Her Memory of Tennis in the Sunshine.

Initially there were several reasons as to why I began writing this blog. It started out in my head as an outlet for deeper feelings and how I would deal with them as they sprung up, like loose floorboards in an old house and hit me squarely between the eyes, often catching me unawares. I think that over time it will grow into far much more than that, as it has already shown signs of doing.

Today I am feeling as though another reason for writing this will be to remind my partner and I years from now, what was going through our heads, the memories we have made and the ones that we have cherished.

Since Alzheimers is a genetic disorder, there is some concern on our part, that it may follow down the line over the course of time and this may serve to remind us of some of the wonderful times we have had and how loved we both are. I would love to write his own story, and share his memories which seem far more interesting than my own, but he is not inclined to allow me at this point. It would make interesting reading though but he remains a very private person.

Last year we finally lost his mother to a lengthy fight with Alzheimers Disease, she lived a life which had been both tragic and wonderful at times. She lived to what is considered a good age, but unfortunately she could not remember most of it. In latter years, when I visited her sometimes her eyes would glisten and a flash of a memory would return, along with the excitement of being able to share it with someone. On the occasions whilst she could still tell me, snippets of stories would come back to her and she would recount them, although sometimes they would be all intermingled. To me it didn’t matter how she remembered them, whether they were entirely factual or not, it just proved that her brain was still working, despite some short circuits and that she was in there somewhere. She was a good friend to me and I have been thinking fondly again about her today, as I often do. It was devastating when she could no longer speak to share her thoughts, my last conversation with her was in October 2014 and after that her silence was awful, which the chatter of others around her was deafening, she passed away in March 2015.

She often told me about the Grand old house in Kent where they used to live as children, it was where she had grown up with her two brothers before the loss of her beloved mother in her teens, it was very clear that she was happiest there. They had a large house with Tennis courts out the back and she was playing tennis in the sunshine, they backed onto woodland behind the house and the trees offered dappled light across the house and shade when out on the court. She often spoke of the tennis courts, she must have enjoyed the game. I think it was due to it being a bright sunny day today that, it reminded me of this.  It would be a wonderful day to play tennis, I would have loved to have played the game with her.

Soliloquy

Soliloquy –
noun, plural soliloquies.
1.
an utterance or discourse by a person who is talking to himself or herself or is disregardful of or oblivious to any hearers present (often used as a device in drama to disclose a character’s innermost thoughts): Hamlet’s soliloquy begins with “To be or not to be.”.
2.
the act of talking while or as if alone.

How odd, how sometimes just a word will come to you out of the blue. It’s meaning is not even clear at the time. Sometimes you will not pay it attention and it will hang there in the air, awaiting your consideration for another time.

The word appeared in my head I had to look up the meaning of it, as I could not recall. But there I was, suddenly I was googling who the music was by as it reminded me that I once had a friend many years ago, who had a great Jazz album which I loved and listened to often. It was called Soliloquy, it was by Dick Morrissey and I had an urge just to listen to the music again.

Gone but not Forgotten.

Although I think of her almost every day,
The clocks don’t stop because she’s away.
Always had a shoulder to lend,
A beautiful garden she would tend.
She’d sometimes remember, Life was Grand,
As I’d sit and hold her hand.
Speaking of places and things done,
Back with a smile, she would come.
Quick witted with a smile,
She’d keep you laughing for a while.
Bright flowers clothing and scent abound,
You always knew when she was around.
A “little drinkie for you and for me”
Things in a new light then we’d see.
A glass of wine and a toast,
“To the lady with the most”
A sparkling person, with such flair,
You wouldn’t upset, just wouldn’t dare!
Well travelled and highly educated,
Friends from the start, we were fated.
Languages spoken from afar,
Our fun days out in her little car.
Enjoyed good food to compliment,
Turned a few heads, wherever she went.
A bright light, where it once shone,
Now up above in heaven you’ve gone.
For I am sure it’s where the good people go,
You’re one of them I used to know.
One year today since she passed,
But in my memory she’ll last.
My mother in Law, Heaven bound,
So sorry to say, she’s no longer around.
If you’re thinking of us, please do send
Some sign to show you’re there my friend.
Loved and lost won’t ever forget,
In our hearts no time for regret.

In a Moment

DSC_0104They say that Home is where the Heart is.

On reaching this part of the world for the very first time, I was stuck by the light and beauty of my surroundings and when we arrived, we walked around drinking it all in.  There are moments which stay with you and what followed was to be one such moment.

Walking around the overgrown garden, which hadn’t been touched in years I took my camera snapping away anxious to take with me everything that my eyes could see, to pore over at a later date and relive the moments.

Little did I know that what was about to happen would have such a profound effect upon me and cement in my mind that this was a place which would feel like home, where I would run to for solace and comfort in years to come.

As I walked tentatively watching where I was putting my feet, since there were so many rabbit holes and the ground was so uneven.  I was just about to place my foot upon the earth when I saw something before me which moved me as though to stop my heart in it’s tracks. I noticed what looked like a large dock leaf move and my heart was in my mouth as I lifted the corner of it to see a baby fawn curled up asleep in the afternoon sunshine.  I have no idea as to its age, however it was the size of a small cat curled up, its beady black eyes gazing up at me and I think it could not have been more than a few days old.  It made no sound, nor any attempt to run it just stayed there, indelible upon my memory that moment.  I spoke to it very gently, telling it that it was safe and that I would not harm it, being careful not to touch it and leave my scent upon it, I just lifted up the leaf, took about 20 camera shots of it very close up and left the leaf to fall, I then retraced my steps to avoid alarming it’s mother any more and walked around it by a distance of about 10 feet.

I felt truly blessed and emotional about that moment and knew right then that this was going to be home for me. I walked over to my partner and told him what had just happened with tears in my eyes.

To be surrounded by Nature and to have wildlife feeling comfortable enough to graze and hide out in your garden must mean that it is a safe and welcoming place.