine and it has stayed there.

My mum who makes beautiful crystal jewellery often will change some of the beads in a bracelet for me based upon what she feels I need at the time when she makes a repair. Meanwhile

the tarnish has gone from wearing this necklace and showering with it on, it is silver. I have noticed it’s beauty although it looks slightly out of place with the gold that adorns my neck daily I have left it there. The other night my partner noticed it and said “what a beautiful necklace is it New?”

I laughed as I told him I needed to open my heart to more love recently so I thought I would wear it. He gave me one of those funny looks that I get when he knows more than he lets on and goes with the flow.

But I can’t deny that I have felt much better in the couple of weeks since wearing this Stone around my neck. More loved and loving generally. I have become more accepting of my body and the fact that although it doesn’t work in the way that used to, it still carries me around and I need to look after it. Kind of nurturing towards it. Considering it’s needs and where I can change things for the better. More loved and loving towards me.

Things are changing for the better and we are both thinking more positively. Instead of dwelling on our misfortunes I have been giving thanks again for all that is good and focusing on each and every thing that goes our way and positive outcomes. I used to spend a lot of time thinking in this way when things were better in the past, but somehow it kind of disappeared under the fog of the past few years and I couldn’t seem to shake it off. I am returning to conscious thought and how it affects us.

I think I have been able to let go of the grief that has consumed a huge part of me for a couple of years. It turns out that I have been living in grief for such a long time. Grief for me, trauma, for situations and for loved ones and I think that I have finally been able to release myself from it. I will no longer allow it to hold me back.

These small steps all add up to a long walk, but I feel that at last I am heading in the right direction now.

Daily Prompts – Simplify


A Shooting Star?

As she lay down to sleep, her eyes closing from tiredness.

She asked for her angels to protect her and her loved ones. To keep evil away so that they might be safe and happy and they gain rest and recovery from ailments and worries.

She can see flowers, as though someone has scattered them above her, burgundy and white but she is not sure what they are.

Once again the buzzing of the nerves through her body, like a telephone ringing in her leg. Starting at the toes and radiating up the leg. The wake up call as it were. Does she have a direct line to them she wondered. Do they answer my call in this way?

She was shaken just once but as though two hands rest on her shoulders, were vying for her attention.

Just as she wanted to sleep. Ah insomnia my old friend, so you are back again she thought.

So she waited, willing for sleep to arrive and as she did so it began. The swirling lights on the inside of her eyelids and all around her as she breathed slowly and rhythmically and tried to relax. I think she knew what to expect. This time green mixed with blue, white and gold. Like her very own Aurora Borealis happening right there above her head, a long awaited dream coming true.

Opening her eyes she was not surprised that as before she was wide awake again. Suddenly no longer tired, the body momentarily invigorated by the experience. It happens again and she can still see the lights above her. Reassurance that I did not dream it.

The dog awakes from the other room, not excited by this spectacle, he does not run to look. She does not even know if he sees it or senses it. He takes a leisurely drink and comes to settle at her side just as the light show ends. But she cannot sleep and neither can he, he returns to the darkness of the next room huffing gently that his own sleep was disturbed again but not really knowing why. He will be back when it has settled down. As her body cries out for he sleep and let it wash over her, like the waves of tiredness, rest assured he will be there a furry assistant watching her back. As she drifts off and she looks up the reassuring image before her, that of two hearts in the doorway, beating and pulsating where once was darkness stood.

Some time passes and some sleep is gained before swallowing hard as the noise of piano keys crashing is in her ears. This sudden noise a rude awakening as she is awake once more but comforted by the breathing of the hound who has returned to the side of the bed she realises the message is loud and clear, that love is strong and all that matters.

And after staggered sleep she wakes to the blessing of being able to welcome another day, the sun rising on the new horizon colourful and bright and offering her new hope. Thanking them for the comfort they bring her on the darkest night. The gratitude that she holds for these special moments, the thoughts that she has been part of something special. A shooting star perhaps, flying through the cosmos on its way to somewhere new. A new galaxy to explore, reborn with new light to shine.

Daily Prompts Horizon

Quotes 2018 Part 2

To follow on from my last post. I thought a bit more about why I didn’t post last years quotes.

