Tag: life

In My Baby’s Eyes

lgphone 092In My Baby’s Eyes.  

There is such wisdom, he sees so much.  He is constantly learning, surprising me with what he knows.  I would never have imagined the fun that we would have since he arrived in our lives.  Life will never be the same again, he has touched our hearts.  He is there, to love unconditionally, when I have felt that the world hated me, there to comfort me when I have been sick or sad.  He keeps me safe, when we are worried and has steered us away from danger. He is not as trusting as I am and is a pretty good judge of character. He has a wonderful singing voice and will tell you what is on his mind. He is large, but can be so gentle.

He is our furry son, my mother’s Grand-dog and a beloved part of our existence that makes us more of a family. He is achingly handsome as an animal and beautiful as a person, which he is convinced that he is. He has his likes and dislikes just as anyone does and a level of nonsense that makes us adore him all the more.  We think that he is special, he certainly is to us.

The Man About Town

I started to think of all of it,
Of how a cut is tailored to fit.
Where the threads are woven so light,
Tugged and wound around so tight.
The lining placed to cover the marks,
Hiding the body, naked and stark.
Creation of outfit your day to start,
How it meets in the middle to cover the heart.
To make one smart and represent,
A person or an image is meant.
Your case and cufflinks and a tie,
Dressed to kill, you’re living a lie.
Coat or hat to accessorize,
Weighing people up for size.
Persona or sense of style abound,
For all to see as you strut around.
when you wear your suit and cover your frown,
On your way to work, you man about town.

Living the Wild

It seems that we have the getaways again. Oh dear, Scotland is calling us loud and clear. To be fair to it, we should have been there again by now, it is waiting for us. We had plans, but due to illness we are waiting until our health has improved, since it can be pretty bleak up on the hill. So at the moment, we try to satisfy our cravings for the scenery and beauty, with any hope of a Scottish view or voice via the television. Yes, we are most definitely homesick until we arrive there for this years piece of the puzzle. It has been four months since we last visited, but seems like forever. That almost felt like “It has been four months since my last confession”, but I am not of the Catholic faith and so it has been a lot longer than that…

The other evening we watched it again, Ben Fogle’s series New Lives in the Wild UK, we had seen this particular episode last year, but I had no hesitation in watching it again to drink in the scenery. It documented the life on Fair Isle, Scotland of Tommy Hyndman, who moved there from the USA around ten years or so ago. You simply have to admire Tommy for getting stuck in there and making it work. We have learned that it is not always easy to integrate into a new community but he seems to have got the mix just right there. Having taken on a guest house, named The Auld Haa, he seems to be running it with some success and I wish him much more. It was not only a crofter’s cottage, but is also his home and he chooses to share it with travellers worldwide, thus enriching his life with experiences and also earning him a living. It appears from this program, that the welcoming home and atmosphere of his surroundings, would rest the heart of any weary traveller who set foot there. Fair Isle is a birdwatchers haven, as well as being known for it’s wonderful sweaters but for anyone looking for a get away from it all and back to nature vacation, away from the hustle and bustle, it looks like the ideal spot.

We were naturally in awe of Tommy’s Studio, he get’s to rent the lighthouse and that alone would have us flocking there, but I think there is probably already a long queue should he ever decide to vacate it.
I personally cannot think of a more inspirational workspace in which to write, but I’m pretty sure that given the chance, I would find huge inspiration there.

My partner used to skipper a weekend fishing boat and has always been a seafaring Bear and I know that he misses being out on the water. Me, well I would live on a diet of fish if he‘d let me. The size of the Lobsters that he and Ben caught on camera, had me positively drooling at the thought.

At the end of it all, I hope that Tommy finds love with a strong woman who can cope with the demands of Island Life and who will throw herself into it headlong with him and make him truly happy. It seems as though it is the only thing he lacks in his life.

