Wishes

Wishes carried on the air,

Make me strong and make them fair.

Give me courage, my strength prevail.

I am not weak I will not fail.

Take this fire and send it out.

Make my words become a shout.

So I can end all this mess,

Return again our happiness.

Build this wish by power of three,

This is my will, so shall it be!

Christmas, The Holidays How are you spending them?

This was going to be my “Happy Christmas” post when I began it last week.

We are still enjoying or enduring the Holiday period here in the U.K. As we head now towards New Year. I am grateful for the fact that I am enjoying it.

This Christmas I knew would be vastly different for us and I honestly did not know how it would go. After the year that we have had it couldn’t help but be. It is the first one where we have not had Kato physically with us, he was here only in spirit. He entered my thoughts daily and although I looked for signs I did not see any. However I still felt that he was part of the family here enjoying Christmas morning together.

The past week we have been getting ready for the occasion and I have never felt so unready before. I went for a job interview the week before and it went well. I came out with such a positive feeling about both the job and myself and hoped that I may be offered one of the two positions they had spoken about. That weekend, my partner told me to call my friend who was emigrating this week and book a ticket to visit her. It was a wonderful thing to do, I feared that she would be too busy but she jumped at the suggestion. So I had a fabulous time with her and her family before they went, I came back having felt such love, I was on cloud nine.

On coming home I tried to fit in getting the house “Christmassy” but had only just enough money to get food and a few small gifts for family, so had to buy gifts wisely. Whilst my partner and I sold a few items, the people came to collect. The truck went this week, I didn’t feel stressed about letting it go. The relief that we would have funds for the shortfall again this month outweighed that.

It also meant that Hope, my Beautiful blue car has been brought out of the garage and I  able to drive her again for the first time in months again thanks to the assistance of friends who made sure that she was safe for me. I played Santa and delivered gifts and cards on Christmas Eve and got to see and hug another friend I have not seen this year.

So being broke has been the new norm for this past year along with so many other emotions. But as we end the year I can’t help thinking we have lost a lot of people. Not just the ones who are old, but the ones who are taken far too soon. When faced with this situarion, you cannot help but rethink how you wish your life to be as the new year approaches.

I did not hear about the job, but that did not stop me from applying for many more this week. At some point, someone will offer me one, when the time is right so I must trust that the right one will come along too. It felt like I have turned a corner being invited for an interview can do that to you. Lift you up spirits and all and make you concentrate on the positives.

However recently my partner has been ill, he is feeling very stressed out about making ends meet but it has all come together just in time and he is wondering where the next bit will come from, looking for things he can turn around for a little profit to keep our heads above water until that elusive job comes along. But his heart is heavy and it’s making him tired and he is in pain with the various health issues he has and damage to his body over the years. He has been told to take it easy by the doctor, but the doctor knows that he doesn’t know how. Which can be a bit of a cycle for him, it also makes me worry about him.

This Christmas we did not get fancy gifts for each other. He bought me something lovely when we were in Scotland in the Autumn and I have kept it for Christmas. I bought him something he needed, a pair of boots to keep him comfortable whilst we walk the dog together and our present to each other was our beloved Roki. For Birthday, Christmas and my Birthday. No other gift is necessary as we have the love and happiness that he brings us. We collected our new baby seven weeks ago and he is the family we craved to have again.

We awoke on Christmas morning and all piled onto the bed for a big family hug. The day was mild and bright and we made plans to go out and see it. I did not spend the morning wrapping gifts for others as I had in previous years. I had managed to wrap the few that I had bought and most had already been given by then.  We sat talking, played music and had a lovely breakfast of smoked salmon omelette which is an all family favourite. I thought about the big Meal that I would make later and planned to speak to my friend to wish her a safe journey.  Our Christmas Day was non eventful to the outside world but just right for us. We sent and received messages of good cheer to family and friends but to see the face of your child as you give him presents on Christmas Day was just the perfect way to spend it.

