Inspiration? Carpe diem.

IMG_1079 As a fledgling writer I’m consciously aware of the effects of my writing upon those around me, as well as being concerned as to how things are received. The latter being probably what stopped me for so long. Since when I write my poetry it can arrive at the most inopportune moment and I have to get it down on paper, like opening a flood gate, or turning on a tap I do not wish to interrupt the flow, in case I lose it. Of course, I can return to it later to edit it, but , I do tend to write it as soon as it arrives.

I am often found scampering from the shower, drenched in a towel to get to a notepad and write something down, which would look rather odd to the fly on the wall. I probably should keep an etch a sketch in there or something, which doesn’t get wet when you write on it, I have several crinkly notebooks now.

I have pulled over when driving around on my way somewhere, or returning from a particular place or situation and I also tend to use the voice recorder on my phone if I cannot write it down at that moment.

At times this has me sitting up late into the night or waking up in the early hours, with the light on, writing on a shorthand notebook which I keep by the bed. Of course this can easily disturb others within the home. Last night it was the dog and I did not want to disturb him since yesterday he had been unwell, he huffs around and blows my concentration and is restless for the remainder of the night and grouchy the next day.

So, last night this resulted in my writing in the dark as things came to me in the early hours of this morning. I am getting used to the effects upon my sleep pattern of writing and thankfully am able to rest after I‘ve got it all out of my system, but at times, that has taken hours and I find myself giving up on sleep and tired the next day. As a very small child I used to read in the dark if I couldn‘t sleep after lights out, with a teddy bear under the covers, I used to save my pocket money to buy small torches which could not be seen. I remember being out with Mum once and she asked why I wanted a torch, I told her it was “for kissing bears under the covers.”

But until last night I had forgotten how exhilarating writing in the dark can be, of course your handwriting is different to in your waking hours, you might be half asleep, dragged from your slumber by random words, or phrases. It flows all over the page words sometimes running into each other and will not follow the lines, wiggling uncontrollably. Sometimes, you will even misspell the words as you write them, if awoken you might not recall where in the word you had got to. In the morning, upon review you will see that your writing differs greatly, you are trying to space the lines more carefully so that they don’t run into each other, and you can’t actually see what is on the page. But, I found that my senses were heightened and my thoughts clearer, a host of words which I have not tended to use before, came to me and appeared on the pages.

Last night my thoughts were racing, three separate subjects came to me and would not leave. So I have the basis at least for a few new pieces, plus a brainstorming word page.

So if you haven’t already tried this and are looking for inspiration, do not put it to the back of your mind when it strikes, I recommend that you Seize the Day, or moment actually!

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Gone but not Forgotten.

Although I think of her almost every day,
The clocks don’t stop because she’s away.
Always had a shoulder to lend,
A beautiful garden she would tend.
She’d sometimes remember, Life was Grand,
As I’d sit and hold her hand.
Speaking of places and things done,
Back with a smile, she would come.
Quick witted with a smile,
She’d keep you laughing for a while.
Bright flowers clothing and scent abound,
You always knew when she was around.
A “little drinkie for you and for me”
Things in a new light then we’d see.
A glass of wine and a toast,
“To the lady with the most”
A sparkling person, with such flair,
You wouldn’t upset, just wouldn’t dare!
Well travelled and highly educated,
Friends from the start, we were fated.
Languages spoken from afar,
Our fun days out in her little car.
Enjoyed good food to compliment,
Turned a few heads, wherever she went.
A bright light, where it once shone,
Now up above in heaven you’ve gone.
For I am sure it’s where the good people go,
You’re one of them I used to know.
One year today since she passed,
But in my memory she’ll last.
My mother in Law, Heaven bound,
So sorry to say, she’s no longer around.
If you’re thinking of us, please do send
Some sign to show you’re there my friend.
Loved and lost won’t ever forget,
In our hearts no time for regret.

Was Once a Garden.

We walk around the family home,
It was so plain to see.
The lack of love that it’s been shown,
Since left by you and me.
That it had been left way behind ,
Pushed away to the back of our mind.
No-one welcomed there to stay,
So we just upped and moved away.

I walked around the garden,
It was once so tended with care.
But since your sentiments harden,
And you are no longer there.

I felt the urge to help it,
You also did I feel.
Picking up bits and debris
Just wanting it to heal.

It used to be so large and free,
A place to read under the tree.
The summer house was cosy too,
Looking out upon the view.

A fish pond which you took weeks to make
Gone forever, for goodness sake!
Bushes and shrubs all overgrown,
But at least the grass was mown.

A broken window, a damaged chair.
Pieces of plastic, strewn over there.
There’s broken pots and damaged things
But in the bushes a bird still sings.
Walking around the fallen leaves,
Memories and treasures under the trees.

As we hunt around begin to explore,
The items laying upon the floor.
Hiding around behind the shed,
We find the old puppy’s bed.
From years before flooding back,
Between the eyes with a thwack.

Memories from the past it will bring,
As we discover another old thing.
A shuttlecock from badminton,
The list when you start, goes on and on.
Decorations, my old fish tank,
The fountain from which, no-one drank.

