Person in Progress

via Daily Prompt: Toxic

Not to put to fine a point on it, most of the last year or two has been toxic in alot of ways. It has not gone well, besieged by illness and tormented by the past and situations which I felt powerless to change.  But underneath it all, little did I realise that actually I was changing. We are ever changing and sometimes, it creeps up on us and whacks us over the head with the proverbial hammer. Sometimes it needs to.

I needed to change, so many things.  My self-destructive thinking, my approach to people always thinking that it was my job to make them like me and getting awfully disappointed and even upset if they didn’t. My attitude to myself and general way of thinking. I had to stop taking things so personally, but the trouble with being an empathetic soul means that unless you take time to protect yourself, then it feels as though it is all on you, your responsibility to make things better for others, to listen, to advise etc, etc. Sometimes it is just too much to cope with.

Then someone wonderful sat me down for a little talk, well actually a lot of talks over quite a long period of time. She told me that I was a nice person, (I have always tried to be) that I am loved and that people should be proud to know me and work with me, that I am an inspiration and encouragement to others and if they didn’t like me, then it was their problem and not mine.

That last bit, I have to admit was a bit of a thunderbolt. I don’t think that I was equipped to deal with it at the time, but it was nice to hear it.  But there it sat, at the back of my mind for months and months.  Slowly over time, I began to view myself differently, I looked at the things that I could do, the ways that I could help people and even in some small way, I decided that if people didn’t like me, then that was it. I wasn’t going to beat myself up trying.

This was a sign of a new me emerging.  I also found my usually reserved thoughts, creeping out, when someone made me angry, or sad, or hurt then I became vocal about it. I occasionally swore, whereas the previous me would have done almost anything to avoid this, I have become more like my siblings who don’t hide their emotions. It didn’t always make me nice to be around, but as time has gone by, I have been fighting invisible illnesses which people do not understand and trying to keep a brave face.  Sometimes the cracks show.

I have looked into myself, rediscovered my spirituality, things that make me tick, instincts which I have long neglected to follow, recognition of things that I know to be true.  I have looked at alternative ways to heal physical ailments. Having been let down by medics who are supposed to help, left out in the cold I decided that it was not good enough and would look at alternative therapies, return to reflexology and homeopathic remedies in the hope that it would start to make a difference and slowly it did. Little steps, bit by bit I began to change.

I have consciously tried to regain my confidence that had been ripped from me by the people who tore away at me. By the circumstances which have caused havoc in my life lately and by the grief caused by the loss of loved ones.

But, I am still the new me in progress. My eyes have been opened to so much in the past few months. The toxic people and relationships which I have had to sustain in the workplace just to get along, are gone along with the job. I have found that by having time to work things out in my head and realise people for what they were has given me a better understanding of their behaviour.

I miss working, in the normal sense but I now realise that I don’t have to accept their bad behaviour any more. Lately I have been concentrating on getting my health back to normal and I am still a way off. I am less trusting of people now. I no longer take them at face value, I watch for the signs, body language and follow my gut feeling. As someone who was watching my back once said, “if something looks too good to be true, it usually is” the same can be said for people.

The environments that I had been around had become toxic, there was bad feeling all around me and it was making me more and more sick. Those of you who have followed the blog for a while will notice that some of what had been happening, or had happened in the past has been mentioned sometimes at length and this has been part of the process of healing from it. Fixing my mental health along with my physical health and finally I feel as though I have turned a corner.

I took time out from the norm, actively encouraged, (well pushed and shoved kicking and screaming would be more apt) to go off and take some time out, to see friends not knowing how my health was going to be in the future it was arranged for now. I was also encouraged to do things which caused happiness and to get creative, which I have been busy doing for a while now. In conclusion it has been exactly what was needed.

So have I rebooted my system, for want of a better phrase?  I hope so. I think I am becoming a different person and it isn’t just about growing up and being an adult. Time changes us, situations change us, relationships change us, so we remain ever-changing, evolving into hopefully a new improved version of ourselves, before we get to grow old disgracefully, having the time of our lives, surrounded by loving people who will miss us when we are gone.

Advertisements

The Warmth of The Sun

It is something that should not be underestimated. the Warmth of the Sun.

Before I came away on this trip, I was feeling tired. For tired read totally exhausted. My body felt as though it was giving up on me, failing me at almost every opportunity and although I believed that there was a light at the end of a tunnel, I just couldn’t feel it. But I had to keep believing in the fact that it was actually there.