Other than it feeling like it was so last year…

And last year was not a good one in so many ways so I guess I am consciously trying to move on from it. At the beginning of the second week of 2018, things are already changing for me and I am feeling a whole lot more positive and seeing things in a new light.

It is not the normal type of new year positive thinking that we set out to motivate ourselves with after a heavy Christmas. This feels massively different as though something has shifted and I truly hope that it has.

All I can say is if this is the shape of the year to come, then I will be happy and some of my other wishes for this year may come about.

So here are some more of the quotes that appeal to me right now. May they offer a pick me up if and when you need one, inspiration to a lull, motivation when you need it. Reassurance if you are in doubt.

Or just put a smile on your face.


Letting Go

It is that time of year, the very last bit where we cannot help but to take stock of the year that has been and think about our hopes for the new one that’s coming.

What we wish to let go of, the old habits the things that no longer serve us.

And so it began on the early hours of this morning. The brain dump. You know those snippets of thought which do not give a clear picture, they are just random things flying around my head. A thought here and there which doesn’t make sense and then is gone forever.

Letting go.

So what am I letting go of?

Firstly, the thoughts that I am a sick person. This is a big one, I know it to be true but it is not who I am, therefore it should not shape me.

In the past few months I have got nowhere, it has held me back from living a life the way I want to and although I have rested the body and the mind I have felt defined by it and that should not be happening. I have relied upon Drs to find and treat the cause of illness and they have failed me, pushing me from pillar to post as they tell me that it’s not what they think it is, whilst not finding out what it actually is that has made me so suddenly and inexplicably ill. I do not fit in their box. So they have left me out in the cold to fend for myself and all that time has been wasted and I am left doubting my sanity and my longevity.

I am Me.

I am still the person I used to be, but I have grown. I have awakened parts of me which have been sleeping. Hidden from view for so long I had forgotten that they were there underneath all of the other stuff that has been going on.

I am still a loving, caring, partner and friend, daughter, mother. I am a great listener and confidante. Someone who offers careful advice when it is sought. Who will happily teach what I know to others if it helps them. In return I ask for consideration, for care and occasionally thanks for my efforts. It does not make me a bad person, I do require validation to know that I am not wasting my time and know that I am doing the right thing.

I am letting go of the victim inside, as I said to someone recently, that is in the past. Long gone and I have dealt with it and the fallout. Again it does not define me for that is not who I am. I have been victimised for the past few years and had some of the darkest thoughts of my life whilst I struggled to deal with the fallout from it. That is not who I am. I want to move on from that now is the time. I have battled it and the depression which comes in that package and I want to move on. Stronger from the experience not allowing it to hold me back any more.

I have done my grieving. For the Loved Ones we have lost, we cannot bring them back. Only the memories remain, sometimes a tear will fall and catch me out, but I will not wallow in the depths of grief or dwell on the circumstances which caused the loss.

Too much time has been spent dwelling on the past. The past is gone. It is time to move on, metaphorically and physically.

There is a whole world out there that I have yet to see.

But I don’t need to see all of it. Some of it the way that it is run, the damage that is being done to it and the people that are hurting each other in it, are not what I need in my life. I owe it to myself not to be drawn into this first hand. I have figured out that I annoy always strong enough to cope with the fallout.

As with so many things, I need to protect myself better. I need the connection with the earth that surrounds us so I am planning to spend even more time in nature and learn more about my foraging journey, it has taught me so much in the past year alone, given me medicine to heal my body and options with which to feed my family. I will grow more in whatever space I have, plants to nurture and care for us.

Friends and family. Over the past year, I have taken time out when I needed to. There have been times when the only people I have seen or spoken with for weeks have been my partner or my mother. I love the bond that I have with them both, but just sometimes I need other people in my life too. There have also been times when their company has been more than enough for me and I have sought, or even craved silence and solitude. They have often fought to understand that, but have given me space nevertheless. I want to see more of my friends this coming year, the ones who are still there or me and haven’t fallen by the wayside whilst I have been ill. The ones who care enough to make the time and effort that is needed to maintain a friendship. The ones who are not phased by my strangeness, the new things I want to try and still embrace me for it. My sisters and brothers, not bonded by blood but by shared interests, a love of life and all that it holds for us.

