International Women’s Day.

Since it is International Women’s Day, I thought I would head back to my childhood for this, little did I realise as I wrote it, the effect that it would have on my day and my loved one.  The journey into womanhood is not always easy, there are scars you bring with you and I am trying to heal as I go. In two minds as to whether this should be posted, at his suggestion, today is the day! I am thankful that he is alongside me and continues to offer support even when it is unexpected.

As We Grow.

For an afternoon, we get together.
Seems as though it’s been forever
It’s not often that you go out to eat
To sit and talk, a proper meet.

It gets me thinking of younger years
And suddenly I’m choking tears.
Growing up when times were fraught,
Don’t seek to blame, not always your fault.
To push and push and test and test
You only felt you were doing your best.
Taken to church on every Sunday
Ridiculed yet again on Monday

During the week off to school,
Often made to look like a fool.
When sometimes to the house they came,
I would hide myself in shame.
Of what had passed when out to play,
Just wanted to hide myself away.
Did I do wrong? Was I meant,
To hold in all of this torment.
I may have brought it upon myself
A thought when later it affects your health.

Time has passed and strength has grown
Since venturing out all on my own.
They say the times of sand have shifted
Sometimes I see the dark clouds lifted
And sadness takes such time to feel
The memory blurred enough to heal.

Should not be where your thoughts lay
What happened when you went away?
Life’s so different should you return,
But if you stay here you’ll have to learn.
Made to feel bad for a mistake
As your life you try to remake.
It’s strange that it comes flooding back
You realise there’s something you lack.

You didn’t know him well, or understand,
How to make his point, he’d raise his hand.
Wished sometimes for a slap in the face
Instead to put you back in your place.
But without this life, as they say
You wouldn’t be the same person today.
But down where these memories reside
Is where it still hurts deep inside.

A chance for a coffee, for a chat,
Not time to talk about all that.
Decided no longer to be a slave,
But as innocent, don’t try to behave.
For all those things in time gone by
To the back of your mind you must try
For it is now time to move on
Even you can’t undo the wrong.
Don’t dwell upon the past they say
It’s in the past, it’s gone away.

We don’t understand we have to forgive
Once we leave home, our lives to live.
As it’s been a long time since,
We now celebrate our difference.
Although in some ways we are alike.
I can’t get up or sing on a ‘mike‘.
But as enthusiasm starts to show,
For all the things that we should know.

Hope that forgiveness is to me
All that it’s cracked up to be,
I’m not as though heaven sent,
But glad we are so different.

 

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In the Garden

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In the garden.

 

In the garden, the sun on my skin.

Wait for the transformation to begin.

Always have to pull out the weeds,

Now it’s time to plant some seeds.

Time to get my hands in all the earth,

The starlings sit sharing their mirth.

What wonders will our eyes befall?

After we have done it all.

Grass to cut, New pots to fill,

Has it taken, won’t know until

New growth and leaves appear,

Signal the start of each new year.

 

Buds and tendrils begin to grow,

Be careful with the water flow.

Not too little and not to much,

Get it right and as such.

Your garden it will start to flourish,

With blooms aplenty that you’ll cherish.

When it’s done a wonderful thing,

Here to enjoy in Summer and Spring.

The Atmosphere of the Ballet

The other day I spent a wonderful afternoon watching the Ballet with some of my family.  I must admit that my enjoyment of it was made even better, by an elderly lady who sat alongside us with her daughter.  She made me smile as she hummed along to all the music and later commented after a particularly lengthy dance with just two of the dancers, that “they were nice, now on to the next ones” followed by “Oh dear, they are back again“ when they returned to the stage for the next dance.  She had the same sort of deadpan way with words as my dear friend and late Mother in Law. A wonderful Lady who was with me in spirit on the first Mothering Sunday we have spent without her.  But it made me feel close to her for a moment and relive some of my memories of her, albeit vicariously.

Atmosphere of the Ballet

The costumes, the backdrops, the music starts

Senses are heightened it plays on the heart.

The Orchestra seated, they play in time.

Dancers jostle to form the line.

The stages prepared and subtly lit

Ushered into our row, we sit.

To be enraptured and enthralled

Until the interval is called.

A lovesick daughter, or a Faerie Queen.

