Transport 

I love it when a blog post takes you to a place where you have never been before and just for a brief time you are transported wherever it may be. It is so descriptive that you are there enjoying that moment along with the author. All the sights and sounds that surround them are playing on the senses and your own imagination kicks in. Perhaps you are noticing other things for the first time too. It is what I subconsciously aim for when I write a story. I don’t always feel that I manage it, but when it comes together, Ah success!

I don’t often read books, it is not a luxury I’m often able to afford myself, you see I’ll let you into a secret. They aren’t something I can put down again. I get so wrapped up in them, transported I guess that I am unable to switch off until I have reached the end. On the last two occasions I actually read books it was cover to cover and nothing got done for the day. Thankful for small mercies that I read pretty quickly though. Quite often even then I have considered what might happen next, another chapter. I’ve often considered writing one at the end of a book I’ve particularly enjoyed.  I do the same with a film the concentration is immense. But if anything breaks that for me and I miss a bit then quite often I will walk away mid film and watch it another time, much to the annoyance of my partner.

One such post transported me there is this one Helen Hayward Going Home for Christmas which I read tonight. It got me thinking about the places which have been home over the years, she quoted a friend “Never go back to the place where you were happiest as a child’, a friend once told me. ‘The place you went on holiday to, a garden from childhood, a tree house in the woods. It’s gone, lost’, she said firmly, ‘and you can’t refind it’.”

Revisiting them is not always a good idea. Crossing back to the time before we became grown up, when we looked at everything so differently. First off we often expect it to be the same and it just isn’t the same. Not when you have grown up but still we have a fondness for the familiar don’t we. The inspiration following a memory we once had.

I walked down the high street where I grew up as a teenager and later lived in the town nearby. It has changed so much, I did not recognise it and yet it still somehow brought me comfort in the memories that I hold of the place. We all grow up one day, people and places in an ever changing world.

The Daily Post – Crossing

When it’s alright on the outside.

This is the inspiration beind this particular post. This picture came from Facebook as so many do but in particular advertising awareness for Crohn’s & Colitis.

It got me thinking about just how many people I might know who are dealing with an invisible illness. The ones where it does not show, people who we are sure they are alright because they don’t look ill. It occurred to me how  almost everyone we know fights a battle of some sort.

It could be cancer, mental health, abuse, addictions, or a physical illness or disability. It could be anything at all.

It is very easy to not think about what other people might be going through and just react to a comment, a look or an emotion but in a judgemental world that we are living in, just take a moment to think about it before your own assumptions take over. Some fight it all alone whilst others can have a whole network of support. Some simply cannot cope and will shut down hoping for the storm to pass. Some will talk about it whilst others will not everyone is different.

Respect those differences but if you know someone who has is coping with an illness invisible or not, just a small gesture to show that you are thinking of them, or that you care can mean the world when it all gets too much.

I know we have just had the season of goodwill and you might be feeling that New Year warm fuzzy feeling but can we extend that around the rest of the year and it might just start to make a difference in our lives. I’m not asking for world peace, after all who am I to ask?

How Many Do We Get?

A leading question and forgive me for a moment if I’m going to go deep…

I am talking about how many chances to make a new life? Something better than before, or at least different. I am sometimes likened to a cat by those who know me, but I wonder whether I have the nine lives people so often speak of. I don’t know how many chances I have had. I have never thought to count them before or even how many I may have already used up and I’m not going to start now.  For whatever the answer is, I am grateful.

What I do know is that throughout our life we are given so many opportunities to make it different. Some we may miss. It may be that we simply don’t see them at the time. Or that they come out of nowhere and we reach out and life as we know it changes completely.

I want to tell you about one such time in my life. It was 8 years ago (Oh how time flies) this week, just days before my Birthday.

I had prayed so long for the moment, hell I’d even begged for it. The operation which I was sure would change my adult life from the one that had been plagued thus far with pain and illness. Once they had found out that the cause of all this misery was Endometriosis, an incurable condition and I had met the specialist, then he could set about sorting me out finally. I was overflowing with hope of what would come to me in my new life after they agreed to give me a full hysterectomy. The pressure in the past that I’d felt, to provide children to complete my existence was suddenly removed and I could finally move on from it. By just announcing “I can’t have children”, instead of the wistful ” I don’t have children…. yet.” Somehow the weight was instantly lifted and it was just accepted by others as well as myself. It was also possible that since my pain and symptoms were cyclical and my menstrual cycle outweighed the rest of the month, this surgery just might put an end to it in one fell swoop. It was a drastic approach, but I had tried everything else that was suggested and it hadn’t worked, I was by then absolutely desperate.

