Draw your Dragon, A Dream and Instruction.

DSCN0414I have been thinking about dreams in the past few months and at times I have delved into what hidden meaning there might be, sometimes they are interlinked from dream to dream and other times, seemingly unconnected. There was another couple of dreams that I had, two that I recall upon waking this particular night and one which I want to share with you.

The first was a very simple image of me drawing a dragon. I often have dreams that I can draw, that I am creating a beautiful picture. I don’t know why I was drawing a dragon, but on waking, I decided that I should. It didn’t come out how it looked in my dream, but they never do when I draw things, especially creatures. However, I followed what seemed to be a very clear instruction and then a very clear message came to me, as though someone had spoken…

“You are still here for a reason, they did not destroy you. Draw your dragon and breathe fire. If you were meant to be finished by these people, it would have happened. But you are still here, Breathe Fire”.

Whichever way you might choose to read it, it was certainly a message which I needed to hear at the time and that thought will stay with me…

The Dragon pictured is one I have photographed, it was on a building in a beautiful place I once visited, the Chinese Museum in Brussels, Belgium. My drawing couldn’t do it justice.

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A little bit of Monet

Well, a trip to his house and garden actually.

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la résidence ClaudeMonet, Giverny France.

Hope is what it represents.

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It’s funny but figuring out what things represent, they say that it is not good to be a materialistic person. I certainly do not consider myself materialistic but I do enjoy having some of those little luxuries in my life and I have always been slightly crazy about cars..

For instance, at the moment I don’t have a regular job. In the past 12 months I have suffered with depression, grief, a lot of anger, upset, discovery about myself and the way that the past has affected me. About 10 months into that year, we decided to get rid of my Porsche. We have owned many cars over the years, a few rather nice ones. That was a lovely 40th Birthday present for me from my partner, he told me that the time was right to have one. Many years ago, when I was 27 he had offered me one, I climbed into the seat to drive it and knew instinctively where all the controls were. I had never even sat in one previously but drove this very powerful car, without fear as though it was perfectly natural. It was a brilliant car without a doubt, but common sense kicked in and I declined due to the costs of running a prestige car back then, having been bitten by the costs in the car that I had and was changing. Years later, he decided I should have one anyway, there being no time like the present and life being too short, living each day etc and I said Yes. However, 18 months on I was sure that if that went wrong it was going to financially cripple me and I had no reserves of money. So I saw sense again and we got rid of it.

During the time that we owned it, my partner has spent the whole time quietly searching for a replacement Cerulean Blue Saab, a diesel convertible, just like the one that I had, just like the one I adored and just like the one that we regretted getting rid of. He knew that I would swap the Porsche for another one of those in a heartbeat. In October, we found one and had to wait a month to go and collect it. It’s a diesel, an automatic and a convertible and is the most beautiful blue in a car that I have seen. I love it!

Currently it’s stored in the garage, there has been a lot of car vandalism around where we are living and when we returned from a holiday we found that the cars outside had been damaged. We couldn’t leave the car outside of the house and risk that, so it has stayed in the garage. It is taxed, insured and has a tank full of diesel but it is actually sitting in the garage, where it has been for 3 months and hasn’t turned a wheel.
Several of my friends and my family included have asked, “Why don’t you get rid of it, you have no money” “You can’t afford your bills easily, it will take the heat off the situation if you didn’t have it.” In the next breath, they are also the first to admit that they don’t see any of the value in having a nice car. So I’m here to tell you what the value of having a nice car actually means to me and tell you my why…

That car, is the one the same colour, type and style that I saw when I pushed my nose up against the glass many years ago and said to my partner, “If we win the lottery, can I have one of those please!” “I would like one of those.” You see, it was another dream car, one for a newer dream. Something else to work towards and hope that I would get. I never thought that it would happen and I have always pictured goals, for me it puts them in reach. I also believe that some dreams should come true.

Sometime about 2 years later I was due to have a Hysterectomy due to an ongoing battle with Endometriosis. At that time I really struggled to drive, pushing down on the clutch to change gear caused constant pain and I knew that I needed to change vehicles at least for a while. This was going to be a rather large operation, which would change my life drastically, understatement of the year! Just before that happened, my partner presented me with this beautiful car, my new dream car and a fantastic vehicle. It was everything I wanted it to be, absolutely touched all the bases and I was so thrilled to have it, it was there for when I could get behind the wheel again, his timing was excellent.

