I am not quite sure when it became apparent to me, but one of my lasting memories as a child was the recurring dream. I dreaded it’s arrival as I felt so out of control when it happened. The dream itself took on so many forms over the years, but always somewhere at some point in there was a spiral, almost like being in a vacuum somehow, being pulled always backwards downward as though on a spiral staircase. Although it would always start slowly, as time went on, it would then drag me way too fast and I was powerless to stop it. The sick dizzy feeling that going backwards fast can give you somehow remained with me once I had awoken. I was very small when it happened for the first time. In adult life, both physically and emotionally, I don’t like going backwards, I refuse to travel backwards on a train, it messes with my senses, gives me a headache and makes me dizzy again, bringing back that old familiar dreamlike feeling. I also dislike not making progress however small, since I am naturally impatient and have to curb that sometimes, it seems to be a driving force. Static is almost as bad as the backward spiral and I continue to fight against them both.
The Spiral Staircase
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byindiablue 