Of course I had the last minute doubts before the operation because it was so final. But, the pro’s definitely outweighed con’s in my mind as I thought about the opportunity to actually start living and be able to follow some of my dreams without being held back by my condition at last. My partner was a tower of strength and supported my decision all the way, he wasn’t going anywhere he said, we were in this together.

There were moments in the past where I had gone after a dream and encouraged by my partner had gone far and achieved things that I had not thought possible.

I awoke from the operation euphoric. Full of hope for what might come next in our lives, after the three months recovery time at home I would need. Thankful for being given the chance at starting my adult life over again. I was now going to be able to go out there and actually begin to live it! I was also extremely grateful that this time I had understanding bosses who had agreed the time off on full pay that I would need. It was such a huge relief that we did not have that particular stress hanging over us through that.

I healed really quickly on the outside and felt invincible and ready to take on the world. My partner held on tightly to the reigns for a while to stop me doing something that would set my recovery back and I started straight away on HRT patches so that I wouldn’t go into a menopausal state with immediate effect. I didn’t want to go through that on top of it all and since I was young I wanted something that would protect me from the brittle bones often suffered post menopause for as long as possible. I am still using them.

So how do I feel 8 years on from this?  Did my new life begin? Was it as awesome as I thought it would become back then?

Well, yes I got a new life compared to the old one. It started to be like most lives, it’s been a pretty mixed bag.  Not always awesome, it has been filled with ups and downs, we have been sick and healthy, jobs have come and gone. I have lost people and loved ones along the way. I have fought for what I believed in, I have tried to remain strong even when I did not think it were possible.  I have often felt as though I am at rock bottom but I have had my loved ones beside me along the way but most of all it is not over yet.  There is no “fat lady” singing yet.

I have gone sometimes off at tangents over the past few years, not really knowing where it would lead but I want the other chances which might be open to me.  A life can be long or short, we have no way of knowing which of those we will have.  As mine continues I will look for the opportunities in the hope that they present themselves as often as possible. I hope I will find them, at the corner of every street, on every day that I am lucky to wake up and to breathe and in every person I am lucky enough to meet. Yes, I do see those things as blessings, sometimes in disguise, but experience is gained from every encounter.

I haven’t yet worked out for my purpose is for this world, I feel as though somehow I am being led to help others.  I am not sure of the direction but I am certain that I have a place and I belong here and I want to make a difference, somewhere to someone.

 

The Man on our Walk

It was growing dark. The man shuffled slowly towards us, dragging his foot as he went. His shoes worn lopsided from the effort and his clothes dishevelled. His breathing was laboured, he shot me a strange look as he passed by us and I wondered why. I did not worry and did not feel under threat.

The dog was suspicious leaning his body into mine protective in his stance. The puppy with fluffy ears and long legs suddenly wolf like. There to defend me if required. Forgetting for a moment that he did not need to guard we were just out. He did not make a sound.

The man shuffled on past continuing on his way, scowling to wherever his journey took him. Moments later the puppy looked up at me and wagged his tail, whatever danger he suspected had passed. I stroked his ears, reassurance that all was well as we continued on our walk. Our breath visible in the night air, thick around our heads, clothing pulled tightly around our bodies for warmth, striding purposefully home with my furry protector.

Turning Over a New Leaf – My Take on It.

Kara Post Kennedy – Turning Over a New Leaf – Open Thought Vortex

Having just read the above post and seen the question “what change that you want to see are you now deciding to be?”

I was struck by this and also kind of stuck for an answer. It is a New Year, but are we supposed to have it all figured already?

It takes me longer than that to figure things out, maybe I should have begun to figure it all out much earlier.

So what do I think this year will hold for me?

I like so many others I’m sure, am hopeful that we as a couple will become healthier, even happier and more prosperous, perhaps a little slimmer too as I seem to have put on some extra pounds.  Maybe it’s because I cooked Apple Crumbles, with our apples from the hill. To allow us that little taste of Scotland for Christmas, which we both love and we have just finished the last of them.

