Colouring for Relaxation.

Colouring is wonderfully relaxing. It was suggested as a calming thing to me last year, when I was extremely stressed and when I was bemoaning the fact that my creativity had been zapped and I so desperately wanted it back. The lady with whom I was speaking, told me that by colouring, she was able to be creative without having to draw.  So, I bought an adult colouring book.  I bought one for her too, as she must be running out of space in hers. Since my own drawings take a similar form and are usually in black and white, I craved the different shapes. I coloured in the first page, it was a release from the stress, I put the book away. It is there when I need it.

It’s strange that I have gone for the muted tones of pencil, when I craved something so bright. But here’s some I’ve done.

Thanks to @firespiritblog for the reminder.

Firespirit’s image.

Attempt to color my time…. PS: I am not good in editing pics :p I recently read articles and face book posts suggesting that doing coloring can do stress relief and relax our mind. May be the fondness for colors made me pick colors.I got color pencils, oil paints, sketch pens, gel pens etc during […]

via stress buster attempts… — firespiritblog

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Fragile, Handle with Care

It felt like possibly her darkest hour, when, not understanding what is happening to her, Carlotta sank into a deeper depression. She didn’t think that it would be possible to feel more depressed than she had felt before, but it was as though her previous experience had barely scratched the surface of the depth of these feelings. To be even lower than the low that she had previously experienced.

So many things can trigger it, past feelings coming back to the fore, emotions are raw and at that time she didn’t know what had hit her. She then suddenly and inexplicably felt quite so totally alone, like never before. Like no-one could break through it, unreachable in a glass box for all to see, but unable to break out of it. To be abandoned by both friends and family for a while. She may have put herself there, shutting herself away trying to deal with the thoughts in her head and the feelings she may be coming to terms with, or it may be that they had no idea what to do with her, how to cope with the new version of her which they may be seeing for the first time ever. The person whom they know and love, hidden so deeply within that they can no longer see them. Had she become a shadow of her former self? Perhaps she was a wilder, more erratic person, signs of all the things that she hated about herself, bright and raw, there for her and everyone to see. All her emotional scars visible to the naked eye. She was once so vibrant, un-phased by it all, seemed to take it all in her stride, where has that confidence gone? Well, that walked out along with the people who couldn’t take it. Perhaps they all left town together on their road trip, perhaps they will send her a postcard. Maybe not.

She hoped that in time that both she and they will see a new person appear. It may look like the original on the outside, but if she is lucky she will have gained strength from the experience, it will not have weakened her beyond repair. There will be shades of the original there for the friends and family who have not given up on her. They will tread tentatively around her for a while, while they figure out where the new boundaries are. Other people she may know may take this opportunity to test how far she can be pushed, what she will stand for. As long as she doesn’t break again in the whole process she has a chance of recovering her momentum once again. Will she regain a sense of purpose, power over it again and move on?

The new version will be more determined, much stronger, less trampled by others, the new version of her will be a force to be reckoned with.

Time is a great healer, Time will also tell.

The Daily Post – Abandoned – Fragile, Handle with Care

#linkyourlife

Hope is what it represents.

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It’s funny but figuring out what things represent, they say that it is not good to be a materialistic person. I certainly do not consider myself materialistic but I do enjoy having some of those little luxuries in my life and I have always been slightly crazy about cars..

For instance, at the moment I don’t have a regular job. In the past 12 months I have suffered with depression, grief, a lot of anger, upset, discovery about myself and the way that the past has affected me. About 10 months into that year, we decided to get rid of my Porsche. We have owned many cars over the years, a few rather nice ones. That was a lovely 40th Birthday present for me from my partner, he told me that the time was right to have one. Many years ago, when I was 27 he had offered me one, I climbed into the seat to drive it and knew instinctively where all the controls were. I had never even sat in one previously but drove this very powerful car, without fear as though it was perfectly natural. It was a brilliant car without a doubt, but common sense kicked in and I declined due to the costs of running a prestige car back then, having been bitten by the costs in the car that I had and was changing. Years later, he decided I should have one anyway, there being no time like the present and life being too short, living each day etc and I said Yes. However, 18 months on I was sure that if that went wrong it was going to financially cripple me and I had no reserves of money. So I saw sense again and we got rid of it.

During the time that we owned it, my partner has spent the whole time quietly searching for a replacement Cerulean Blue Saab, a diesel convertible, just like the one that I had, just like the one I adored and just like the one that we regretted getting rid of. He knew that I would swap the Porsche for another one of those in a heartbeat. In October, we found one and had to wait a month to go and collect it. It’s a diesel, an automatic and a convertible and is the most beautiful blue in a car that I have seen. I love it!