Depression had taken quite a grip of me for a while, despite my attempts to “not give it any house room” and as simple as it sounds now, it has become clear in the past few weeks that what I needed a holiday. A real, relaxing, holiday with the sun on my skin and heat which warmed my bones from the outside in. Away from all of the things that had caused all the stress. A break from it all. Despite the trip to Barcelona last year, this has been my first downtime holiday in eight years. Since we got the house, that has been our go to place away from it all. Which was my off switch from work when I needed to get away. But due to the lack of work seems to have become another on the list of unfinished things which we have been unable to resolve. I love being there, it truly feels like home when we are there but it needs a lot of money we just don’t have spending on it to get it up to scratch and I know that it is weighing heavily on our minds that the climate causes us issues which even if we got the place tip top, we would still suffer in the winter there, thus requiring a warmer climate for at least part of the year.

This holiday has been wonderful. I have spent quality time with my friends and their family, which has been great. I have seen so much and felt the excitement of new experiences running through my veins. A renewed zest for life. I felt as though I have reset my system to deal with things that the future may hold and I feel much calmer now. I have also had some awful nightmares in the past month, but I have awoken from them knowing that they were just that, bad dreams and being able to let go of the details. The angst that has followed me around for so long, the looking over my shoulder spending waking moments and sleeping ones thinking about the antics and ravings of a disturbed neighbour had worn me down so much that I no longer felt safe in my home, or the life that was happening around me. As though every last bit of control that I had over my life and destiny had been removed. It is not the way that a life should be lived, little more than existing from one day to the next. It is not the life for me.

I don’t have it all worked out yet, clearly it is one step at a time. But I do feel better equipped mentally to deal with what is coming my way in the future. I have been trying to figure out my purpose as some of you have read for a while now, I still don’t have the answer, but I feel that I am now much more open to opportunity should it come my way and I may even be able to see it, if it presents itself instead of missing it by a mile.

I have missed my family a lot in the past month. I am reliant upon them for love and support and I am looking forward to seeing them again. I am looking forward to the intimacy of holding them close to me seeing their smiles in front of me, not just as a memory held dear.

I know that I need to find something for work which physically I am able to do. My physical capability has diminished so much in the past year that I do not know what I will be able to do, but there has to be something. I had hoped that a huge amount of sleep would mean that my energy levels would go up but honestly I can’t say that has happened. I am still incredibly tired. So maybe the Dr was right maybe CFS or Chronic Fatigue IS what has been happening to my body. I found out that I am not able to sleep at all if I miss my painkillers. I tried, but all of the pain that was there previously returned with a vengeance. So it hasn’t miraculously gone. I do not take lots of them but going without is foolhardy.

It was a huge relief to be told that the results of my MRI were clear and good, so there was no neurological reason for the seizures that I had last year, or the shaking which has at times taken me over. But what I have noticed as clear as day is that the warmth of the sun and being in this climate has stopped the tremendous pain that I have felt for months in my hands and feet. Although I still have it from time to time it is a lesser scale and less frequently. It took some getting used to the heat here and I don’t know how I would cope when it gets hotter but, this introduction to a warmer climate seems to have done me the power of good. It has also made me realise that if i can feel the benefit of this in just one month, then think of the effects that a move to a warmer climate would have on us as a family in the long term. Conversation with my friends here extolling the benefits of the warmth make me realise what I already knew from previous jaunts to the sun, that not only does it suit me, but I like it. Which is bizarre since it has rained a lot here in the last month. But it is generally warmer and you can’t feel that consuming damp that gets deep into your bones.

I don’t know that my partner would cope with the Australian heat particularly well, or that he would make a trip out here and it certainly wouldn’t be fair on our dog to make a long haul, but it has reaffirmed that we should attempt to get to warmer climes and Southern France or Italy still looks incredibly inviting and much more likely as a place where we could happily settle.

Could I make a living being a writer? I know that hat I keep asking this question but it’s because I don’t know the answer. I honestly don’t know, but I am not giving up on that idea. I have to find something. I have realised that I do need to find my career niche, but I may have to settle first with a job, just something that covers the bills. It depends on the location we find I guess, I only hope that health improves to enable that to happen.

Time to Heal

I can’t pinpoint exactly when it was that I thought again about Reiki and Chakras and focusing on getting better in whatever way I could but it’s pretty recently.

After a while of being unwell you start to look at any options which might be open to you, I guess that you become more open to the options too and try to simplify your routine accordingly. But it seems to have coincided with the shift in my life that I was also welcoming and appears to have begun.

