There is something about this time of year which I cannot explain. I don’t cope very well in the cold and it is usually the coldest month of the year, when the bitter winds blow and you cannot feel your face. In the last few months I have suffered with tremendous pain in my ears and throat on a regular basis and as yet unexplained. I was told that it was eustachian tube disfunction and prescribed something for it but it didn’t work. So I resort to plugging my ears with cotton wool every time I leave the house.
So in the coldest time of the year, why am I missing our beloved Scotland so much. True, for the past four years we have spent either Christmas or New Year and sometimes both up in Scotland, braving the cold and enjoying the scenery. It felt normal to us to be there. It was where we went for Kato’s holiday and this year we didn’t. This year we had Roki who hasn’t got used to travelling yet so has no desire to take such a trip. We hope that in time that will change. Oh I do hope so, then we will be able to show him our wonderful piece of heaven.
Meanwhile maybe because it was Burns Night a couple of weeks ago and there is a plethora of Scotland on our TV screen is what is making me homesick. I know that it is totally impractical at present but I was looking wistfully at jobs there earlier today.
I have been cooking these past few days. Things which I do not usually make and have enjoyed it. I haven’t been well this week, none of us have so this is my way of helping us to heal. By preparing food wholesome comforting winter food. I was also thinking of making marmalade again. I haven’t done for a few years now I used to make orange and ginger and add brandy for a bit of hooch. It was nice.
I am missing the hill and all of it’s little oddities. I know that I could not stay there in this cold weather. We would freeze and so would our water supply which would be difficult up there. I am craving the time when we are able to go there at will whenever we wish and do not have to rely upon friends for water or baths.
I am missing the trees, the wildlife and the light which brings me peace and calms me and it is this that I am thinking of tonight again as I cannot sleep. Yes I am tired. But for some reason I am wide awake and thinking of our sanctuary once again. He talked about the beautiful burn which he filled with stones for me, so that the water would run freely through it and we would not be overrun with mosquitoes. It nearly killed him as so many things almost did that year. He wanted to do it for me, to surprise me. I am glad I brought him home in time. He was ill that year too collapsing with blood poisoning a week after his return due to an infection in his jaw.
We have a supply of wood, but this time of year I know that it would not last us very long. I am conscious that it would not be easy to replenish it despite all the trees that have fallen. My first foray with a chain saw this year does not exactly qualify me to log 150 foot pine trees, I would need a much larger saw than we have and I still have not fitted the log burner in the other room or repaired the chimney. There is so much to do and now is not the time to do it. Yes I would need a team of helpers. I don’t have any.
I am constantly amazed at the people who can turn their hand to anything. I am a creative person and I also have a practical nature but my tools are old and a little basic and my knowledge is sketchy. I am willing to learn and give almost anything a try. I have thought of opening up the place to helpers far and wide and offering food and board in return for help to get our house fixed up but he will not entertain the idea. He doesn’t want people tramping all over our private place. He likes the solitude that it provides.
We have a select few friends I there, who do not encroach and are always welcomed when they arrive.
I wonder, Is the dream moving farther away as the years go by? Seven years this year we got this magical place and I thought back then that we would’ve been well on our way to having it sorted out. In truth we are such a long way off, not much nearer to the goal. Although at least the majority of the ground is cleared and we can see what we have now.
We have been reevaluating these last few days. Trying to figure out what is the best action to take. A step in the right direction to make some progress and changes for he better. We are undecided as to whether our southern lifestyle needs to drastically change but personally I feel that it has to. A move might be on the cards this year and this would not be an easy task. It is also likely to cost us financially and we are not set up for it despite my best attempts I am no nearer to getting full time paid work. All this time later, I still do not have my head above water which makes me hesitant rush in and do it all over again, I need to find the right job, which pays the bills without a shortfall.