It doesn’t matter if it’s one you’ve seen.

My favourite ones are nymphs and faerie,

That Evil one is far to scary!

Discussing the storyline once more

As the actors assemble at the door.

To await the time they’re at their leisure

The performance given for your pleasure.

 

 

 

Lifted a Cloud

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There’s happiness in my house today,
Finally chased the darkness away
A simple thing a cloud has lifted
Not sure but feel that I’ve been gifted
And blessed with another chance to see
Again a once hidden part of me.
Don a smile, a dance or a song
Hoping the feeling will last for long
Laughter is a joyful sound
Looking a while, now been found.
Was away for a time, something amiss,
Wanted to tell you of this Bliss.

Looking Back, A struggle to write.

Looking back through some of my old papers, I often find things I’ve written in the past. Sometimes, I feel as though they should stay there.  But as time goes on, they give a better picture of who I am today and how I arrived here. I wrote this many years ago around 1995 I think.  I had written poetry before, some of it will appear here later, but I regularly struggled with writers block.  At the time I painted it onto a bottle after I had drunk the contents. I found the bottle a while ago and transferred it to paper. A picture will follow if I can find it again…

It seems I cannot write things
Till I’m down or even depressed
As when I try to do this
They make sense even less.
It seems I have to be hurting
Very deep down inside.
Unable to tell him things,
When so many times I’ve tried.
So when I try to write things down
My true feelings come out right.
Sometimes you know I wear a frown
And sit up alone at night
I sit here with pen and paper
Cramming words down on the page
It’s been like that for years now
And I thought it’s just my age
Other people will rant and rave
Or bottle things up for years
But how I feel is what I write
Mixed up with a few tears.

 

 

 

 

Over the Hill

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Over the Hill
Over the hill and down the Dale.
You hear the wind howl and wail.
Hedgerows grow as recompense,
By apology for breaking the fence.
From it smashing along so hard
Only the weeds settle in the yard
Growing fast they are abundant
Where space for flowers and food is meant
But in this wild, unforgiving place
There is calm and there is space.

Birds, planes and Micro light
Vie for attention all in flight
Hovering over Sea and sand
Searching for a place to land.
Rabbits, foxes and insects thrive
In this garden, the activity hive.
Deer, Owls and Squirrels swoon
In Nature’s cavernous storage room.

In the patchwork scenery
Find your peace, serenity
The weather breaks, the fog disappears
Harvest brought in allays the fears
Of loneliness and solitude,
There’s work to be done,
So don’t mean to be rude.
Long days in the Summer sun.
Machinery, busy whirring and ticking
Crickets in grass, singing and clicking.
The warmth brought from a sunny haze
Simple things to cheer and amaze.

Happiness and energy abound
Relishing in the sight and sound.
Drinking your tea and reading a letter
Hard to believe it gets any better.
When you take a look around
Spirits delight in what we’ve found.

Awaken the Gratitude in your Life

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It is part of my journey that I am attempting to embrace the changes which have been happening in my life recently. As someone who in her past has not coped particularly well with change to the every day, I have at times found this almost impossible. But I have found something which helps enables me to do this, a wonderful tool in the box, which is helping me rebuild where things were once broken.

At times it is hard to take a look outside of yourself, when life feels dark and you are so caught up with the thoughts in your head.

So may I suggest this….

Try if you can to breathe, look around you and find just one thing which you can be Grateful or thankful for. I am sure that once you start to do this you will soon notice that many more appear when you open your eyes to them and you begin to think outside of the box.

There is a wonderful lady who has spent the past three years seeking to open people’s eyes to the concept of Gratitude. She is called Kristin Granger and lives on the other side of the world to me in Australia. Kristin runs a Facebook page called Gratitude in All and I love what she shows on the page. She regularly runs through the alphabet in her posts asking people to comment upon what they are grateful for. Take a look, I am sure that you will find the answers interesting and possibly inspiring.

If you can contribute, share her posts and like her page, I am sure that it will encourage you to change your outlook and look for the good things. It may provide you with inspiration too.

It has for me….

So remember with fondness, the good things in your past, and Celebrate the Good that your future holds.

https://www.face book.com/Gratitudenall/ You can also find more of her work and writing at http://twistoffaith.com.au