Things are on the up. I feel it and have a really positive and upbeat mentality for the first time in a while. Brushing aside my somewhat cynical thoughts of what might be and throwing caution to the wind, well not exactly as I don’t want to bring out the self destruct button. But in a controlled way I am considering new things and making more plans.

I am going to have a holiday, which always brightens me up although the thought of leaving my loved ones back here also kind of fills me with trepidation. I am not a seasoned traveller. I always wanted to travel when I was younger, you know travel safely to far flung places and see the world but never got off the ground. My inbuilt craving to be loved saw me spending my time instead with unsuitable and and often manipulative boyfriends after an early relationship ended. I also needed to support myself so didn’t escape it all as it wasn’t financially possible. It is only since I am lucky enough to have a partner who wants me to travel the world and embrace new things who sends me off on little journeys from time to time that I have been able to do so.

There is something wonderful about him that makes him say. Haven’t you always wanted to go to that place? You should, we’ll do it. Wanting me to see some of the wonderful places he has been to for myself, camera and notebook at the ready. He knows that I will be enriched by the experience. He always knows just the right time that my body, or soul is needing something and I come back with renewed vigour, excitement and strength and loving him for sending me away. I miss him like crazy when we are apart and worry about him, but yes he is able to cope without me and I get a heroes welcome from him and the dog when I return.

But lately I got to thinking about the benefit of Reiki and the fact that I have had only one session and it made such a massive difference to me. It was about 3 years ago. At the time I also learned to channel that same energy after the session. I read some things and tried to learn more about it and when I was unwell I found that if I meditated and placed my hands upon the chakra points of the body the energy helped to alleviate pain. At the time I was going through a very frustrating situation in my workplace and couldn’t speak up about the problems there as my voice wasn’t being heard by my superiors. I had terrible sore throats for a couple of months. It turned out that my throat chakra was blocked. I have had a problem with lumps in my throat ever since then which have never really gone away. I did get checked out by the hospital but they could not do anything about it. However I often felt that the pain that I had there could be alleviated by the warming energy when I meditated and placed my hand just in front of my throat for about 60 seconds. I did eventually get the opportunity to speak up, but by then a lot of damage had been done both mentally and physically by the toxic environment I had been in.

Recently I thought about that healing energy again and how I craved to become well. I also thought about the crystals that I have in the house and how they can also assist me. A few of my friends have found the benefits of crystal healing and although I haven’t thought that I have used crystals in the past. They have been in my life for longer than I thought. Those odd stones purchased from time to time or found on my travels. A pretty thing that has caught my eye or appeals to the touch, that the hand is drawn to and rests upon. I don’t know all their names. Somehow I have been drawn to the ones that have been laying around in the house and I also did one of those questionnaires recently to see if my chakras were blocked as I just wasn’t getting better. I wanted to know what I could do to improve things.

Where there’s a will there’s a way as the saying goes.

It turned out that my heart chakra was blocked. I needed to open myself up to more love. But also to look beyond myself for it. To not be limited by ego, to love unconditionally and see the beauty in all things again. It is regulated by the Thymus gland whose purpose is to regulate the immune system. I have had a problem with my immune system for the past few years and have recently been working on strengthening it. The Thymus gland also governs hormone production and bodily functions. I’ve had IBS for many years but I’ve also noticed that I often have physical pain in between my shoulders which travels through to my chest at the front. It cramps and the only way I have found is to soak in a hot bath until it releases. I’ve had six months of pain in my breasts which I recently was told at the hospital was caused by cysts. My doctors have suggested that a lot of pain is often caused by psychological ailments which I’m not happy to accept. It makes me feel as though they think I’m nuts every time they say it. Then I find out that there is yet another physical reason for the pain and they backtrack again.

I read more of the article the Heart Chakra purpose is noted

• Love for oneself and others

• Relating, relationships

• Compassion, empathy

• Forgiveness, acceptance

• Transformation, change

• Ability to grieve and reach peace

• Compassionate discernment

• Centre of awareness, integration of insights

“When the Heart chakra is blocked you may also feel emotional and withdrawn” it was then I realised that this has been an issue for longer than I thought.

So what do I do now?

To release the blockage it mentioned use of certain essential oils, such as Rose, Geranium, Jasmine, Ylang Ylang and Bergamot. Most of which I had used recently when making gifts at Christmas time. Some of which are contained in a gift from a friend given to me for my Birthday last month.