Following the program, my partner asked me to look up property for sale on the Island, he had missed the bit where it was owned by the National Trust of Scotland but, there must be other beautiful Scottish islands right? I should explain myself. I love looking at property, I have always wanted to find and own a property portfolio all over the place, but have not yet been able to raise the finance for this particular dream. I also think that I would be hesitant to let any of it go, so would be constantly moving from one place to another. But I regularly look to see what is out there. A quick search brings up a place called Sanday, It was beautiful and for offers around £120,000 I found a 2 bed farm with 30 acres leading down to the sea for sale. Imagination fired once again, what sort of life could we live in a place like that! However the reality of a Scottish Island for two people with arthritis, would be far different of course, I think the climate would make us miserable especially in the winter months, but the beauty of such a place never fails to tug at the heart and fire the imagination. There’s always a holiday though…
Living the Wild,

Watching a great series on television,
On how some people have made it their mission
On how to let their dreams run wild,
They celebrate their inner child.
Look at Tommy, he’s been blessed
Found a place where sea birds nest.
In the lighthouse, held aloft
Views to sea, or over his croft.
Wild winds, emotional Scottish weather,
Howl and tease amongst the heather.
But when the day is clear and calm,
Can’t fail to notice, it has it’s charm.
A place that’s known as Fair Isle
Where special sweaters are made with style.
Family businesses weaving the yarn,
Made to measure in house and barn
Tommy has lived there making his way,
Day in and day out come what may.
Could walk for miles without a trace,
But never alone in this wonderful place.
A workshop where he will create,
Livestock will roam, so close the gate.
Community living, you’d earn your keep,
When you’re out on the moor tending the sheep.
The guesthouse he runs is called the Auld Haa,
Impossible to travel there just by car.
Stopping to spot an unusual bird,
Trek the fields, with the herd.
Walking and painting that’s the trick,
Plenty to see for the romantic.
Nooks and crannies in which to play,
While children while away their day.
The Craggy cliff face can be sheer,
But hold on tight nothing to fear.
Shoes off, to get your toes in the sand.
Off by plane back to the mainland.
Out to sea by boat to get fish,
More time spent here is your wish.
As Tommy cooks a fabulous dinner.
This has to be your holiday winner.
Open your arms in your dreams you’re hurled
With it all to see, you’re on top of the world.

I knew, I wish I knew…

I knew, I wish I knew…

I knew,
That he’s the one for me.
That it would be Home.
That I would win the auction for the car.
That I was driving past the road where it is, knowing it was nearby.
That we needed more antibiotics.
That she needed a surprise visit and a hug.
That I was not strong enough before.
That it wasn’t to be.
That my friend was hurting.
That my lover was ill.
That I am stronger that I thought.
That I am a good person.
I wish,

I knew I could ease the burden.
I knew where I’d put the things I had lost.
I knew what would work for a career.
I knew that Good Luck is on its’ way
I knew what my purpose in life is.
I knew that I could be who and what I want to be.

The Gift

IMG_1134She bought me this gift, a witches ball.
Just when she got it, I don’t quite recall.
It remained so long in the box,
Found it again when looking for socks,
Put it to the back of the cupboard for sure,
Hadn’t a clue of the things in store.
It is said that you fill the vessel with scent,
It sends spirits away, they came and went.
Hanging up there in the light,
They can’t get in, try as they might.
They bounce off the window, tumble and fall
It offers me protection from them all.
It brought a pivotal change in my life,
When I found out it was made in Fife.
Not far from where we go off to hide,
Off up there in the countryside.
The place where our thoughts we gather,
Oh to be there, whatever the weather.
A place which has me bewitched,
The life I have here would be switched.
Off where future thoughts are rife,
Where we have a different life.
To when where I can make and toil,
A home, with soft garden soil.
Where things will grow, be abundant,
Herbs and foods, self sufficient.

Well my friend, she knows me well
As she weaved her magic spell.
Around the space it would drape,
As the dreams began to shape.
The places about they’d start to drift,
As they began a momentous shift.
To create someone refreshed anew,
Stopping to sip in this unusual brew.
Perhaps a life was better spent,
Doing the thing of which you’ve dreamt
Herbs and spices in the mix,
You think she’s up to her old tricks.
On a journey and make haste,
In to the country you have chased.
Now and then her power to surge.
A moment to Thank her for the urge.
A well thought gift that she would send,
Protecting me, her very dear friend.