Currently it’s stored in the garage, there has been a lot of car vandalism around where we are living and when we returned from a holiday we found that the cars outside had been damaged. We couldn’t leave the car outside of the house and risk that, so it has stayed in the garage. It is taxed, insured and has a tank full of diesel but it is actually sitting in the garage, where it has been for 3 months and hasn’t turned a wheel.
Several of my friends and my family included have asked, “Why don’t you get rid of it, you have no money” “You can’t afford your bills easily, it will take the heat off the situation if you didn’t have it.” In the next breath, they are also the first to admit that they don’t see any of the value in having a nice car. So I’m here to tell you what the value of having a nice car actually means to me and tell you my why…

That car, is the one the same colour, type and style that I saw when I pushed my nose up against the glass many years ago and said to my partner, “If we win the lottery, can I have one of those please!” “I would like one of those.” You see, it was another dream car, one for a newer dream. Something else to work towards and hope that I would get. I never thought that it would happen and I have always pictured goals, for me it puts them in reach. I also believe that some dreams should come true.

Sometime about 2 years later I was due to have a Hysterectomy due to an ongoing battle with Endometriosis. At that time I really struggled to drive, pushing down on the clutch to change gear caused constant pain and I knew that I needed to change vehicles at least for a while. This was going to be a rather large operation, which would change my life drastically, understatement of the year! Just before that happened, my partner presented me with this beautiful car, my new dream car and a fantastic vehicle. It was everything I wanted it to be, absolutely touched all the bases and I was so thrilled to have it, it was there for when I could get behind the wheel again, his timing was excellent.

The hysterectomy came and went, recovery took several months before I was able to drive again, but I was able to drive that more comfortably since it had an automatic gearbox. It was big, safe, and beautiful and every time I sat in it, I had an ear to ear grin, it drove whisper quietly and once you hit the open road, with the roof down and the wind in your hair, you hadn’t a care in the world. It was my off-switch, my freedom and it represents so many of the good things that I wanted to happen in my life. Getting into that vehicle and just driving, can change a bad day into a good day at a stroke. It was a wonderful vehicle and the only reason that we changed it was because I wasn’t travelling enough miles and there was a section of the car, which became clogged due to lack of use. At that point I made a promise to myself that I would have a job again, which took me just far enough each day, so that it wouldn’t be detrimental to one of those engines again and he had spent almost two years looking for another one of those cars.

So back to the purpose of this explanation.
It represents, a time in my life which was very difficult and which I conquered. I had something worth living for, the freedom it gave me and a big fat smile on my face every time I saw it. To walk outside my house on the greyest of days, in the pouring rain, clamber into a warm, safe, comfortable car that I knew would take me to places I had dreamt of. It gave me hope that I could make changes for the better. So you see, when someone suggests that I get rid of it, that I cash it in, car values are not what they used to be, I would not get the return of what was spent on it, but it isn’t about the money.

It has never been about the money…

It is about the whole experience, of a beautiful blue car and I’m going to drive it again, I’m going to enjoy it and it’s going to take me to places. It is going to take me to places that I haven’t yet dreamed of, it’s going to places that I want to see. People that I want to meet. Experiences that I want to experience and all that from a bright blue car. My car has a name, rather than just calling it Blue like the one before it, this one is called Hope. Hope is what it represents for me.

Moving On

Time went on and she hoped for reprieve,
Now was the time she had to believe.
She gathered momentum, all set to go
The strength that took he’d never know.
He thought she’d get right on track,
That she would come crawling back.
But things had changed for her and you,
Life’s too short, the years too few
To sacrifice ones happiness,
staying together under duress.
Don’t think to hurt or shame was meant,
Just a chance to live, without lament.
Some respite from the drudge of life,
Meant to be much more than a wife.
She craved to be cherished like no other,
Much more to her, than just our Mother.
Set apart from the rest, she has such talent,
She should use the gifts that she’s been sent.
She’d raised the family, the time was right,
Had grown tired of the fuss and fight.
She packed her bags, set off, departed,
Now for her, her life’s just started.
Could not hope that you’d understand,
A different life for her was planned.
The freedom for her to do as she pleased,
The burden of her thoughts had eased.

He never thought that they would part,
And would take with her, his heart.
She caught him somewhat by surprise,
Grew fed up living with the lies.
And on it, suddenly the light shone.
When he could see the love had gone.
Sometimes resentment would start when,
He’d think of her fondly now and then.
Although he felt she’d broken his trust,
Time marches on and forgive her he must.
Didn’t figure on such loneliness,
The effect on him of such distress.
Feeling as though a downward spiral,
Going through periods of denial.
But as years go by, I think it’s shown
That he can enjoy a life of his own.
Had never thought with emotions he’d toy,
But a new way of life he’d come to enjoy.
A place where he can enjoy the limelight,
Return to peace and quiet at night.
One where he has freedom to roam,
Do as he pleases, no one at home.