Tock Tick, 

Tick tock, tick tock

Incessant noise from the clock

Tock tick, tock tick
All the while that I am sick.

It carries on doesn’t want to stop

When I am ready just to drop.

Reminds me that time marches on

While they figure out what is wrong.

All the while as I lay in my bed

The noise I hear going through my head 

Layers upon layer it’s there underneath,

Hear it so loud I clench my teeth.

While there is pain my body quakes,

Blood pumping fast I have the shakes.

Ever changing from the norm,

My life has taken on new form.

So different now from before,

Not knowing what it has in store.

On most days I live in pain,

Thankful for some small gain.

The gratitude when things go right,

When I can sleep through the night.

When I can feel I do not shirk,

And I’m able to do some work.

See my way through the brain fog,

To enable me to walk the dog.

Walk up the road from side to side,

Stagger along with him at my side.

Is she alright or is she drunk?

Wish I could escape from this funk.

Erratic emotions cause alarm,

Losing all my grace and charm.

Will they notice my thoughts are mussed,

Or disregard they are not fussed.

People have fallen by the way,

As I fight through each day.

Some are still there as they should,

They are the ones who are kind and good.

Yes life has changed beyond recognition,

Going forward, time out, this intermission.

For this is not how it will stay for me,

I’m sure it’s only temporary.

Over time I’ll start to get better,

Once again be that go-getter.

I hope that it’s not permanent,

For this is not how my life’s meant.

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One Year On

I can’t quite believe we’re one year on,

From the day you were suddenly gone.

Your soft fur gone from under my hand.

As I fought to understand.

Circumstances left me sad and shaken,

When from us you were instantly taken.

It happened so quick you gone in a flash

Heart and mind a nightmare crash.

They say that grief will take a year,

We wish we still had you near.

A robin reminder there each day,

Tells me that you haven’t gone away.

Are clear in my thoughts and in my mind,

Didn’t dare hope again that we could find

A beautiful boy, another one.

We’d take on as our furry son.

Not small a baby, but quite grown

Who should never be alone.

He needs us, we need him too.

Therapy for both me and you.

So as I think of the time now passed,

How thoughts of love will always last.

And how you’re both right by my side,

When all I want to do is hide.

A cuddle when I need it most 

So drink to you my dogs a toast.

You made life different from before,

Here’s to the ones that I adore.

Who change our lives from what we knew,

We’re blessed to have been one of the few.

Taught us things they have to show.

Help us flourish and help us grow.

As that year’s gone by time’s marched on.

Looked up to find that you had gone.

Will look out for dancing butterflies,

Again as I feel my spirits rise.

There for a moment, gone too soon

Lightheaded happiness makes me swoon.

Come visit again and sing your song.

Still can’t believe that you are gone.

Across the fields of grass you run.

Wind in your fur and face to the sun.

Charging ahead right up the track,

Wait for me, not coming back.

Years filled with irreplaceable time,

But glad for a while that you were mine.

Not forgetting you were his too,

So sit and enjoy your beautiful view.

As we try so hard not to be sad,

I’ll hold his hand and cuddle your Dad.

While you are in your favourite place on the hill,

In both our hearts and minds here still.

There looking out far across the sea,

Now my son you’re running free. 

When Loved Ones Revisit. 

I don’t know if you believe that loved ones who have moved on to another life visit you to remind you from time to time. I am a firm believer in this. The Robin who appears every day singing its little heart out on the hill whenever we are there. Who first appeared when we scattered some of Kato’s ashes in his favourite spot. It always comes to see us in front of the house, singing loudly to announce its arrival. This year it showed us its new baby, just as we did. We showed it ours and it returned daily whilst we were there. 
Yesterday was the year anniversary of my last accident. When a wonderful surgeon spent three hours stitching my face back together after going off duty. For which I will be eternally grateful. She did a wonderful job. Quite often you can barely make out the scars, the skin has healed very well. I am still working on the emotional ones. It takes time.

Then one year ago today we lost our beloved Kato. It broke our hearts a day we will never forget when we had to say Goodbye. We have been grieving for a year. Yesterday we were talking about him. We often do because we talk about most things and it helps us both. 

As we spoke of him suddenly we were joined in the garden by the most enormous and beautiful dragonfly we have ever seen it was four inches long and just as wide, you couldn’t miss it as it flew over us.

Now dragonflies are known as reminders of loved ones who have passed away.

The dragonfly swooped around in front of us both and swirled around our heads. Roki stood up and barked, which is unusual for him and went over to where it stopped to take a look. It landed on the honeysuckle right where Kato saved the baby bird by letting me know it had fallen from its nest and was trapped in the branches and made sure that I rescued it and set it free.

The dragonfly sat there for about five minutes. It was larger than life and close up it looked black and white with silvery wings. Of course it was. It embodied everything that Kato was in that sentence.

It made me quite emotional to see it. Touched by this thing of beauty. I went inside to get my phone to see if I could get a photo of it, it took a while to see it sitting there camouflaged in the bush but look closely on the middle of the bush as I did to get this photo and you will see it. After I spoke to it, it flew skywards. I prayed that it would have a safe journey and return to me. 

I am sharing with you again today my poem Butterflies and Dragonflies written last year, a short while after he passed away.

https://indiablue.co.uk/2016/09/03/butterflies-dragonflies/

Light & Dark

So I’m wandering around, in the light and in the dark.
Wondering about life and how I’ll make my mark.
Ambition to look forward, which will drive us always on.
But who really is to say, what is right and what is wrong?
There are so many of them, Unanswered questions in my mind.
As I sort through them all, I try to just remind
That this life is ever changing
For the good and for the bad
I am just resting here right now
Not really going mad.
Time is ticking onward and I want to move along.
Don’t want to reach the end, the fat lady sings her song.
Without finding a something that will set me there apart.
A confused misguided person, who just once followed her heart.
So leave it all to fate, or manifest your dreams.
And hope that it gets better than it often seems.
As tears have started flowing, my sadness rears its head
And that Karma works its magic, long before we are dead.
To hope that there is something, which out there good will bring
Back to us with fortune, love and faith within.

Through Thick and Thin

They couldn’t get between us.
Through thick and thin we’ve stayed,
Don’t always make a fuss
We saw it when they’ve played.
When things are sent to try us,
And be sure they often will.
Just know that I am by your side,
However you may feel.
Sometimes things are too much,
they try to get us down.
But I know there’s a smile,
Which hides behind each frown.

 

Glitter

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Glitter
Shower the air with a wave of glitter,
Shine on me, not feeling bitter.
Look up in the air and see the space,
While it falls upon my face.
Twirling myself in a daze,
Reliving some of those sunny days.
Arms up, reaching to the sky,
Worrying not about him or I.
Sprinkles resting on the floor,
Shining clearly, wanting more.
Glinting brightly in the sun,
Promise of the things to come.
Twinkle Twinkle, little star
Gazing down from afar.
Watching all the colours shine,
Kid myself I’m feeling fine.
Fingers through it they will trace,
Captured in time, a forgotten place.
Taken away for a moment there,
Happy, free, without a care.

via Daily Prompt: Glitter Image: Morguefile