Deliriously Deluded Ramblings Vol 2

Jolted awake from her sleep, by the bitter taste rising in her throat. She had no idea of it’s sudden cause. The taste acrid, it burned inside her throat. She was certain that she saw something in the darkness, laying on the edge of the mattress. It looked like a furry caterpillar, or some strange sort of plant life and she watched as it moved away and disappeared. Had she dreamt it, she searched on the floor, but it had gone. Her breath was awful, had she swallowed something in the night, an insect perhaps? It felt as though something had died in her mouth and she felt the soreness within her throat. Had the infection from her ears travelled there? The thunderclap in her ears just a week before had left her dizzy and disorientated as though her head was under water, she was not able to hear properly.

Looking at the clock she was wide awake. Three hours had passed since she had hit the sheets, exhausted and craving sleep. Was it a reaction to the stress? Acidic plasma filled her mouth, she hauled herself to the bathroom resisting the urge to be sick. Minutes later her tongue sore from scrubbing with the toothbrush as she tried in vain to rid her mouth of the bitterness she inspected her mouth for signs, the now familiar white lumps had appeared again at the back of the throat. she hoped that she would not suffer with another outbreak of ulcers to join them, but feared that it may already be too late. In recent years, they had become her body’s first deep distress signal. Her mouth swollen and sore, her lips feeling as they were on fire…
The past month has been rather dark at times. Don’t get me wrong, it is not all doom and gloom, I have had moments of Happiness thrown into the mix and clarity at times, but I have been suffering with a physical illness which really took a hold of me, causing infections, delirium and fever to ravage the body and manifest in so many ways. It has rather taken me out the way of my path to Happiness, which I had decided to journey onto and up until then I had felt that I was doing quite well.

It always catches me out on how illness can affect the brain as well as the body. I should be prepared for it by now, after years of illness with Endometriosis caused havoc upon my brain and eroded the person that I was going to be, there was so much that needed to heal. It is logical that when the mind or body is under stress, then it has to come out somewhere. But I often feel that they are seemingly unconnected it can cause your worst feelings to come up to the surface, fear, loathing, depression etc and memories you had buried from the past all racing to the fore.

Once the illness is gone, you start to rebuild what you know and try and return to your normal self. Sometimes it is easy, other times difficult, at the moment, the feeling of what I have been going through for almost a month now is still fresh and raw in my mind and I am not yet over it. I guess I am trying to rush the process, having felt that I should be much better by now, my creative juices have dried several times during this, although there have been spurts of writing, it has not exactly been the flow which I had experienced prior.

It changes you though, you feel things are never quite the same again, when you have experienced the ravages of the fever demons tormenting your mind and body and starving you of sleep when you are wracked with pain. Whatever the hell this was, I certainly don’t want it back. I will be glad when it is over and wave it goodbye. It’s a proven fact that people are getting more sick, it can‘t always be avoided I know, but it knocks you for six when it hits. I also make a mental note to stay well away from anyone who is unwell and boost my natural vitamin intake wherever possible.

Up on the Roof, Thinking Space

I recently read a wonderful page which mentioned being up on the roof. and in a flash of inspiration I returned for a moment to my favourite place in our second childhood home.

When I was ten years old we moved away from school and the friends that I had come to know and travelled to a new place. I was full of hope, finally getting away from the children that had terrorised me up until then. This would be the chance for a whole new existence. As the youngest child at the time, I was happy to have the smaller bedroom, it overlooked most of the garden, had a nice window and I used to climb out of the window and sit on the bathroom roof. It had a small brick ridge to the pitch where it joined the house next door and it was just big enough to perch along it. I loved sitting out there, when things had all got too much, after arguments with my brother or friends at school, or my parents. It was my thinking space and I loved to take time out to be there. I always was told off if my parents found out that I had been up there, but I took the risk on so many occasions. It was slightly less dangerous once they had the new roof fitted after which I could see no real reason why I shouldn’t go there. Falling was never considered since I was always careful.

A couple of years later, my sister arrived and I very reluctantly had to move into the larger bedroom, having previously had the small box room for the first ten years of my life I always preferred the smaller room. Years later, when my brother was away, I asked to borrow his room and regularly ventured out up on the roof, much to the surprise of the new neighbours when they moved next door. From up there you could see both up and down the road in the gardens, I could also wave at my friend down the road, from his roof windows, when he was home.