I hope that I will get a great job which will provide everything that we need to survive and maybe give us a little bit more to cover some adventures along the way. I hope that my second book will be better than my first and sell so many more copies.

So as I sat at New Year, stating my intentions, getting them out there, I hoped that some at least might come to pass.

But and this is the thing, If it doesn’t all happen for me then I have made the decision that I will not beat myself up about it as I have in previous years.  I will not blame myself or those around me, most of all  I will not see it as failure if I don’t achieve all these things.  For I am giving my fate over to the universe this year and if it doesn’t deliver, then well then I have to just accept that it just isn’t the right time yet and believe that the better things will come, when they are ready.

This is my new leaf… Allowing myself to accept what good things are to come, to welcome the changes that will follow.

 

 

Quotes for a New Year – Part 1

The Daily Post – Year

Since this has turned into a rather longer post than I first anticipated, I thought that I would continue with the them and so several of them throughout the month.

It is a variation on the 3 Quotes in 3 Days challenge of last year, I thoroughly enjoyed. I may have mentioned at the time that I would be happy to do it again at some point so I thought that I would share some of my favourite quotes which I have seen over the past few months and share what springs to mind when I see them for this coming New Year.

Some may motivate, inspire, or give you the warm fuzzy’s as they do for me, others may just bring a smile to your face, it may just be as simple as that.

I thought that I would try and reign it in and keep it to a manageable amount, but since there are quite a few of them this may become a series of posts instead. I must admit, that folder of them comes in handy for a dose of inspiration, or whatever in times of need but makes it rather difficult to choose.
So, here they are and I hope that you also enjoy….

 

This reminds me of the sort of person I strive to be, I have dreams of being that strong in the eyes of myself and others.

Maybe this year 2017, I will continue with the little steps and who knows where they will lead.

I’ve grown more than I thought was possible as a person, have gone through so much and have reached the end of a year still filled with hope for the new one and what it might bring.

There are parts of the past which haunt me and I often think perhaps I should revisit and re-write it, with a different ending.  But in reality I have to quit banging on it, don’t I?

 

I always look out for them, some sign that our loved ones are still here by our sides. I have to believe that they never leave and we are here for them too if they need us.

Set your intentions and hopes and dreams and leave it to the universe or your God to provide.

When you have an illness which you fight day in day out, whether it be mental or physical never give up hope that one day you will be well enough to see the other side and if you get there, then celebrate the achievement.

About time too!

 

When you think about this possibility, it occurs to me just how awesome this statement actually is. Whatever has been in the lives before mine makes me who I am.

 

 

Just so True! Always there.

Inspirational indeed.  My aim is to be unstoppable, when it comes to whatever path I follow. I have some way to go yet!

Not entirely true.  My inner child is six whenever she appears. (Which is both maddening and exciting)

So let the fun begin.

 

 

Oh yes, the fine art of forgiveness and moving on is not an easy road. But very rewarding when you reach that destination.

This is a definite message to my former self. A stark reminder that I worked in a place where I was barely tolerated by some people and it made me miserable. I made the promise that I will not stay in such a place if I am ever so unfortunate again as to not see it for what it is before I get there. I owe it to myself.

This is what let me continue writing and blogging after being filled with self doubt for so long. It was all I had left to give at the time. Worn out by what had transpired in the previous few months. I tried and it was received by people who gave me encouragement when I needed it. To them I say Thankyou!

This final one is a message to myself really, to keep reaching higher. Even when something seems out of reach, don’t give up. I remember collecting fruit in the Autumn up on the hill. Think of it as the apples upon a tree, you are reaching for that one which is juicy and ripe and it is just  enticingly out of reach. So you take a leap. Jump that little bit higher. Sometimes, a gust of wind will blow and the branch will be blown just low enough for you to grab a hold of to enable you to reach that prize. If you are looking for change then don’t give up hope.

I wish that whatever you are looking for in 2017 it offers you good that outweighs the bad, love which conquers hate and happiness which cancels out sadness.

 

Photography – Various.

Quotes – Part 2.

This is the second post on the theme from my first post. Quotes for a New Year – Part 1

Not really more of the same, the subject matter is a little different this time.

Inspirational dreams can set off the stories I write, the poems which follow and the map of the road which I consider taking. Occasionally, common sense will kick in and I will tug on the reigns instead of following that direction. I accept this as all part of the process.