It suggests wearing rose quartz, the crystal to bring more love into your life. Hmm I thought, I have a necklace sitting around I should clean it up and wear it. It has adorned an ornament for many years in my lounge and I haven’t worn it. Tarnished by misuse it has sat around the lady who sits crossed legged in my lounge, purchased long before I ever thought about yoga and the effects of it upon the body along with some Chinese I-ching coins bought for Luck some 20 years ago. She looked after them all for me. I have taken the necklace and cleaned it occasionally but recently unravelled it, washed it and placed it outside to cleanse it on the last full moon along with the other crystals I could find in the house. I was told to use the crystals I was drawn to in some way, to hold them or wear them. So instead of replacing the delicate chain around her neck, I put it on mine and it has stayed there.

My mum who makes beautiful crystal jewellery often will change some of the beads in a bracelet for me based upon what she feels I need at the time when she makes a repair. Meanwhile

the tarnish has gone from wearing this necklace and showering with it on, it is silver. I have noticed it’s beauty although it looks slightly out of place with the gold that adorns my neck daily I have left it there. The other night my partner noticed it and said “what a beautiful necklace is it New?”

I laughed as I told him I needed to open my heart to more love recently so I thought I would wear it. He gave me one of those funny looks that I get when he knows more than he lets on and goes with the flow.

But I can’t deny that I have felt much better in the couple of weeks since wearing this Stone around my neck. More loved and loving generally. I have become more accepting of my body and the fact that although it doesn’t work in the way that used to, it still carries me around and I need to look after it. Kind of nurturing towards it. Considering it’s needs and where I can change things for the better. More loved and loving towards me.

Things are changing for the better and we are both thinking more positively. Instead of dwelling on our misfortunes I have been giving thanks again for all that is good and focusing on each and every thing that goes our way and positive outcomes. I used to spend a lot of time thinking in this way when things were better in the past, but somehow it kind of disappeared under the fog of the past few years and I couldn’t seem to shake it off. I am returning to conscious thought and how it affects us.

I think I have been able to let go of the grief that has consumed a huge part of me for a couple of years. It turns out that I have been living in grief for such a long time. Grief for me, trauma, for situations and for loved ones and I think that I have finally been able to release myself from it. I will no longer allow it to hold me back.

These small steps all add up to a long walk, but I feel that at last I am heading in the right direction now.

Daily Prompts – Simplify

Vivid Dream

Vivid dreaming with fine detail,

Will set me off upon the trail.

Who knows what the search will uncover,

Embittered colleague or star crossed lover.

Now is not the time for revenge.

My guardian angel to avenge.

When dented armour leaves me broken,

Let’s not have it out in the open.

Put it away back in the dark,

These things already left their mark.

Scars and wounds all laid bare,

Now hidden again, I do not care.

For I am not who I used to be,

The frightened, bullied, victim, Me.

It’s part of the learning,or growing pain

Get through this there’s so much to gain.

One day, or even through one night,

To build reserve, enough to fight.

The body exhausted too much to speak,

Will I haul myself up to reach the peak.

It’s all part of the bigger picture,

Thrown together the strangest mixture.

Emotions raw from this train wreck,

In earth’s huge matter a minute speck.

When Loved Ones Revisit. 

I don’t know if you believe that loved ones who have moved on to another life visit you to remind you from time to time. I am a firm believer in this. The Robin who appears every day singing its little heart out on the hill whenever we are there. Who first appeared when we scattered some of Kato’s ashes in his favourite spot. It always comes to see us in front of the house, singing loudly to announce its arrival. This year it showed us its new baby, just as we did. We showed it ours and it returned daily whilst we were there. 
Yesterday was the year anniversary of my last accident. When a wonderful surgeon spent three hours stitching my face back together after going off duty. For which I will be eternally grateful. She did a wonderful job. Quite often you can barely make out the scars, the skin has healed very well. I am still working on the emotional ones. It takes time.

Then one year ago today we lost our beloved Kato. It broke our hearts a day we will never forget when we had to say Goodbye. We have been grieving for a year. Yesterday we were talking about him. We often do because we talk about most things and it helps us both. 

As we spoke of him suddenly we were joined in the garden by the most enormous and beautiful dragonfly we have ever seen it was four inches long and just as wide, you couldn’t miss it as it flew over us.

Now dragonflies are known as reminders of loved ones who have passed away.

The dragonfly swooped around in front of us both and swirled around our heads. Roki stood up and barked, which is unusual for him and went over to where it stopped to take a look. It landed on the honeysuckle right where Kato saved the baby bird by letting me know it had fallen from its nest and was trapped in the branches and made sure that I rescued it and set it free.

