Unwelcome Visitors. A frightening experience and a clear message.

Although this was written some months ago, 19/6/16 I felt that it was time to post it, since it was Halloween last night and the battle continues. The Daily Post – Eerie
Who are you?
What makes you think that I am an available vessel which you can enter?
You cannot occupy me. I am not for rent. Go away, Be Gone!

You cannot creep up on me, whilst I sleep, getting past my furry protector and wrap your arms around me, from behind holding me so tightly that I cannot escape. Burning under my skin, undetected stifling my scream so that it cannot escape. My mind screaming out louder and louder as I am brought to my senses by it but where there is no voice, willing it to stop.
You have no right to do this! To haunt my night and my thoughts. Who are you?
How dare you attempt to violate my sleep, leaving me fearful of the dark. You are not welcome here, be gone, vanish to where you came from. Return there, never to visit again, for you are not welcome here.
Get off my back, I will not bend to your will. I will remove myself from this burden, it has no hold over me.
I am not consumed by whatever this is. It does not belong here and whatever this is, is unwelcome.
I am safe, safe from this influence, I am calm. I am protected.
Whatever you are, my fire breathing dragon will set you free.
My body will not hold you, you have no place here within me.
My loved ones have my back, it is not yours to take. There is no room for a monkey on it.
I will not be swallowed up by anger, or hate, or confusion, or sickness.
My mind and body is safe. Not a haven for you, but for me where my good thoughts reign and are given space to grow. The results are beautiful and appreciated, not gnarled twisted and bitter.
There is no room for hate. I do not allow it space in my heart or mind.
Be gone Hate, there is no place for you here.

Whoever you are and whatever you are trying to achieve here, you have failed! Give up, Do not try any more, your attempts will be futile, you will fail every time because I am stronger now, than ever before. You cannot master me.
I choose my master, with care and love he does not control me, he loves, cherishes and supports me. Offering me strength and armour from influences like you.
So be gone, Back from whence you came.
Your cold hands, peeled from me, you cannot enter and take a hold. No fingers entwine around my chest, no embrace around my shoulders, for there is no room for you here. We are not available for rent or occupation. I am in control of my destiny, you have no say or influence.
Demons diminished, spirits be gone. Stop knocking at my window. Your time has passed, there is no room. I am not under attack, you will not win here, I will battle against you. So be gone, you are not welcome.

 

Emotional Blackmail, via email or a Lesson to be Learned.

It’s strange how one quick scan through looking at your email can give you the familiar guilty feelings and bring all your worries to the fore.  These are mailing lists which you sign up for, when you are feeling that you need a bit of help, some guidance in your life, or are curious as to whether you are doing any of it right.  Never underestimate the effect that this can have on someone who is depressed.  I have found that reading emails and seeking out self-help guides is a way to reassure yourself, that others are going through it to, there must be help out there, someone may have the answer as to how to fix that and sometimes they will even share it.  (Darn that practical thinking once again!) A quick scroll through however, will sadly reaffirm all your worst fears, that you aren’t doing enough, or doing it right, your body is not slim enough, your mind is not tuned in to what it should be, your business is not working the way it should be, you can re-set your thinking and your whole world will just drop into place again. There are “coaches” who will be behind you every step of the way.

IF ONLY!    Of course if you would just send them some more of your hard earned, or non existent cash.  They would be able to help you achieve more, worry less, be slim, be strong, help others or the very next best thing would be on it’s way to you by some secret or celestial force.

It is very difficult when you are going through a dark place, not to pick up things along the way, which sit in the back of your mind and eat away at your sub-conscious.   Some months ago, I was desperate for help to ease my worried mind.  I wanted so badly for things in my life to change for the better, that for a moment I believed the hype….  That some complete stranger could show me the way out of this mess I was in.  That’s the trouble when your mental health takes a swan dive. Don’t get me wrong, there are some Life Coaches who hit the nail on the head and whom you actually feel can help and there are people who do.  It isn’t all doom and gloom.

At the time though, I received an email, telling me that I had a Guardian Angel, who was watching over me and who could guide me, they might even be able to tell me where I had been going wrong all this time, or how to avoid any future pitfalls.  For a small fee, they would offer help,  a reading or perform some mystical thing which would set me back on track on the original path from which I had clearly deviated.

At the time, I had funds.  So,  what had I got to lose?  I thought, I paid a small fee, for him to work his magic, (Yes I do believe in Magic but that is a subject for another day) he sent me something to download and follow which would bring me celestial assistance. (Or Not)  Someone I could call upon in times of difficulty who would be there.  (Isn’t that what my partner is for?)  Little did I know that I would be bombarded for months with emails which would send me on a huge guilt trip.   It promised that I would come into some money, which when you are broke is always a bit of a carrot to entice you. Furthermore that on a certain date, games of luck would go my way.  It is very easy to hope that someone is right when you are feeling low, it would have been so easy to spend a fortune on Lottery Tickets and this person’s “Help” and where would it have got me? On a couple of occasions I gambled.  Those “special dates in my charts, the stars etc ” came and went and needless to say, there was no change in my finances.  My natural cynicism must have overtaken the good stuff and Lo another date was mentioned.

As a pretty sensitive person, on the other occasions where I did not even have enough money to buy food or pay the bills, I received the emails which told me off for not having parted with yet more funds told me that time was running out, it would all go wrong for me if I did not take this offer up. I felt the guilt, thought about if I could scrape together just a bit more money, it might make the difference…  Of course I didn’t and it didn’t, then having been berated, a few days later despite me not taking the offer up, I would receive another one, with a different name of something that I would surely need in my life and a new date.

Instead having been on the hook for a very short time, so I thought, When things just got steadily worse and worse, I faced facts.  I had given it a go, but accepted that it wasn’t to be. Perhaps this person’s insight had been off-kilter and wasn’t meant for me at all.   At this point it would also have been very easy to think, hang it all that they were right, “there is some dark, evil force hanging over me, which I need to rid myself of”.  Yes, this was actually the content of one of the emails I received.  But instead, a part of the old me re-appeared the stubborn me and I thought, I’ll show them, I will do it.  I will not be beaten.

Last week, I woke up one morning to be met with another such email.  I suddenly decided to cull the email inbox, it was time. I removed myself from this regular onslaught upon my sense of wellbeing and the threat of a cloud lifted almost immediately.  I really should keep going and get rid of some of the other emails too but hey, one step at a time….

Things started to feel better, day to day and the future.  If the days were meant to go well, then they would. I handed my future back to fate pleased that it would be in her hands for a while, that I cannot push in a direction that I may not be able to go.  I can only do what I do, if I do it well, then life will reward me. If I do not, then Karma will give me that kick up the backside, which I will probably deserve.

And that brings me to my #LessonsLearned:

Fate has always served me rather well that along with my intuition, whom I should follow much more carefully in the future. I believe in Magic, it presents itself in so many ways.  I have my very own Guardian Angel looking out for me all along, he is living, breathing and beside me every day.

The Daily Post – Underestimate