I wake from dreams I’d rather not see,
In places where I don’t want to be.
My hands are shaking, blood pumping fast.
Why must this feeling of betrayal last.
As I rise, with face engorged,
To gather my armour and my sword.
Feet placed firmly upon the ground.
But my body spinning round and round.
Ready at the moment to let battle commence,
If I had my time again would get off the fence.
Would I show the truth behind the lies,
The ones betraying, the hidden spies.
Who caused hurt and pain and such a mess,
And deeds which broke me, causing distress.
So as I stand with my feet on the floor,
Heading out towards the door.
Was I as strong as everyone thought,
When I left that place, hurt and distraught.
Still in a spin now years have passed.
Oh why oh why does this feeling last.
As though on my axis, my own planet.
Why haven’t I got over this yet?
I wake from this and start to think,
So many times I’ve been to the brink.
What thoughts or deeds send me there,
Haven’t I moved on, so why should I care.
The feeling as raw as if it were the day,
The rug from me was pulled away.
Years of my life, hard work was gone.
Did not know what I’d done wrong.
Punished for strength and loyalty,
Tying me down, not setting me free.
Wanting them one day to make amends,
And doing my best to still stay friends.
But friends are not what they’ve been to me,
By removing the plasters, the wounds they’d see.
Time has not healed the hurt they caused,
Left in their wake, the bodies they’ve gorged.
They say in business there are no friends,
So why time and thoughts I continue to defend.
Let me go, I’ve paid the fee
Wish I could continue to rebuild me.