Rebuild

I wake from dreams I’d rather not see,

In places where I don’t want to be.

My hands are shaking, blood pumping fast.

Why must this feeling of betrayal last.

As I rise, with face engorged,

To gather my armour and my sword.

Feet placed firmly upon the ground.

But my body spinning round and round.

Ready at the moment to let battle commence,

If I had my time again would get off the fence.

Would I show the truth behind the lies,

The ones betraying, the hidden spies.

Who caused hurt and pain and such a mess,

And deeds which broke me, causing distress.

So as I stand with my feet on the floor,

Heading out towards the door.

Was I as strong as everyone thought,

When I left that place, hurt and distraught.

Still in a spin now years have passed.

Oh why oh why does this feeling last.

As though on my axis, my own planet.

Why haven’t I got over this yet?

I wake from this and start to think,

So many times I’ve been to the brink.

What thoughts or deeds send me there,

Haven’t I moved on, so why should I care.

The feeling as raw as if it were the day,

The rug from me was pulled away.

Years of my life, hard work was gone.

Did not know what I’d done wrong.

Punished for strength and loyalty,

Tying me down, not setting me free.

Wanting them one day to make amends,

And doing my best to still stay friends.

But friends are not what they’ve been to me,

By removing the plasters, the wounds they’d see.

Time has not healed the hurt they caused,

Left in their wake, the bodies they’ve gorged.

They say in business there are no friends,

So why time and thoughts I continue to defend.

Let me go, I’ve paid the fee

Wish I could continue to rebuild me.

The Daily Post – Transformation

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Phoenix in the Fire

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Phoenix Fire

There is something immediately calming to me about building a log fire in our house.

I always look into the fire to see what shapes it will produce, sometimes I have seen words upon logs as they burn and sometimes there are objects which are plain to see. others you may have to look more closely for.

Here is the second night’s fire after we arrived.  I have named it my Phoenix Fire. As I placed the funny shaped log upon the fire, it began to burn and as it burned the fire curled the fronds of bark around it as though wings in flight.  It was beautiful. I did not want to leave it’s warmth.  As the fire roared from it’s mouth and all around it warming the room and my face. It was as though it had something to teach me. That underneath it all, there is still room to grow and return.  Another promise of Hope perhaps.  It would appear to be a signal that I am not done here yet.  Rising again from the embers. Stronger one can hope.

The Daily Post – Promises

I am a Survivor!

I am a Survivor!

The things which I have gone through, I have come out the other side.

Broken, Yes Sometimes for a while…

Forced to hide away and repair myself, when others have chosen to just brush it aside.

Rebuilding each and every time without fail, essential for my survival.

Finding strength I didn’t know existed all over again. To help me grow instead of wither and die, like they expected. Making me a person far different from the one I could have been.

They did not win. They will not win.

I did not fail.  I will not fail.

My Branches may have been cut and I bled, but they grew again.

My wings may have been clipped, I waited for my feathers to return.

My impatience to continue evident, not content just to wait for it to be over.

I gathered the wind under my wings, ready to soar again, back where I belong.

My Spirit, untamed, released at last from my experiences.

Free to Live, to dream and to Be.

The Daily Post – Survival