No, I’m not ready to jump or anything. Although things have been pretty stressful lately, (for that read at times unbearable) at times you feel as though you are reaching breaking point, when you are laying down to sleep and the dreams you have are past experiences, mixed with anxious feelings for an unknown future, it seems that all the fears and bad experiences are rising to the top again, the forefront of my mind and I hate it. Upon waking I know it is a dream but I do not want it to be the reality and I really don’t want to relive those aspects of my past all over again. On some such occasions, I tell my Mum, she agreed it was pretty horrible, but that I should acknowledge it as bad dreams and don’t accept it.
My future is not hanging in the balance, but despite my best attempts to leave my fate in the hands of the gods, or some higher power. I find myself crying out on a far too regular basis that “Life shouldn’t be this hard!” feeling as though I am some forlorn child who is unable to cope with her life. But it is not only I who feel this way, my partner also is struggling with why things are so difficult for us all of the time. Some people in the past have suggested that we might be better going our own separate ways, that somehow we are bringing each other down. But that is unkind, (the politest response that I can put here and a pretty messed up way of looking at things) Anyhow, I can remember without rose tinted glasses that life wasn’t so fabulous before he came along either.
When one thing goes our way and we are overjoyed after, days, weeks, months of things going wrong. Other people do not have to deal with things like this on an every day basis. We really need a break and we are crying out for one.
If the angels are listening, please send some good our way, health, happiness, funds, or anything really to lighten the load.