Our boy had two fleece blankets which were donated by the emigrating friend and he was so thrilled with them. He had a rope toy which I had given him a couple of days earlier when I had returned from my trip and a woven cloth toy, which in our house is known as “A wonderful fling to be flung” which my mother had made for him. He also had some treats and was so ecstatic that he didn’t know what to play with first. So he just decided to pick up as many as he could at once, throw them all into the air and then roll on them. He is happy. I sent a message to his old family Thanking them for the most wonderful gift to us and received a touching response.

It was late evening by the time I had prepared and cooked our Christmas meal which meant we were up until very late and watching the films on the TV till the early hours. It didn’t matter so much. On Boxing Day I collected my brother and took him to our sister and her partner’s house for a feast. It was lovely, I haven’t seen any of them in months it was just nice to sit around and enjoy a meal, we also watched a funny film and laughed together.

They say it becomes different as you get older, but that is the true meaning of Christmas to us. We have love. We are not in Scotland for the first time in three years we have stayed at home. That in itself felt a little  bit odd but less stressful for me as I didn’t have to pack or travel Christmas week and it never quite feels like the holiday until you arrive at your destination.

My good intentions as to how we should spend Christmas did not come about, again we did not decorate the house for the occasion. My partner said it wasn’t important and we just ran out of time before the big day. This Christmas was about sharing Love and Time, after all who knows how much of it we have left, that was the most important thing and we achieved that.

So however you have spent yours and however you choose to spend the holiday time you have left, I hope that you enjoy it.

I want to Thank you for following my blog since I began in February, for the friendships that grow along the way and the support that you have shown me over the past few months.  I hope that we all continue on our journeys through the next year and find new inspiration, experiences to write about and I will enjoy hearing about yours.

The Daily Post – Festive

When Will It Be?

I wonder when the notes we’ll send,
Or when we get to see our friends.
When the time is right and we are able
To gather them around the table.
To celebrate with us in the here and now.
A dearest wish, no it’s a vow!
So open your diaries, save the date
It’s time for me to marry my mate.
You see there are some plans in place.
A smile planted firmly on my face.
An occasion that’s usually lent,
To conversation and merriment!
You wanted to marry by your 60 years,
That day will come with Happy tears.
We’ve waited so long for this time,
To show in front of the world, you’re mine.
So open your diaries, save the date
It’s time for us to accept our fate.

We had booked the church and hired the hall,
But Nature was harsh and so very cruel.
So the date was put off, just postponed,
And to our surprise, nobody moaned.
The dresses packed up safe and secure,
Shoes in the box, an exciting lure.
Our lives are filled with much emotion
A light never dulled with such devotion
So here you have stayed and we have lasted,
Through sickness and health we haven’t parted.
We just put it off till the time was right
It will be soon, Our Day, Our Night.

In my head just think of the party we’ll plan,
In a beautiful place, along with my man.
A place to sit with our friends who will dine,
At the end of a day that’s filled with sunshine.
A day that’s long we’ll enjoy to the end,
a meal so grand the occasion to lend.
We are all seated down by the river,
I’m there in the moment, it sends a shiver.
With music and dancing and happiness too,
Conversation and laughter between the few.
This is my wish and I must believe,
That it’s one for us, that we will achieve.

The Folks Who Live on the Hill

Some years ago, when we came to this place,
You should have seen the look on my face.
As we drove through the countryside to see,
Where our new adventure would be.
I’d never been to that country before,
Knew it existed in old folklore.
Roads twisted and turned as we travelled,
As our lengthy journey unravelled.

