Don’t wish for Harm.

Don’t want to feel that it’s a sin,
To speak about the position I’m in.
Have come here under much duress,
Just to avoid more distress.
Never wished to cause a fight,
By opening up to things I write.
Something for the world to see,
It’s not for them, just about me.
Just for once won’t try to think,
Of others, or just turn to drink.
Words can hurt, this I know
But I didn’t place the very first blow!
It’s not a war or argument,
Or anger open aired to vent.
For years I circumnavigate,
Don’t wish for pain, or for hate.
It’s just a part of the healing process,
Don’t want to remember and won’t obsess.
On people where the light is shone,
Memories of old, I want them gone.

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In the Garden

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In the garden.

 

In the garden, the sun on my skin.

Wait for the transformation to begin.

Always have to pull out the weeds,

Now it’s time to plant some seeds.

Time to get my hands in all the earth,

The starlings sit sharing their mirth.

What wonders will our eyes befall?

After we have done it all.

Grass to cut, New pots to fill,

Has it taken, won’t know until

New growth and leaves appear,

Signal the start of each new year.

 

Buds and tendrils begin to grow,

Be careful with the water flow.

Not too little and not to much,

Get it right and as such.

Your garden it will start to flourish,

With blooms aplenty that you’ll cherish.

When it’s done a wonderful thing,

Here to enjoy in Summer and Spring.

Lifted a Cloud

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There’s happiness in my house today,
Finally chased the darkness away
A simple thing a cloud has lifted
Not sure but feel that I’ve been gifted
And blessed with another chance to see
Again a once hidden part of me.
Don a smile, a dance or a song
Hoping the feeling will last for long
Laughter is a joyful sound
Looking a while, now been found.
Was away for a time, something amiss,
Wanted to tell you of this Bliss.

Looking Back, A struggle to write.

Looking back through some of my old papers, I often find things I’ve written in the past. Sometimes, I feel as though they should stay there.  But as time goes on, they give a better picture of who I am today and how I arrived here. I wrote this many years ago around 1995 I think.  I had written poetry before, some of it will appear here later, but I regularly struggled with writers block.  At the time I painted it onto a bottle after I had drunk the contents. I found the bottle a while ago and transferred it to paper. A picture will follow if I can find it again…

It seems I cannot write things
Till I’m down or even depressed
As when I try to do this
They make sense even less.
It seems I have to be hurting
Very deep down inside.
Unable to tell him things,
When so many times I’ve tried.
So when I try to write things down
My true feelings come out right.
Sometimes you know I wear a frown
And sit up alone at night
I sit here with pen and paper
Cramming words down on the page
It’s been like that for years now
And I thought it’s just my age
Other people will rant and rave
Or bottle things up for years
But how I feel is what I write
Mixed up with a few tears.

 

 

 

 

Over the Hill

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Over the Hill
Over the hill and down the Dale.
You hear the wind howl and wail.
Hedgerows grow as recompense,
By apology for breaking the fence.
From it smashing along so hard
Only the weeds settle in the yard
Growing fast they are abundant
Where space for flowers and food is meant
But in this wild, unforgiving place
There is calm and there is space.

Birds, planes and Micro light
Vie for attention all in flight
Hovering over Sea and sand
Searching for a place to land.
Rabbits, foxes and insects thrive
In this garden, the activity hive.
Deer, Owls and Squirrels swoon
In Nature’s cavernous storage room.

In the patchwork scenery
Find your peace, serenity
The weather breaks, the fog disappears
Harvest brought in allays the fears
Of loneliness and solitude,
There’s work to be done,
So don’t mean to be rude.
Long days in the Summer sun.
Machinery, busy whirring and ticking
Crickets in grass, singing and clicking.
The warmth brought from a sunny haze
Simple things to cheer and amaze.

Happiness and energy abound
Relishing in the sight and sound.
Drinking your tea and reading a letter
Hard to believe it gets any better.
When you take a look around
Spirits delight in what we’ve found.

March! It’s Endometriosis Awareness Month

DSC_0184It’s March and with thoughts of Spring, we head into Endometriosis Awareness Month. Like many other months of the year, those who are sufferers and their loved ones choose to raise awareness of the things which have affected their lives, in the hope that it will bring answers, help and encouragement to others.  This poem describes my own ongoing fight with this illness and I hope that it explains some of what our #Endosisters and #Endowarriors go through.   If you would like to donate funds into the research of this illness please do so via https://www.endometriosis-uk.org/ and give them the help that they need and if you see someone wearing yellow this month, or even just the adornment of a yellow ribbon then this might just be what they are showing their support of.

Just Living With It….

I lay to rest as my body quakes,

Just how long have I stayed awake?

My limbs are sore and continue to shake

Again the bed I’ll have to remake.

I roll around here and there,

Sleep won’t come and it’s not fair!

Fever and delirium often appear,

Managing to awaken the fear

There’s pain in my stomach, fire in the pit

Tired and aching from all of it.

Sometimes in pain and sometimes I’m numb,

Then to the tablets I’ll succumb.

Gently rolling from side to side,

Waiting for it all to subside.

Exhausted from the tossing and turning,

For a decent night’s sleep I am yearning.

Swelling and Bloating are part of it all,

Feeling so weak, you often fall.

Friends and Doctors think we are mad,

When to bed we return as pain gets so bad.

Surgery on occasion they’ll offer,

In the hope it’ll make you better.

Or hormones and potions by the score

For any reprieve you’ll ask for more.

Sometimes some small amount of relief

Will spur you on “The Cure?” a belief

But they haven’t found one, they’re testing you see,

Medication and therapies on you and on me.

A silent illness it’s often said

So easily discounted as “All in your head”

But it is real, and it is there,

If you’re lucky you’ll have someone who’ll care

You’ll need them with you by your side,

When away from the world you’ll want to hide.

Quite often leaves you childless

Weeping in offices, you are a mess!

As you’re told and trying to understand,

You’d better take someone to hold your hand.

You have your turn of the “monthly curse”

That never ends and you hope for a hearse.

The endless pain to take away,

The emotional torture at the end of the day

Removes the chance of happiness

When those around you couldn’t care less.

Many years later, when you feel insane

They suddenly tell you it has a name.

So what have I got? What is this?

Well, they call it Endometriosis

How did it get here, suddenly arrive?

Will it finish me off or will I survive?

Well, it fuses your organs and causes you pain

And just when you think that you’re through it again

You feel that familiar dragging, pulling around,

Know it’s back, but not where it’ll be found.

Your digestion is poor, your bowels misbehave

A day without this is all that you crave.

On rare days you can feel so well

Invisible illness, Endometriosis Hell!