The hysterectomy came and went, recovery took several months before I was able to drive again, but I was able to drive that more comfortably since it had an automatic gearbox. It was big, safe, and beautiful and every time I sat in it, I had an ear to ear grin, it drove whisper quietly and once you hit the open road, with the roof down and the wind in your hair, you hadn’t a care in the world. It was my off-switch, my freedom and it represents so many of the good things that I wanted to happen in my life. Getting into that vehicle and just driving, can change a bad day into a good day at a stroke. It was a wonderful vehicle and the only reason that we changed it was because I wasn’t travelling enough miles and there was a section of the car, which became clogged due to lack of use. At that point I made a promise to myself that I would have a job again, which took me just far enough each day, so that it wouldn’t be detrimental to one of those engines again and he had spent almost two years looking for another one of those cars.

So back to the purpose of this explanation.
It represents, a time in my life which was very difficult and which I conquered. I had something worth living for, the freedom it gave me and a big fat smile on my face every time I saw it. To walk outside my house on the greyest of days, in the pouring rain, clamber into a warm, safe, comfortable car that I knew would take me to places I had dreamt of. It gave me hope that I could make changes for the better. So you see, when someone suggests that I get rid of it, that I cash it in, car values are not what they used to be, I would not get the return of what was spent on it, but it isn’t about the money.

It has never been about the money…

It is about the whole experience, of a beautiful blue car and I’m going to drive it again, I’m going to enjoy it and it’s going to take me to places. It is going to take me to places that I haven’t yet dreamed of, it’s going to places that I want to see. People that I want to meet. Experiences that I want to experience and all that from a bright blue car. My car has a name, rather than just calling it Blue like the one before it, this one is called Hope. Hope is what it represents for me.

The Story of Flossie the Cat.

Up the road he came, did we want a kitten?
And right from that moment, with her we were smitten.
Right at that time, we’d begged we would get
This one who’d become our family pet.
This is the story of Flossie the cat,
Who when tired of attention, your hand, she’d bat.
One kitten abandoned, snuggled up in a jacket,
Talking and mewing and making a racket.
Fed her by bottle from when she was small,
Sometimes she could drive you up the wall.
On up the curtains she would run,
Living with Flossie was always such fun!
Would climb along arms for a bit of fruit cake,
Claws up your back and your shoulders she’d rake.
But the love from her was second to none,
Don’t put on your tights, for ladders would run.
Think of the odd things she used to eat
Would sing you a song for a piece of “pink meat”
Would hold out for hours for a fish or a prawn
You’d hear her out singing, often till dawn.
Numerous boyfriends Flossie had loved
All came to call and around her they rubbed.
One in a million for us we were sure,
Cuddles, much loving and purring galore.
Her paws up around your neck for a kiss,
Would be one of the most things we would miss.
The mischief of stealing your favourite seat.
When visitors came, was no hasty retreat.
Would help with you with most things, curry and rice,
And for a small treat be especially nice.
Would stay by the window waiting to meet,
For a homecoming she’d always greet.
Shower us with warmth and with love,
Pouncing down from somewhere above.
Would play for hours with any box,
Take off your shoes and it would be with your socks.
Of all of the love she was able to give,
Till you’ve had a Flossie, don’t know how to live.
Would sit on your jumper and make it her nest.
That was the blanket that she loved the best.
Wouldn’t go to the vets in an animal casket,
The pamplemousse box was her favourite basket.
Sitting neat and tidy on a high ledge,
Or bouncing out from under the hedge.
In our house she ruled the roost,
When we were sad, her smile would boost.
Can tell you a thing, or this and that
But that was the story of Flossie the cat.

Soliloquy

Soliloquy –
noun, plural soliloquies.
1.
an utterance or discourse by a person who is talking to himself or herself or is disregardful of or oblivious to any hearers present (often used as a device in drama to disclose a character’s innermost thoughts): Hamlet’s soliloquy begins with “To be or not to be.”.
2.
the act of talking while or as if alone.

How odd, how sometimes just a word will come to you out of the blue. It’s meaning is not even clear at the time. Sometimes you will not pay it attention and it will hang there in the air, awaiting your consideration for another time.

The word appeared in my head I had to look up the meaning of it, as I could not recall. But there I was, suddenly I was googling who the music was by as it reminded me that I once had a friend many years ago, who had a great Jazz album which I loved and listened to often. It was called Soliloquy, it was by Dick Morrissey and I had an urge just to listen to the music again.