So as I attempt to let go of all the things that no longer serve me, a decluttering of the mind, body and spirit. I am starting to feel as though a weight is starting to lift.

The light that surrounds me, I need to let it in, it can only shine if it has a power supply. That has to be me, no one else. I have to make that happen.

I want to inspire again. Teach again, be a mentor to others. Share knowledge and help others grow and heal.

I think that in doing so, I will also be able to heal, for I am not yet complete in that process and do not have to do that alone. With the support of others so much more is possible. I do not have to fight things alone. I am not alone, there are people dealing with the same problems, probably also thinking that they are having to deal with it all themselves and that is not the case. Someone out there knows your pain, they also might know how to make it better.

Divide and conquer springs to mind. Divide the problem and we will conquer it. As they say a problem shared is a problem halved. Although that isn’t always the case, it can often help so talk to people, if not in person then at least online.

So what am I looking for at the end of this year?

Closure on so many subjects.

I do not want to take the things that have ruled me relentlessly over the past year into the next one. I’d like to say that they have no place in it but as many are still work in process, I think the key is not to let them dominate.

There are things which are yet to conclude, but the wheels are in motion, which means that I am not standing still, helplessly waiting on others to do as they should.

Next year I have to go out there and get it, whatever it may be. Grab the bull by the horns and steer my life in the direction it needs to go. To make progress, however small the steps at first. It is important for me to remain moving, not get set in the concrete caused by fear or trepidation.

I don’t yet know how, or what. But I do at least have my why…

If it is all left to chance, then there is a lack of direction and that easy come easy go doesn’t really suit me of my needs. I like the reassurance that there will be provision for what is needed. Food on the table, bills getting paid and flying along by the seat of my pants is not the way forward for me. It’s too stressful, it has caused more arguments and upset in the past 12 months than we have ever had. So I need to fix that and I need to do that soon.

I have been the breadwinner over the past few years and to take an enforced step back from that has caused such strain that I have often felt broken and helpless. Flailing around drowning when we should be treading water. So if I am well enough to find a job, if it pays the bills then I will give it a go. If it is an unqualified job, with no responsibilities then it will be less stressful and I may be ale to rebuild myself to management level again at a later date. Physical capability might not yet allow me to follow my business dreams but I will hold them in my heart and mind and if I can start as projects or hobbies then I can build on those skills for later.

They are my dreams and I will not just give up on them. So I intend to follow some of mine this year.


Merry Christmas

Home made Christmas Wreath

#Merry Christmas

To all the people who have made my life brighter this year with their writing, their images, their ideas and their inspiration.

Yes I mean you!

The readers, friends who cajole, inspire, support my ramblings and my thoughts however dark or bright they might be and who comment and share in the moments with me.

Recycled Slate MemoRecycled Slate Chalkboard

I have not written as much this year as I did last year. I am disappointed about that but my health has changed the way my life was going and I have had to learn to adapt to the way things have become. The new normal for me for the time being. I do not know what next year will bring. I only hope that it brings better health, less stress and more happiness for all of us. I hope that I will write more next year, both poems and happier posts, sharing good news with you all. This year has been a new kind of difficult, challenging in so many ways but I am hopeful for a brighter future.

Rosehip Syrup Herbal TeaPlum & Ginger Jam

As for Christmas in our home I figured out a few months ago that this Christmas was not going to be the usual what can we all buy each other that we don’t really need scenario. I have not had a proper job for two years so I informed family and friends that if I couldn’t make it, then I wouldn’t be doing it. Thankful that they accepted this I set about making their gifts and I have included here some of my snapshots of the things I’ve made.