We asked around for directions, we tried
As we may to find it, but the house it would hide.
Lost to the world, our heaven sent,
Derelict, forgotten to it’s detriment.
Then we turned the corner and climbed the hill,
I couldn’t disguise my wonder and thrill.
On arriving I cried, “What have we done?”
Soon realised that it had just begun.
A sight opened up before my eyes,
A place there before us started to rise.
We reached the top and stared in awe,
We had our work cut out here for sure!
Wondering where we’ll start or begin,
Stopping a while to take it all in.
There was rubbish and debris and glass on the floor.
Ivy growing around all over the door.
Trees and grass and nature surround,
Imagination, hope and challenge abound.
We walked around with a camera to click
The state it was in just made me sick.
The door kicked in and hopes were dashed,
Battered and bruised, it had been trashed.
Who could do this to somebody’s house?
The person who did this, what a louse.
But that was how we’d got our chance,
Found this and now I wanted to dance.

You see I thought a new route I’d take
And a thorough search I’d begin to make
Was looking around for a bit of romance.
It seems that Scotland is the new France.
You see that is where we’d planned to go
But something happened then, you know.
I found this place which began to start,
To inspire the mind and pull at the heart
I needed an “off switch” from my work
Which into my down time would often lurk.

Wasn’t sure whether he’d go for it,
But trust me he did and now here we sit.
But we can celebrate the day,
We went about it in our own way.
We found out it was meant to be,
That we would get our house by the sea.
It hasn’t been all plain sailing
Been up here when our health is failing
But breathe in the air and drink in the view
And you’ll be filled with hope anew.

We have such plans for our little place,
But taking it slow at our own pace.
The damaged caused by tree crashes,
Like a phoenix she’ll rise from the ashes.
A good decision that they made on the spur.
The right one to make, they must concur.
They made on that day back when
A new chapter of life, they are planning for them.

So their decision yet to be
A cosy cottage for two or three.
Or as big as a barn, for five or more
Right in the middle a huge front door.
But surrounded by fir and forest,
This is the place they love the best.
Building a fire with stick and log,
Blessed with the nonsense of a beautiful dog.
Way back then didn’t hope to envisage
That we’d feel at home here in this village
Upon people here, we’d come to depend
A few will arrive, with a hand to lend.

So is it a grand plan that they’ve hatched?
Will the roof be slate or thatched.
Up here for some time they’ll stand,
As they survey their piece of land.
Which no-one will ever take away,
It’s theirs to keep and here they’ll stay.
Up there it is their decision
Release from the usual working prison.

Don’t get me wrong, the work here is hard
Since this has for a garden, a bit more than a yard.
Don’t know how long it will take us to mend,
But a long time to finish, it’s not yet the end
Till we reach the top of this winding road
Resting a while from this heavy load.
One day we’ll have a home with such style
Which will have made it all worthwhile.
But till then, we’re remaining still
Just the folks who live on the hill.

Isn’t it strange?

I am constantly amazed as to how even though it is sometimes painful, I seem to dwell upon the past so much.  There is so much in it which I would rather forget, yet it haunts me and will not leave, opening up from time to time things long forgotten.  Like the proverbial plaster ripping which opens the wound again, just as it has begun to heal.

That’s not to say that all of the past was bad, far from it in fact.  I have many moments which I also dwell on because they bring happiness, memories of loved ones, experiences and moments which I would not want to lose.

I find that sometimes, a thought will pass and something within me just reaches out and grabs it.  Something clings on instead of letting it go, suddenly in that moment I can relive it.  I am there, in the moment.  Wouldn’t it be great if at that point, in times where things have gone wrong, or pain is caused I could put them right, change the way things went. To be able to make them better, remove the hurt that may have been caused.  Extend the happiness. If only…

Lifted a Cloud

clouds

There’s happiness in my house today,
Finally chased the darkness away
A simple thing a cloud has lifted
Not sure but feel that I’ve been gifted
And blessed with another chance to see
Again a once hidden part of me.
Don a smile, a dance or a song
Hoping the feeling will last for long
Laughter is a joyful sound
Looking a while, now been found.
Was away for a time, something amiss,
Wanted to tell you of this Bliss.