I liked the height and the inaccessibility of a roof, most people I knew would not venture out there and as I grew older I later chose homes which were high up wherever possible. I felt somehow safer there. The balcony flats where I lived for 13 years, were fantastic for the views and I feel truly at home living up high, it also kept unwanted visitors out and I could enjoy the view, looking out over the rooftops and letting the imagination run wild once again.

The Brain Dump, Where does it come from?

It’s been happening again, what can only be referred to as a Brain Dump. Every once in a while, my head feels like what happens to a computer, right when there is a blue screen and it begins a crash dump.
Hopefully at this point your disk drive doesn’t fry aswell. On occasions it has, that is NOT a metaphor. It has actually happened. Note to self, I may need some new technology.

Meanwhile, for those who are blissfully unaware, the brain dump wakes you up, but not quite. So you feel that you are sleeping, but you are actually aware of your surroundings.

It starts to dispose of random things in your head, clearing out what may, or may not be rubbish and you are not in control of what it may select. At times, I have found it rather disturbing, since you never know when it is coming your way, how long it may last and sometimes, there will be a real gem in there, which afterwards will be gone forever. You see, you are not awake enough to write it down, or record your thought in any way, it remains totally illogical, a collection of random thoughts which go through your head and upon fully waking you cannot recall most of it.

I noticed previously, that it used to happen most on a Saturday morning, when I did not have to rise early for work, and arrived usually in the early hours after a particularly stressful week. At times, it has given me the freedom from upset, a release from a distressing situation, which up to that point my have been ruling me. Other times, it can be memories from the past, which have returned to haunt or delight. I usually feel refreshed after this happens, but I cannot help but wonder how many people get it. In conversation with a lady who is a counsellor a while ago, she told me it might be my way getting rid of things which I cannot cope with. I rather think that it is a coping mechanism, but it has only manifested in the last couple of years.

Since last week was a prolific time for my writing things, I am hopeful that what spurred me on to write, was not short-lived and so must not allow my fears to conquer me. Tomorrow is another week and with it, brings new thoughts, experiences and excitement.

So, where does it come from? Answers, on a postcard, email, or comment. I’d love to be enlightened.

The Morning Shift

I step outside, from the safety of my nest.
No longer cocooned.
As though seeing it all for the first time.
As I taste the mountain air,
The coolness of it, a sharp intake of breath
Attacking my senses and jolting me to life.
I feel the snow, crunching underfoot.
Pine Trees, sparkling and scented.
The bright sun breaking through the clouds and the blue in the sky
The scent of wood smoke and coffee brewing.
Birds are calling overhead, as their prey scurries to safety.
I take pleasure in the sights, sounds, taste, scent as it touches my heart,
Reminding me that life is beautiful and shifting my perspective.
The serenity of this place in the morning, calming my soul.
I am at ease.

His Dreams

IMG_1131He’s been dreaming again of Italy or France,
Isn’t quite sure which, but if he had the chance.
He’d be over there just like a shot,
Of his life here? He cares not a jot.
Since they said he’s not sick again, there’s a Hooray
Will we grab the bull with both horns and steer it away?
To a place out there in the back of beyond,
With stables and woodland, or even a pond?
A place which will ramble from room to room,
Would go there tomorrow if it’s not too soon.
Time is of the essence, you see as they say.
He’s taking his moment, to seize the day.
Would she go there with him, why, Yes of course.
There might even be room for livestock or horse.
So many choices there’d be bedrooms galore.
Spread out across at least one or two floors.
Is it a small house, or a huge Chateau?
The picture keeps changing so she doesn’t know.
But every place that he thinks of to run,
They are playing and laughing and having such fun.
There’d be a huge kitchen, where she could bake,
For an occasion or birthday, a beautiful cake.
He dreams of a bed, with comfy white sheets.
On which they can cuddle and eventually sleep.
A room with a sofa where they’re lounging about.
An amazing view when you look right out.
Across country or town or even the sea,
This is the place that he feels he’ll be free.
Each morning a walk together we’d take,
Through our own woodland and down to the lake.
Be sure not to step on a toad or a frog,
Whilst we are out walking the dog.
There’d be work to be done, of this he is sure,
As she shows him around, through the large front door.
But she is not worried and will relish the chance,
To create a room, where they’d sing and they’d dance.
This is one of his dreams, he has far too few,
But this is just one that I’d like to come true.