Home made Decorations Truffles & GingerbreadSpiced Plum Sauce & Chocolate Truffles

So I embraced my creativity in other ways. Thanks to the people in a group or two that I joined on Facebook I have learned how to make things with foraged fruit and herbs, some of which will be given as gifts. I remembered that I enjoy cooking and making things so tried my hand at biscuits, truffles, gingerbread and cakes. I also made oils for cooking, jam, herbal massage oils and teas. I have made scented bath salts, Jewellery and Christmas decorations. I am also using recycled packaging wherever possible for these gifts. I also joined a group which showed me so many things that I had forgotten like ways to reuse and rethink and repair and recycle. I have so many wonderful ideas planned for next year that I want to try.

I have been cooking for weeks, trying things out and some have been gratefully received and others have driven my partner crazy. If I fancied making something new I set about finding a recipe to give it a try. He could not understand why I wanted to mess about with it all, but on limited means and I have made the most of the opportunity having learned new skills this year and revived older ones which I have forgotten. I spent a wonderful day recently with my sister where we made biscuits together, it’s something I don’t think we have ever done, we learned together and I loved the process.

Gingerbread Biscuits

When I have not been able to sleep, often In pain I have got up and made something. It hasn’t cost me much, only time and energy. Sometimes on my feet for hours, I have been exhausted but nevertheless for these simple things I have had a sense of accomplishment, which has been so important to me.

Plaited silks bracelet Vintage Crystal Beads BraceletShooting Star Biscuits

Homemade gifts are not everyone’s cup of tea. I have noticed a shift in the past few years where it has been more acceptable than it used to be, for that I am extremely grateful. I think it is lovely when someone has taken the time to make you something and it’s appreciated it is much more personal. I understand that not everyone has the opportunity or the skills to do that, but if you do then why not? It has brought back the real meaning of Christmas to me and I have made my gifts and are giving them to special people with love. So far they have been happily received and compliments abound. Especially with the foodstuffs.

This year we are at home in the South, much as we are missing our beloved Scotland I have dreams of a Christmas spent in our cottage of the future, especially when they play the reruns of the film The Holiday on television. I want to decorate our little place with things from the garden and the woods, home made decorations and lights on a tree a roaring fire in the house and the smell of woodsmoke and pines, while I cook the Christmas dinner, all snuggled up together with the family. I still have those dreams I’d like to fulfil.

So whatever you are doing for these holidays, however you choose to spend them. I hope that you are with people who mean a lot to you and you spread a little happiness.

As we look forward to a new and exciting year ahead, things can only get better.

With love and best wishes…

Merry Christmas everybody.


Beloved Puppy

Beloved puppy, loyal boy,

Still not so little bundle of joy.

My confidant and my furry friend,

Who knew how much I would depend.

Whose fur I reach out just to touch,

Whose love returned to me so much.

Coming along in leaps and bounds,

What joy again our lives have found.

Lays by my side when I’m at rest,

Cuddles to share our great big nest.

My furry assistant by my side,

Sends baddies running off to hide.

Has at last found his voice,

Joined our family his own choice.

Delighting in good things to eat,

Friends and family eager to meet.

His fans visit adoring him you know,

Responds with joy he’ll happily show.

To express pleasure he’ll often squeak,

It’s how he always used to speak.

But words have often replaced the noise,

As he comes over to me to share his toys.

Reassurance that’s there to last,

No matter what was in his past.

Excitement for the love he’s shown,

The Mama he can now call his own.

When I’m in turmoil or in a muddle,

Will share my space with a big cuddle.

He’s growing fast and strong and tall,

We chose the best one from them all.

The Daily Post – Nest


Preparing for Christmas…

So we are now less than a month away from Christmas and I am wondering if I should decorate the trees? I was thinking that I might make some tiny handmade decorations for these little ones, although they will have to be weatherproof as these two already live outside.

These babies were grown from seeds dropped from pine cones collected from our home in Scotland by some people who are very special to me and have now moved to the other side of the world in Australia. Before they emigrated they gave them back to me and one day when they’ve grown they might be taken back to their homeland. Meanwhile they are about 12 ins tall, keeping me company in the South and reminding me of home and them.

As we get nearer to Christmas I will miss my friends even more and cherish the memories we have of last year when I got to visit them for a few days before they went. I am lamenting the fact that this year I won’t be able to send the silly gifts and home made things to one of my dearest friends, but I will hold them close to my heart and as always send them love. The distance is just a number, until we meet again.