Thinking Space

 

1-2Thinking Space.
Sometimes I need some thinking space,
Peace and quiet in this place.
To understand what we’ve been through.
Behaviour changes me and you.
A place from where we do not shout,
Where I can let it all come out.
We do not even have to speak,
When I am feeling oh so weak.
But quiet places where we talk,
No hustle and bustle for a walk.
It seems that as we rearrange,
Going forward time for change.
Emotions put away inside,
Dark and sad, we try to hide.
But there’s a place we go to rest,
When we do not feel our best
It’s where we think of when we’re still,
Peace and quiet upon the hill.

via Daily Prompt: Aware

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Levels of Weirdness and Unity.


It’s funny the things that bring us together. The familiar weirdness that two or more people share, which becomes a small group, then sometimes a bigger one.
What springs to mind is the myriad of things that bring us together in the first place. A hobby or a pastime. An illness or A favourite something or another, all over the world there are people joining together like never before. There are Groups for this or that bringing people together in some small way. Share your likes and you will find other like minded people who share them too, who can illuminate where something was missing, forcing you to look at something their way sometimes just for a moment, or maybe change your perspective forever. Yet, because you share that common interest you are susceptible to their outlook. I guess it is what helps us grow as people. Sometimes we get misguided or manipulated or just plain confused along the way. Sometimes it can bring us new friends or experiences which we had not thought to try before.

But in among it all for at least a while, there is unity a common bond and a weirdness which connects us and I celebrate that.

 

3 Quotes in 3 Days – Day 3

Ok so I may not entirely have got my head around the rules of this challenge. I am sure that http://www.trulyunplugged.com will find it in her heart to forgive me. 

Yesterday I posted two days at the same time. But in my mind since I wrote the first on Friday and forgot to post it then, it must count as a separate day!  It’s been a very fluffy week, by that I mean the head being full of fluff. My Health has not been great and lots going on followed by Excitement building for today when something wonderful is going to happen. (More about that in a post later!) I’ve been more than a little preoccupied whilst trying to settle back in down South.


I’m afraid I don’t know the author of this fabulous quote for today.  It came from “Heart  Centered Rebalancing” on Facebook and I felt the need to share. I have mentioned in the past that my own instincts have been ignored by me too many times to my detriment. It is a slow process to trust your own instincts. This is especially difficult when hounded by self doubt, but I am learning finally. I have been following them and they have been leading me onward, guiding me where I used to get so lost. If they can continue to shout louder than my stubbornness in my subconscious then I will stay on the right track. 

Wish me luck with that! 

So, that’s it for this challenge. Being a bit of a rebel at heart. Rather than nominate specific bloggers. I am putting this one out there for anyone reading this to join in. I’ve enjoyed the challenge you might too. I may even go at it again later… 

Emotional Blackmail, via email or a Lesson to be Learned.

It’s strange how one quick scan through looking at your email can give you the familiar guilty feelings and bring all your worries to the fore.  These are mailing lists which you sign up for, when you are feeling that you need a bit of help, some guidance in your life, or are curious as to whether you are doing any of it right.  Never underestimate the effect that this can have on someone who is depressed.  I have found that reading emails and seeking out self-help guides is a way to reassure yourself, that others are going through it to, there must be help out there, someone may have the answer as to how to fix that and sometimes they will even share it.  (Darn that practical thinking once again!) A quick scroll through however, will sadly reaffirm all your worst fears, that you aren’t doing enough, or doing it right, your body is not slim enough, your mind is not tuned in to what it should be, your business is not working the way it should be, you can re-set your thinking and your whole world will just drop into place again. There are “coaches” who will be behind you every step of the way.

IF ONLY!    Of course if you would just send them some more of your hard earned, or non existent cash.  They would be able to help you achieve more, worry less, be slim, be strong, help others or the very next best thing would be on it’s way to you by some secret or celestial force.