The dragonfly sat there for about five minutes. It was larger than life and close up it looked black and white with silvery wings. Of course it was. It embodied everything that Kato was in that sentence.

It made me quite emotional to see it. Touched by this thing of beauty. I went inside to get my phone to see if I could get a photo of it, it took a while to see it sitting there camouflaged in the bush but look closely on the middle of the bush as I did to get this photo and you will see it. After I spoke to it, it flew skywards. I prayed that it would have a safe journey and return to me. 

I am sharing with you again today my poem Butterflies and Dragonflies written last year, a short while after he passed away.

https://indiablue.co.uk/2016/09/03/butterflies-dragonflies/

Tremble

As I tremble, from the sheer weight of my feelings underneath it all. 

My hands are shaking, the blood races around my body.

I roar, the tiger inside momentarily wounded. 

Reliving the moments, I feel the pain of my recent past. Hurting from it all, renewed anger and sadness rising from the pit of my stomach. 

It is laid bare before a new person who didn’t know. She is in tears as I leave. Why did I do that to her? I did not do it on purpose or for gain it is my cry for help. The long awaited appointment. 

The ups and downs of thinking that I may have healed myself but the reality that the painful process has just begun again. I return to the safety of my car, where I sit and look at random things for a few minutes. My head pounding and a feeling of sickness creeping through my throat. I need to calm my nerves feeling numb, a bit dazed and confused. The next step in my therapy.
via Daily Prompt: Tremble

Never Underestimate It.

9/11/16

Never Underestimate It.

What’s that? I hear you ask….

The effect a dog can have to help you to heal.

I read some time ago about how dogs have helped with PTSD and Depression, I know that having Kato around at my darkest times was probably a lifesaver, even when my partner didn’t know what would help, Kato always seemed to. When my partner was in grief for the loss of his family members and no-one seemed to understand, our boy was there, by his side to get him through each day too. When I was unable to work and ill, he was there for me watching over me, watching over us both, he always knew when we weren’t well and would be especially vigilant until we were better. I will be eternally grateful to him for all that he gave us in his life, the love and support and loyalty. I daren’t hope that we could find that again, so soon after losing him.

I read an article about prisoners caring for shelter dogs, for veterans who feel that they have no-one. The power a dog has to rehabilitate a person is astounding. A transformation can take place in such a short time and the bond that forms is incomparable.

The trauma of the summer will heal in time. We needed the distraction of our trip, we both needed to take time out and think about what we wanted in our future. It was there up on the hill that we decided although we have each other and that is enough. The icing on the cake would be to share our hearts and space with a new furry person, one who needed a new start, for whatever reason. I said that we would know when we found the right one for us, but that we did not need to rush. He kept getting me to look, almost daily. Had he decided that it was time, was he right?

We looked, we made a few phonecalls, sent messages, almost going through the motions, but I didn’t know how we felt. He could not even meet a dog without tears forming, he missed him so much. His buddy, his friend, he felt lost. We missed everything about not having Kato around and it was eating us up. We talked about whether it would be too soon and how he may have felt about us sharing our love. We concluded that he would want us to be happy. Meanwhile no-one even responded to our messages or calls. We thought maybe it wasn’t meant to be after all, maybe we hadn’t found our one yet.

It was a Saturday night, we had our favourite lovely meal and a bottle of wine, he asked me to look, there had been no internet signal all evening, at about 1am, I tried to shut the computer down but there was suddenly a signal. I again looked at the dogs which were up for adoption and rehoming. We had been speaking to a rescue lady the day before, but there were some issues with the owners and he wasn’t sure. I found three dogs which I thought might suit us and called him to look at the pictures. Two of them were Black and White, which I gravitated towards, but this was not just a decision for me. My partner told me that he would prefer someone who did not remind him of our Kato. He wouldn’t want to make comparisons and the new one would have big paws to fill. They were all between 2 and 5 years old. We wanted someone who we would have a chance of a good few years with.

Then there was Rocky.
He was so different from Kato, a blonde bear. Sable & Cream with a smile full of puppy nonsense. He looked as though he had a sweet nature. Such things are important. We barely got any sleep and as I gave him the list of the three numbers. He rang only one. He spoke to the man who was giving him up. We asked if we could visit on the way back South, we asked all about him, all the things that we could think of that we might need to know. We made an arrangement to visit a week later and the man promised that we would be the first to see him.