It seems as though it’s shown like a person it hurted
After we’d gone where it’s been deserted.
But in the midst where we sit
With Spiders webs round all of it.
A trail through the middle, where foxes roam
A playground for them, to call their own.

Spring is here and through the mess,
A moment to show it’s happiness.
A glimmer of a reconstruction,
In around all of the destruction.
Nature is stronger than we think
Brings itself back from the brink.

Isn’t it strange?

I am constantly amazed as to how even though it is sometimes painful, I seem to dwell upon the past so much.  There is so much in it which I would rather forget, yet it haunts me and will not leave, opening up from time to time things long forgotten.  Like the proverbial plaster ripping which opens the wound again, just as it has begun to heal.

That’s not to say that all of the past was bad, far from it in fact.  I have many moments which I also dwell on because they bring happiness, memories of loved ones, experiences and moments which I would not want to lose.

I find that sometimes, a thought will pass and something within me just reaches out and grabs it.  Something clings on instead of letting it go, suddenly in that moment I can relive it.  I am there, in the moment.  Wouldn’t it be great if at that point, in times where things have gone wrong, or pain is caused I could put them right, change the way things went. To be able to make them better, remove the hurt that may have been caused.  Extend the happiness. If only…

Almost a Biker

I once had a motorbike,
Painted in the colours I like.
Bright paintwork in yellow and black,
Better for road than for track.
A custom bike with plenty of chrome,
Visions I had of going to roam.
Out on the open road once more,
A beautiful thing with a throaty roar!
I got all the kit and dressed in the leather,
Protected from every kind of weather.
Wearing all of the outfit he loves,
Jacket, Boots, Helmet and Gloves.
Blood racing through me thudding my chest,
Excitement builds I’ll be joining the rest.
On Saturday mornings, coffee en-route
Someone you know, give them a toot.
Bike training then was even a pleasure,
Into the country, moments to treasure.
Taking in the air as you go by,
Feeling as though being able to fly.
Out on the road from my worries I’d hide,
Forget them all as you begin to ride
For a time so easy to be,
Someone else who’s so carefree.
Once I’d got my ticket you know,
I sat on the bike ready to go.
I started up and the throttle jammed,
Into a wall on the bike I slammed.
I’d hurt myself and damaged by back.
And from the experience I would lack.
Suddenly my dreams as a biker no more,
As I was pinned upon the floor.
Couldn’t get from under the bike you see,
Was trapped just too darn heavy for me.
Rescued by a helpful friend,
For the bike and I, the end.
6 months of pain and physio,
Off to the doctor I had to go.
The bike was stored, then fixed and sent,
For someone new it was now meant.
My injuries healed, they did not last,
But having a bike’s all in my past.

Moving On

Time went on and she hoped for reprieve,
Now was the time she had to believe.
She gathered momentum, all set to go
The strength that took he’d never know.
He thought she’d get right on track,
That she would come crawling back.
But things had changed for her and you,
Life’s too short, the years too few
To sacrifice ones happiness,
staying together under duress.
Don’t think to hurt or shame was meant,
Just a chance to live, without lament.
Some respite from the drudge of life,
Meant to be much more than a wife.
She craved to be cherished like no other,
Much more to her, than just our Mother.
Set apart from the rest, she has such talent,
She should use the gifts that she’s been sent.
She’d raised the family, the time was right,
Had grown tired of the fuss and fight.
She packed her bags, set off, departed,
Now for her, her life’s just started.
Could not hope that you’d understand,
A different life for her was planned.
The freedom for her to do as she pleased,
The burden of her thoughts had eased.

He never thought that they would part,
And would take with her, his heart.
She caught him somewhat by surprise,
Grew fed up living with the lies.
And on it, suddenly the light shone.
When he could see the love had gone.
Sometimes resentment would start when,
He’d think of her fondly now and then.
Although he felt she’d broken his trust,
Time marches on and forgive her he must.
Didn’t figure on such loneliness,
The effect on him of such distress.
Feeling as though a downward spiral,
Going through periods of denial.
But as years go by, I think it’s shown
That he can enjoy a life of his own.
Had never thought with emotions he’d toy,
But a new way of life he’d come to enjoy.
A place where he can enjoy the limelight,
Return to peace and quiet at night.
One where he has freedom to roam,
Do as he pleases, no one at home.

Don’t wish for Harm.

Don’t want to feel that it’s a sin,
To speak about the position I’m in.
Have come here under much duress,
Just to avoid more distress.
Never wished to cause a fight,
By opening up to things I write.
Something for the world to see,
It’s not for them, just about me.
Just for once won’t try to think,
Of others, or just turn to drink.
Words can hurt, this I know
But I didn’t place the very first blow!
It’s not a war or argument,
Or anger open aired to vent.
For years I circumnavigate,
Don’t wish for pain, or for hate.
It’s just a part of the healing process,
Don’t want to remember and won’t obsess.
On people where the light is shone,
Memories of old, I want them gone.