It is very difficult when you are going through a dark place, not to pick up things along the way, which sit in the back of your mind and eat away at your sub-conscious.   Some months ago, I was desperate for help to ease my worried mind.  I wanted so badly for things in my life to change for the better, that for a moment I believed the hype….  That some complete stranger could show me the way out of this mess I was in.  That’s the trouble when your mental health takes a swan dive. Don’t get me wrong, there are some Life Coaches who hit the nail on the head and whom you actually feel can help and there are people who do.  It isn’t all doom and gloom.

At the time though, I received an email, telling me that I had a Guardian Angel, who was watching over me and who could guide me, they might even be able to tell me where I had been going wrong all this time, or how to avoid any future pitfalls.  For a small fee, they would offer help,  a reading or perform some mystical thing which would set me back on track on the original path from which I had clearly deviated.

At the time, I had funds.  So,  what had I got to lose?  I thought, I paid a small fee, for him to work his magic, (Yes I do believe in Magic but that is a subject for another day) he sent me something to download and follow which would bring me celestial assistance. (Or Not)  Someone I could call upon in times of difficulty who would be there.  (Isn’t that what my partner is for?)  Little did I know that I would be bombarded for months with emails which would send me on a huge guilt trip.   It promised that I would come into some money, which when you are broke is always a bit of a carrot to entice you. Furthermore that on a certain date, games of luck would go my way.  It is very easy to hope that someone is right when you are feeling low, it would have been so easy to spend a fortune on Lottery Tickets and this person’s “Help” and where would it have got me? On a couple of occasions I gambled.  Those “special dates in my charts, the stars etc ” came and went and needless to say, there was no change in my finances.  My natural cynicism must have overtaken the good stuff and Lo another date was mentioned.

As a pretty sensitive person, on the other occasions where I did not even have enough money to buy food or pay the bills, I received the emails which told me off for not having parted with yet more funds told me that time was running out, it would all go wrong for me if I did not take this offer up. I felt the guilt, thought about if I could scrape together just a bit more money, it might make the difference…  Of course I didn’t and it didn’t, then having been berated, a few days later despite me not taking the offer up, I would receive another one, with a different name of something that I would surely need in my life and a new date.

Instead having been on the hook for a very short time, so I thought, When things just got steadily worse and worse, I faced facts.  I had given it a go, but accepted that it wasn’t to be. Perhaps this person’s insight had been off-kilter and wasn’t meant for me at all.   At this point it would also have been very easy to think, hang it all that they were right, “there is some dark, evil force hanging over me, which I need to rid myself of”.  Yes, this was actually the content of one of the emails I received.  But instead, a part of the old me re-appeared the stubborn me and I thought, I’ll show them, I will do it.  I will not be beaten.

Last week, I woke up one morning to be met with another such email.  I suddenly decided to cull the email inbox, it was time. I removed myself from this regular onslaught upon my sense of wellbeing and the threat of a cloud lifted almost immediately.  I really should keep going and get rid of some of the other emails too but hey, one step at a time….

Things started to feel better, day to day and the future.  If the days were meant to go well, then they would. I handed my future back to fate pleased that it would be in her hands for a while, that I cannot push in a direction that I may not be able to go.  I can only do what I do, if I do it well, then life will reward me. If I do not, then Karma will give me that kick up the backside, which I will probably deserve.

And that brings me to my #LessonsLearned:

Fate has always served me rather well that along with my intuition, whom I should follow much more carefully in the future. I believe in Magic, it presents itself in so many ways.  I have my very own Guardian Angel looking out for me all along, he is living, breathing and beside me every day.

The Daily Post – Underestimate

 

 

 

 

 

I knew, I wish I knew…

I knew, I wish I knew…

I knew,
That he’s the one for me.
That it would be Home.
That I would win the auction for the car.
That I was driving past the road where it is, knowing it was nearby.
That we needed more antibiotics.
That she needed a surprise visit and a hug.
That I was not strong enough before.
That it wasn’t to be.
That my friend was hurting.
That my lover was ill.
That I am stronger that I thought.
That I am a good person.
I wish,

I knew I could ease the burden.
I knew where I’d put the things I had lost.
I knew what would work for a career.
I knew that Good Luck is on its’ way
I knew what my purpose in life is.
I knew that I could be who and what I want to be.