As the week passed we kept thinking about him. I had saved the photographs to look at them. We anticipated our visit.
Exhausted we travelled back from Scotland had very little sleep and then called to confirm our visit. When we arrived some hours later, my partner wanted to meet him first. He said he wouldn’t get a look in once he had seen me. The man let Rocky in whilst he was upstairs. He came down minutes later to find me sitting on the floor with this beautiful dog sitting next to me, having his ears stroked. Rocky came over to say Hello to him and came back to me for more fuss.

We stayed for hours, he barely left my side, we took him for a walk in the park, off the lead, after all we were with his owner. We were thrilled that he was so good and did not react to other dogs other than to go and say hello and run off again. I was holding the lead so I called him back, he returned to me every time and I praised him. He walked by my side so nicely. We had all decided by the time we left that he would be coming to live with us. As we departed Rocky tried to get into our car to come with us, there and then we knew. Resistance was futile but I had to send him back to his owner, telling him that I would be back next week to see him again. We trusted our instincts when we met him, came home discussing him all the way, I think we’d found our new son.

I was on tenterhooks all week long, hoping that nothing would go wrong. We spoke midweek and all was set, we would have a meal with his family and then we would be bringing him home. When we arrived he was in the garden on a chain, it was pouring with rain and he was soaked. I asked why but did not get an answer and asked for a towel. When the rain died down a bit we all took him for a walk. Otherwise the evening was lovely.

He said his Goodbyes, we will stay in touch and Father and Son can come and visit him when they would like to. It was an eventful drive home, 80 miles with him talking and whining all the way, he wanted to be in the front and climb onto my lap. I could not fit in the back to comfort him, there wasn’t room for me in his bed and I didn’t want to invade his space. We showed him around his new home and garden he was thrilled, I gave him a new soft blanket, he took it into the lounge, we laid it out on the floor and I sat on it with him. He just wanted to be cuddled. We gave him lots to drink and when it was time for bed, we decided that he could sleep in the lounge. Access all areas except the bedroom. We slept with the door open so we could hear him. He layed down to sleep and did not cross the threshold until he needed to go out. But kept coming to the doorway to check on us, he was amazing.

In the morning, when we woke up, he came into the room to see us and climbed up to put his paws on my shoulder, giving me kisses and a hug. The best good morning a new mummy could hope for.

There will be learning, there will be things which test us no doubt, like the tantrum when we put his Halti on, but he settles down. He is after all an Alaskan Malamute and it is in their nature to test, but so far he is proving to be a wonderful addition to the family and our home, full of character and love.

Our healing has begun and so has his. We have been in limbo for a while as we grieved. He is still in our thoughts daily, but I no longer sob nightly at the thought of him, that stopped only days ago. We still speak to him and tell him about his new brother, we are sure that he would have loved him too. I am telling him about the daily nonsense, he would have kept him in check a big brother to watch him.

The little one whom we adopted just three days ago, who is full of love and affection and has already changed his life for the better since his arrival.
He has no desire to sleep in his basket we brought back with him. He would not even climb into it so it has been put away. He was pleased to get a new harness which didn’t make him itch and wears it with a smile. The soft bed was washed three times, but he will not lay on it, not even disguised under his new blanket. He has plenty to say, where he was quiet when we visited him. He is finding his voice. He wakes us up to say Hello and give us kisses but were told he wasn’t very kissy. He kisses me after I feed him to thank me and comes to tell us that he has eaten his meal, for praise. He follows us everywhere, it is early days maybe this is normal to have a new shadow. There is no rush to eat his food, he is not so hungry, no-one will remove it, the cat won’t eat it if he leaves it. It is still there for him. He eats when he is hungry, leaves it and returns to it later, tail wagging that it is still there. He is not hunting for treats all the time, the obsession with food is gone.
We didn’t change his name, just how it was spelled.
Ecstatic that he was given his first toy by his new Dad on the first morning when he awoke he proudly presents it to us many times throughout the day and is happy to share it with us whenever we ask. He will fetch it back and wait for it to be thrown. He will wait when asked to and has wonderful manners. He wants to play, night and day and is chasing his tail for the first time today, dancing around the room as I write this with plenty to say.

We are smiling again, big smiles which are right across our faces, there is laughter and merriment in our house, three days in a row for the first time in months. The light is back on we are all happy, so very happy to be parents again. There are no second thoughts, no doubt or did we do the right thing? We realised that this was meant to be when we sat shattered from the journey, to see my brand new sleeping furry son head on my lap with a beautiful smile, for him to be squarely between the two of us, comforted by the feet of his new Mum and Dad.

The Daily Post – Second Thoughts