A life is made up of so many chapters. They can’t all be great, exciting and wonderful. So if you have a bad one, you might need some help and just try and get through and learn from it.

When things are going wrong, I often think we are better off not daring to ask, what’s next?

I feel that this quote is leading me in a direction I have yet to find. There must be a purpose, we are here for a reason, we don’t always know what it is.  One day I am sure to find out.

In other words, don’t feed the fears…

That is what I plan for each year.

There’s just something about this quote which resonates and fills me with Hope. You have to go through so much in a lifetime and don’t worry if you break along the way, for there is a chance for the light to appear.

So when someone is talking rubbish, then don’t rise to it. If you can’t escape them, then just don’t answer!

Along with the age old quote, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger I sincerely hope that my time at rock bottom will hold me in good stead. How do we become  Hero?

 

And this is what I aim to become, in whatever path I follow.

Here’s to having messy hair, Salut!

If you don’t have a forest, then find one, or at least borrow some time in one  I highly recommend it.

When you feel broken, remember this it may just give you hope.

So if just one little thing can brighten a persons day then do lots of little things as it can mount up to one helluva change.

A simple message  I don’t understand. Why do people feel the need to be unkind?

… and this is when we are we are at our happiest!

Letting go is all part of the healing process, it can be hard to try but in the end surrendering to the ingrained ideas of what “should be” and accepting what will follow can be very liberating.

I think being soft on the inside, or even allowing that side of you to be visible to others still is misconstrued as weak by so many. If only they knew! It’s an honour when someone shows you their soft side so don’t let anyone abuse that.

 

 

 

The End of an Affair

A Short Story

As the couple stood underneath the departures board at the station. People waiting all around to see which platform they needed her eyes were drawn to them. A well dressed man stood in front of her with a well dressed woman. He looked anxious as he was talking loudly to her. Almost shouting but unintentionally he just had one of those voices which carried. He was not speaking quietly but he looked concerned as he spoke.

It was Christmas week, as people were thinking about spending time together. Although she was looking up at the departure board, her eye was being drawn to the couple below it. It was clearly the time to end their affair. He was trying to work out why she was watching them, did she look familiar or perhaps know one of them. It was sad she felt for the woman whose face she could not see, it seemed so insensitive to do this in not only a public place but right under the departure board. The onlooker wondered why he would pick such a public place to end it, where there is no where in private to mask the inevitable emotions that follow a break up. He started to look uncomfortable but kept watching the onlooker over his lady’s shoulder, wondering if he had been recognised but still they did not move away. The onlooker willed her train platform to appear on the board but there was a full 20 minutes before it was due to leave. He stood talking, reasoning as the words drifted across to the ones who waited there. All the time she stood motionless. “You’re a lovely girl.” He placed a hand on each arm like you would to steady a child who was out of control, or as you would draw someone into an embrace. But he did neither, he just continued “But I am a Married Man and I don’t know what I can do” Her response was inaudible but she may have tried to reason with him, or had she known all along just be accepting. He told her not to cry so within a moment it was clear the outcome but she did not shake and appeared composed. He moved her to one side about 20 feet away and dropped his voice slightly, the noise of the busy station muffled the words, leaving the rest only to her imagination. The onlooker hoped that they would not be on the same train, not in the same carriage and hoped that the woman would be alright. At least she could start the New Year with a new start, not clinging to the old life for it would no longer serve her. She did not have such concern for the man who was dumping her. At that point he became insignificant. As the onlooker looked again above them at the departures, she hoped that this new year would bring good things for the people she loved and even herself, if that was allowed. She looked forward to the welcome she would get from her family as she stepped inside the door as she arrived home. The embraces and laughter. She thought of the wonderful gift of time spent with loved ones that she had been given and felt happy. As she smiled to herself she looked below and the couple had vanished, just as quickly as they had appeared.

Young Men aren’t supposed to Die.

 

A couple of days ago we said our final Goodbyes’ to my partner’s best friend Tommy. They had been in each other’s lives for over 40 years. So now my man is grieving again, for another lovely man like so many taken before his time.  I wrote this poem when he died.  His family did him proud though and gave him a nice service with wonderful tributes for a life well lived. He was a good man and a great friend to my partner and boy do we miss him.  This photograph was taken the day he died, from the slipway where he regularly launched his boat with his son and his friends, it is a special place. May he rest in peace now, but the memories and stories will live on.

