I knew, I wish I knew…

I knew, I wish I knew…

I knew,
That he’s the one for me.
That it would be Home.
That I would win the auction for the car.
That I was driving past the road where it is, knowing it was nearby.
That we needed more antibiotics.
That she needed a surprise visit and a hug.
That I was not strong enough before.
That it wasn’t to be.
That my friend was hurting.
That my lover was ill.
That I am stronger that I thought.
That I am a good person.
I wish,

I knew I could ease the burden.
I knew where I’d put the things I had lost.
I knew what would work for a career.
I knew that Good Luck is on its’ way
I knew what my purpose in life is.
I knew that I could be who and what I want to be.

My Big Black Dog

My Big Black Dog.

Some Days you’re up and at Night you are down
It’s 3am and you’re awake with a frown.
Did I see that sight, What was that sound?
When a big black dog follows you around.
In waking moments, you think you’ll find,
But a sinking feeling in the back of your mind.

Just as you smile, it seems without a care,
You’ll suddenly find him waiting there.
Lurking, peering from the darkness,
Hoping to steal your chance of happiness.
Sometimes you can keep him at bay,
But he follows you around, every day!
When you are able to shut him out,
Your subconscious begins to scream and shout.
Hope that just once, for you he’d let
That reminder of something, you’ve tried to forget.
The big black dog is on your shoulder,
Like the wolf you feed as you get older.
If you’re stubborn with a will to survive,
Fight the black dog to keep you alive.

At bright times when you see the sun,
A pat on the back for how far you’ve come.
Remind myself of the beauty in me,
Open your eyes, one day you’ll see.
That a big black dog, quite often you’ll find,
Is much more scary in your mind.
There to keep you, the straight and narrow,
Can really be an annoying fellow.
Your deepest, darkest fears come to light,
As over the years, you continue your fight.
Sometimes you feel so terribly sad.
Loved ones and Friends may think you’ve gone mad.
Yesterday you seemed so jolly,
Today you are just melancholy.
In your own space at home you’ll stay,
You’ll go out on another day.
They say water’s not thicker than blood.
Unexpected kindness, your eyes will flood.

Release your emotions and pent up anger,
the experience will make you stronger
Open up and then you’ll know,
If you can ever let it go.
Someone to talk to, to hold your hand
As you try to understand
How he ever managed to get into your life
Causing all the stress and strife.
Wonder if it will ever cease,
If one day you’ll regain peace.
It’s painful looking though an abyss,
Hopeful life will return to bliss.
But over time, more thoughts he’ll steal
As you begin to recover and heal.
One day your brain will clear the fog,
As you wave Goodbye to that Big Black Dog.