Sometimes the sickness will deny,
But young men aren’t supposed to die.
The chance for them to fulfil their lives,
Not leave behind children and wives.
But what is young and what is old?
Who’s the one who’ll break the mould.
One with love, who’s heaven sent
A long and healthy life that’s meant.
Over the years he’d come to show
A friendship that would grow and grow.
So Dear Lord, hear my plea
Although from pain, this one’s now free.
But all along, much life to live,
For friends and family, love to give.
One dear friend who’d help the poor
In cherished memory, here no more.
I think of the extra time we’d happily buy,
Time spent to wonder, or understand why?
Taken from this life way too soon,
The light went out, an empty room.
They fought so hard to be the boss,
Left startled by such sudden loss.
So as I stop and loudly cry,
Young men aren’t supposed to die.

I am honoured to be nominated for The Sunshine Blogger Award.

A wonderful surprise, I have been nominated by Pazlo Armchair Zen – Nomination for the Sunshine Blogger Award.  It’s a first for me and I am feeling honoured to have been asked. It has taken me longer than I thought to be able to do this. I hope that I am able to do it justice.

sunshine-blog-award

Rules of the Sunshine Blogger Award:
Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
Answer the eleven questions set by the person who nominated you.
Nominate eleven other blogs and give them eleven questions to answer.
List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post.

The questions set by Pazlo:

How do you come to be a blogger?

I was advised by my counsellor, to take time out and do something for myself once a week and since I had been missing my creativity, she told me that I should nurture it.  I had written poetry and had a keen interest in photography which needed to be rekindled. Having begun to write poems again, I looked at how I would get them out in the open and felt that a blog was a good place to start.

Tell us a bit about where you live.

My time is currently spent between the the East Coast of Scotland where I spend my time in a rural and derelict cottage and the South of England, where I have a small bungalow. Both are coastal locations and are enjoyed in totally different ways. Scotland is my sanctuary, where I go to replenish my soul.

What other creative talents or outlets do you have, besides your blog?

I love photography and making things, and have a good eye for detail.

If you could send a text to everyone in the world simultaneously, what would you say?

Please can we have Peace?

How would you describe humankind to an alien that knows nothing of humans?

Interesting creatures, in all shapes and sizes and a mass of contradictions.

What, in your opinion, is the most important or valuable invention of modern man?

It’s a relatively simple answer for me. Travel, in it’s many forms which has brought the world closer together and opens up so many opportunities.

What attributes of your favorite season do you most admire?

Sun, Sea and Air with bright colours all around.

What is your earliest childhood memory?

Of a Bright blue painted upright piano with flowers all over it.  I was convinced that it was in our house and was devastated to be told years later that we had gone on holiday when I was about 18 month old and been in a concert hall somewhere and that was where I had seen it.

In what ways do you now differ from the person you thought you’d be when you were a teenager? 

I don’t have the biological children or the financial security that I was sure I would have by now.

Who has been an inspiration or hero in your life?

My Partner, who has been by my side through thick and thin and is my rock.

If you could be a different species, what would it be? 

I always thought that I would be a cat.  It would have to be a Tiger, since I have an inner strength that surprises me from time to time and I don’t like to be cornered.

My Eleven Questions

What inspired you to write publicly?

If you could pick one quote which describes you best, then post it.

Of the four elements, Earth Water, Fire or Air which would you be and why?

If you had never travelled abroad before and money was no object what is the first country you would go to?

What was the last thing you photographed?

Describe your perfect morning.

Animals or People, who would you prefer to spend your time with?

What motivates you?

If you had the perfect Christmas (or other seasonal holiday), how would it be?

Are you creative in any other ways other than blogging, if so then what is your passion?

If you were to describe yourself in one sentence to people who did not know you, what would you say?

Ana Linden Ana Linden

Phoebe Chi Musings of PuppyDoc

Ishita Lakra https://eddietaughtme.wordpress.com/

Truly Unplugged https://trulyunplugged.com/

Elaine https://firespiritblog.wordpress.com/

Gilly http://www.anythingexcepthousework.co.uk/

Lisa https://bloominuterus.com/

Len https://lenmoriarty.wordpress.com/

Shareen https://otvmagazine.com/

Rachel https://howtoprovide.com/

Alex https://septemberwriter.wordpress.com/

 

 

Tess https://tessblogsblog.wordpress.com/